Previous episode: “Endgame”
If the brunt of an episode’s action happens during a dance, I’m automatically in. Also, Carrie got much better this week! Maybe the Thanksgiving meltdown helped.
Carrie’s still seeing George who is wooing her by bringing her hot chocolates with extra whipped cream and taking her around Manhattan in a town car. Rich dudes have game? JK. But George wants to play secretary/chairman of the board with Carrie, so my thoughts re: his blue-collar sex fantasies appear to be correct.
Despite that Carrie is super into George, she still has feels for Sebastian especially when he keeps doing things like catching her when she trips on the staircase and with that face says “I’m always here to catch your fall.”
Such a cliche. But Austin Butler’s face negates it all.
Everything seems to be going well for everyone, even Bitchy Barbara is getting laid. And all our main ladies have boyfriends which is a first according to them. With the dance coming up this is extremely convenient although Carrie has yet to ask George.
In preparation for the dance everyone loads up their lockers with schnapps and makes their plans to get ready. Mouse is with Seth. Carrie and George. Maggie’s going stag because Walt has the chicken pox.
However, beyond the dance, our ladies have other things to worry about. Mouse got a B+ on a test which she considers a poor grade. She got that B+ because she was busy having the sex with Seth instead of studying. But she gets the opportunity for extra credit, only problem is that it’s due by 8:00 pm on the day of the dance.
Maggie has the opposite problem. Her sex life with Walt has come to a halt. And I think Maggie knows there’s something wrong.
Carrie as of now has the biggest choice — to stay at her dull law firm internship or take one at Interview that Larissa has offered her. She wants to talk to her dad about it but ends up chickening out and looking much more into the law profession than she remotely is.
But even though as Mouse so wisely states: “We need to spend less time focusing on guys and more on our paths in life.” Our ladies don’t have time to do that, I mean they have to get ready for the dance.
The dance is a blur of sequins, 80s hair and awkward glasses. Oh and apparently all the spiked punch you can drink? All these kids have flasks! I don’t have a flask. What is going on? Carrie’s dress is pretty batshit but ’80s appropriate. Maggie just looks gorgeous — best dressed for sure.
In true teen dance fashion all romantic relationships and subplots must come to conflict. In Carrie’s case the George/Sebastian tension has to be resolved. Sebastian is shocked to know that Carrie has a boyfriend, which I don’t really get? I don’t think she was really keeping it a secret, but okay. Basically, Sebastian sexily lurks on Carrie the whole night so much so that she confronts him saying that he’s trying to distract her on purpose.
THAT FACE IS A DISTRACTION.
In true fashion, Carrie after her verbal meltdown at Sebastian, kisses George right in his eye line and the two leave. Donna, seeing Sebastian’s face, and I’m sure being well versed in these tactics herself knows exactly what is going on.
Despite George’s appealing swoopy hair and blue-collar sex fantasies, we’ve met his father Harlan (dad’s BFF) who is a noted asshole. Unsurprisingly George proves to be the same by trying to pressure Carrie into having sex, then calling her a tease and then attempting to mansplain how losing her virginity isn’t that big of a deal.
He also uses the tried and true move that every lady loves: the blow job power struggle of pushing your head down into his crotch. Always charming.
I’ve got to give it to Carrie, she totally stands her ground, telling George that she won’t have sex with him because it’s “about me and what I want.” When he’s like well how about we finish me off, Carrie’s basically like this.
She breaks up with him and bounces. Good for her. She also decides to take the internship at Interview.
Maggie has fun going stag to the dance at first, but then has a not-so-chance encounter with STALKER cop outside her school. Like this dudebro is ALWAYS around lurking. But Maggie’s drop off in sex and this dude’s appeal (WTF) equate into banging in his cop car in front of the school. Not the most cautious approach.
In true teen fashion, Donna obviously sees them smoothing out their clothes post-sexy times and uses this to blackmail Maggie into keeping Carrie away from Sebastian. Maggie’s great, so she ends up telling Carrie everything and they have a conversation about virginity that was kinda sad. Carrie tells Maggie that she needs to talk to Walt.
Our girl Mouse was seven minutes late getting her extra credit in on time. Seth, understanding the importance of schoolwork, helps her try to break into the classroom to get the paper in which results in obvious consequences. The teacher won’t punish her but Mouse won’t get the EC either. Mouse has a realization that this isn’t who she is, this isn’t who Seth is and that they can’t hold each other back from their goals. Mouse breaks up with Seth for herself basically, which makes me love her even more.
On the Dorrit and Dad front, the two go to The Nutcracker which was a tradition of Dorrit and her mom. Dorrit is sullen and pissy about it but she doesn’t wear a Moz shirt–she wears the mom’s green dress from the first episode! She’s completely in love with the ballet but you know dads + ballet = sleeping. She’s pissed but everything is resolved in the end with a box of jordan almonds.
Things of Note/Hilarity/WTF
- “If I’m still talking about dating and talking about guys in my 30s, someone needs to smother me with a pillow.” Carrie on dating LOL FOREVER.
- “Dorrit would never go for it unless I became the lead singer of some morose band.” Dad on taking Dorrit to ballet.
- Dorrit has green streaks in her hair.
- Carrie tells Sebastian she wishes she could hide how she is feeling. He says he likes that about her. Didn’t he say the opposite a couple episodes ago?
- Dad is now impressed with Sebastian. He’s a cockblock. But that face must have sold him.
- Someone can purchase me the dress Maggie is wearing and a flask ASAP.
Next week: Carrie doesn’t tell her dad about the Interview internship things go hilariously awry in a NYC club! Sebastian’s face is there too!
About the Contributor:
Kerensa Cadenas is a writer living in Los Angeles. She grew up on binge reading Sweet Valley High and watching Saved by the Bell at a very young age. Hence, she is now unable to grow out of this life-long phase. She loves terrible teen television, young adult novels and probably listens to One Direction more than she should. She also enjoys more adult things like margaritas on patios and dance parties. A Marcus Flutie/Nate Archibald man-hybrid remains her ideal.
