About the Book
-
Author:
- Racquel Marie
- Genre:
- Contemporary
Cover Story: There’s Something There
BFF Charm: Eventually
Talky Talk: Hard-Hitting
Bonus Factors: Layers of Grief, Goth Girl
Anti-Bonus Factor: Layers of Grief (too)
Relationship Status: Deeply Committed
Content Warning: This book features references to suicide.
Cover Story: There’s Something There
A purple background, a goth girl in boots, a guy in flannel. It’s a subtle cover, but it’s one that says a lot if you look for little signs: the careful way Santiago puts his hand over Beatriz’s shoulder, the cautious lean in from both characters, the casual friendship of being able to sling one arm on the other’s thigh. It’s a beautiful image and one that shows us that we’re about to dig in real deep.
The Deal:
Santiago, 17, moves back to his Vermont hometown after being in California for a couple of years. He avoids his old best friend, Beatriz, who was his other best friend, Bryce’s, girlfriend — before Bryce killed himself. Bea has changed a lot since the last time Santiago saw her: she avoids Bryce’s stepsister Whitney and Bryce’s entire family, she dresses like a goth, she doesn’t want to talk to Santiago at all. What passed between this core group of three? And how can Santiago and Beatriz navigate mental illness, grief, and love, to learn forgiveness?
BFF Charm: Eventually
We have two POV characters, Bea and Santiago, and they are both… whew. Hard to love. Santiago moves back home to take care of his elderly grandfather, since his father is a musician who cares only about himself. Santiago wants to honor his late friend Bryce’s wishes and stay away from Bea. And especially difficult to love is prickly Bea, who has shut out the world ever since her boyfriend Bryce died by suicide. But as the old friends open up to each other, communicating, and revealing old secrets, we grow more tender towards them.
Swoonworthy Scale: 2
We know that Bea and Santiago need to learn to love again, and of course it’ll be with each other. But it’s difficult to get there. While the book is the slowest of slow burns, it’s also full of messy angst, and the two main characters have a lot to learn from each other.
Talky Talk: Hard-Hitting
This book is raw and complex and — not going to lie — sometimes a little confusing. There are secrets held, secrets alluded to, and finally, secrets revealed, and the author does a good job weaving the tapestry for us to learn things, drop by drop. The seventeen-year-old protagonists are flawed, nuanced people that we get to know intimately, but digging into their brains and into their hearts. This is not a light book. You can feel Marie’s own grief, heavy throughout the pages. But it is a good book. And it’s beautifully written.
Bonus Factor: Layers of Grief
I’ve never read a book that deals with grief so well, especially for a teen audience. Marie writes with rawness that examines her own experience, and not in a saccharine way. Teens that need to get this book, will get this book.
Anti-Bonus Factor: Layers of Grief (too)
Needless to say, the examination of grief, while good in some ways, can be triggering in other ways, and readers should be aware of the content warnings before reading this book.
Bonus Factor: Goth Girl
It’s unusual to see a goth character as a main POV character in books (maybe I just haven’t read any?). I’m so used to a goth girl as a side character or someone the author pokes fun at. Bea is not a caricature of a “goth chick,” she’s a very complicated character with reasons behind her appearance. There’s one part of the story where she finds a dress that flatters her body and she leaves it behind in the dressing room, and instead makes a dress that is not as nice, but is therefore “perfect.” I feel like I learned a lot more about the reasons behind the goth persona.
Relationship Status: Deeply Committed
It’s been a joy seeing Marie grow as an author. I have reviewed her other books, Ophelia After All and You Don’t Have a Shot, both of which are fantastic, but she really goes even deeper here. If you haven’t given her a chance yet, please, you really need to.
Literary Matchmaking
The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X.R. Pan also deals with grief over losing a loved one to suicide.
For another layered portrait of grief, pick up Kelly Loy Gilbert’s Picture Us in the Light.
Every Time You Go Away by Abigail Johnson thoughtfully tackles very hard topics.
FTC Full Disclosure: I received a free e-copy of this book from the publisher. I received neither compensation nor kittens in exchange for this review. This Is Me Trying is available now.
