Bienvenidas a Miami, Janeites! What was the waterworks game like in your house this Monday? Mine was strong! Let’s talk about it.
AWARDS
THIS WEEK’S MVP(arent)
It’s a constant struggle not to just rename this category “Best Dad Rogelio,” but c’mon, guy was willing to risk having his mug shot taken just to save giving Jane another social media nightmare à la the Virgin Mother media mob in Season 1. Okay, okay, he didn’t necessarily know going into the tweeker [sp?] deal that a mug shot situation might arise, but honestly, doesn’t the blindness of his sacrifice make him all the more deserving of this award? I say yes.
BEST TELENOVELA TWIST
From an irony standpoint, the reveal that the whole time Rogelio was making this noble sacrifice, it was in Erik Estrada’s name. I can’t believe I have been going without a solid Rogelio diva rant since MAY, y’all! This one was v good.
From a telenovela standpoint, the best twist was for sure the surprise reveal of Sin Rose-tro’s submarine in the final shot. A submarine!! How deliciously silly. Plus, solid A+ fakeout on the porthole, calling back both Derek’s airplane escape and the sunset orange sky on Jane’s recurrent romance novel cover before panning out to reveal the Bay of Mexico or whatever outside.
BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENT
The fact that seeking out spoilers gives you the power and latitude to study the journey, doy. This is literally such an integral part of my personality that everyone in the DC book club calls it “Alexising.” I have never felt more kinship with Jane ever. YDY, girl! Live the spoiler dream!
P.S. Where’d You Go, Bernadette? is a Gordian gem of a book, and SPOILER: knowing that she went to Antarctica ruins it in no way.
PREVIOUSLY ON JANE THE VIRGIN
The thing most people will remember/have been worrying about all summer is obviously whether or not Michael survived being shot in the chest on his wedding night by his ex-partner/ex-stepmother-in-disguise. BUT DO NOT FORGET that we were also left wondering what supercrime Rose is up to now that she’s killed off Raf’s crimelord mother; how in the world Petra will escape from the medically-induced coma her twin sister Anezka forced her into in order to take over Petra’s life (and Raf’s bed!); how Xiomara will handle her surprise pregnancy with Rogelio’s novela-nemesis, Esteban; and, of course, whether or not the titular Jane will ever—ever—have sex.
THIS WEEK
The broad strokes: Michael was in the woods for a long time, both in terms of arterial damage and the bullet/bone fragments inducing swelling right along the spine, and Jane had a hell of time pushing through her shock and grief to assert her right as surrogate in place of that of Michael’s overbearing mom up until the point that Jane remembered the moment she and Michael first got together for real, when he Michael-ed his way through an early love triangle by informing her “I’m a fighter.” This memory (and a third floor weep sesh) gave Jane the fortitude to tell Michael’s mom/the surgeon that Michael would choose dangerous surgery over “watch and wait,” which gave Michael’s mom the fortitude to break down in front of Jane herself and admit her own fear, which gave them both the fortitude to share a granola bar while waiting for the (spoiler) good news that Michael made it through surgery just fine.
Also, Jane promised Michael a cat.
Over at the Marbella, Anezka is stuck reviewing security footage with the cops while Rafael takes care of Mateo/the twins/the running of the hotel. It is only one hour of time that they are interested, but there are ten feeds to go over—a disastrous equation, considering that the paralytic Anezka used on Petra to hospitalize her in the first place will wear off in six hours. Anezka’s squirreliness, coupled with the fact that she gets herself locked in a stairwell when trying to escape to the hospital on a “bathroom break,” pings the cop’s detective-senses, but she has the acting chops (and half-truthfulness) to sell the idea that she is so panicked over her sister’s stroke that she couldn’t think straight, and both Raf and the cops let her off the hook…at which point she promptly races to the hospital, re-injecting Petra at the very moment Petra’s paralysis had almost worn off enough for her to click her call button.
On the XoRo front, Rogelio spent the episode on a secret madcap adventure trying to keep Jane’s grief private by keeping amateur pap snaps of him in the hospital off social media. This results in him making a deal to exchange clean urine for the deletion of the photos, which he throws out when Xo mistakes the cup for coffee and reaches out for a sip. This results in Xo agreeing to to the urine exchange in his place, which immediately triggers her remembering her pregnancy test, which immediately triggers a confession. But what could have become a massive blowout between these two self-proclaimed divas is quickly, maturely resolved: Xo is terminating the pregnancy, and Ro is on her side no matter what. And even though he could just be saying that so Xo will come bail him out of jail after the cops waiting for Michael’s results book him for premeditated urine exchange, it definitely seems like he is in earnest about his promise.
Finally: Sin Rose-tro. Michael’s memory wasn’t affected by his trauma at all, and he was able to finger his partner, Susanna Barnett, when the detective came in to get his statement. The wiped security footage at the Marbella won’t be able to corroborate his story, the trail of powdered sugar leading to the finger-printable vending machine just might. And considering that Luisa has been abducted for romance again, Rafael will certainly be eager to help the case move forward as quickly as possible…
Alright, now. You may have missed it, but your FYA recappers pooled our resources a couple weeks back to put together this cliffhangers + predictions post for the CW’s fall lineup. My Jane predictions?
- Jane will definitely have sex, and soon. With whom??? Mmm, I’m historically a member of #TeamRaf (tbh, #TeamTrustJane), but I suspect it will be Michael.
- Xo will stand by the decision she made re: any future pregnancy with Rogelio and will terminate, which will be handled with deft, compassionate genius by the show (this is both prediction based on how she/the show works, and my own personal strong wish).
- It will be some subtle change in behavior towards *Jane* that gives Anezka’s game away, and Jane will dive into investigating her suspicions as a way to distract from Michael’s condition.
- Rose is definitely going to take over the world.
- Michael will be in a true coma, but will eventually pull through. (And he and Petra will be in the same hospital, giving Jane extra time/occasion to investigate Petra’s deal).
- (Bonus) Rogelio’s new hit telenovela Tiago Through Time will see him travel to Egypt to rescue baby Moses (played by Mateo) from his reed basket, prompting him to realize that there are more ways for him to have a baby and keep Xiomara in his life than marrying her (single parenting diva FTW!)…
So! How did I do??
Point #1
Still up in the air, and definitely the last thing on Jane’s mind this week. But since Michael survived—and will be around long enough for them to get a family cat—odds are still highest in his favor.
Point #2
The groundwork for that path has now been firmly laid: Xo didn’t withhold the news of the pregnancy from Ro in an attempt (for her) to avoid an unhappy confrontation or (for the show) to manufacture false tension, nor did she spend any character-growth-killing time faltering over the decision to terminate. All the development she made over the course of Season 2 held, and Rogelio’s response of unconditional support and understanding no matter what her decision demonstrates his own personal development. I can’t wait to see where this arc goes next.
Point #3/Point #5
TBD! Michael’s recovery was less drawn out than I had been anticipating, and Anezka is planning to move Petra to the Marbella, so Jane won’t have the precise motivation+opportunity I predicted to start an investigation. However, the fact that Jane is in the Marbella all the time for work/visiting Mateo, coupled with the fact that Michael’s recouperation could easily be so rocky that Jane needs to take lots of breaks, still leaves a window open for her to be the twin-spector.
Alternate possibility: remember Petra was the one that orchestrated the deal on Jane and Michael’s house, and considering what a pickle Anezka’s spotty knowledge of basic Marbella security features put her in, it is entirely possible that an issue will come up with Jane and Michael’s little house that will force them to stay in the Marbella for awhile, putting both Jane AND Michael in the position to conduct an investigation together. Michael’s definitely going to go stir-crazy not doing detective work while on bedrest, right? Tailing “Petra” around the Marbella in a wheelchair would be a perfect outlet for him, while providing perfect physical comedy montages for us.
Point #4
See: a freaking submarine.
Point #6
Also TBD! But I am still hoping and praying. Next week Rogelio decides he wants to make the grand leap from telenovelas to SERIOUS acting, so no matter what happens, we are all in for a SERIOUS treat.
About the Contributor:
Alexis Gunderson is a TV critic and audiobibliophile. A Wyoming expat, she now lives in Maryland, where she runs the DC chapter of the FYA Book Club. She can be found talking about Teen TV on Twitter, and her longform criticism can be found on Authory.
