Drinks Taken: 21
Welcome back to the Dawson’s Creek Rewatch Project! Last week Meredith asked me if I love Andie McPhee as much as she does, and I have to say: DOYYYY. The McPhees are one of the few things I remember from my attempt at watching the show when it first aired, and if they’ve stuck with my memory for this long, I must love them completely. Or some hazy recollection of them, anyway.
Let’s drink to my failing memory!
The Dawson’s Creek Drinking Game
Drink Once every time:
Joey purses her mouth or chews on her lip
Joey tucks her hair behind her ear
Joey climbs into or out of Dawson’s window
Sex makes Dawson and/or Joey extremely uncomfortable
Jen brings up her atheism
Grams says “Jennifaaah”
Someone says the words “black boyfriend” in reference to Bodie
Drink Twice every time:
Dawson mentions Spielberg
You have literally no idea why Joey is mad
Pacey gives someone a really good hug
Cool Jen Lindley is totally crapped on by the universe
Let’s get started!
It’s Pacey’s birthday! Happy birthday, Pacey! Well, at least I remembered because Dawson sure as hell didn’t. He’s too busy making out with Joey and obsessing over their new relationship. Gail and Mitch bust the pair macking on Dawson’s bed, and proceed to corner them separately for some awkward sex advice. It’s adorable and hilarious, but all of this is distracting from poor Pacey, who failed his driving test ON HIS BIRTHDAY, and on top of that, no one seems to know it’s his birthday – not even his best friend. Sheesh.
Joey and Dawson continue their makeout session tour. Next stop: Joey’s room, where they share their gooey feelings and relish in their happiness, and then Joey drops some foreshadowing:
Immediately after she says this, she leaves the room to check on the baby and Dawson looks through her diary like the totally insecure brat he is. This kid takes every opportunity to screw things up. He reads an entry in which Joey is particularly catty about his filmmaking hopes, dissing his movies and his whole Spielberg wannabe persona, and sure, it’s hurtful, but he had NO RIGHT to look through her private things. Obviously, he confronts her about it, and obviously Joey is furious and (rightfully) thinks that the issue isn’t what she said in her journal, but that Dawson snooped and damaged her trust. The truth is that Joey has been dealing with her silly Dawson love for many years, and trashing him in her journal is her way of coping with it – NOT THAT IT’S ANY OF HIS DAMN BUSINESS.
Meanwhile, Jen and Abby are stuck on clean-up duty at school and they bond when Abby asks Jen about a couple of NYC clubs and Jen drops this passive-aggressive nugget:
And then we meet Jack! Andie’s brother needs a job, so Joey hooks him up with a dishwashing gig. Jack is played by Kerr Smith and he’s a TOTAL CUTIE:
After Jen convinces Pacey to party it up, to hell with Dawson and Joey and their gooey love BS, Jen and Abby decide to go to his beach bash and get white girl wasted. Seriously, they share ONE bottle of champers and they’re both extremely sloshed and puking by the end of the night. And Jen tries to kiss Dawson because of course she does.
Back in the realm of grown-ups, and after they’ve doled out some teen sex advice, Gail and Mitch each seek advice of their own to save their marriage. Gail talks to Grams, and tells her that she’s maxed out her Victoria’s Secret card and bought all kinds of sex toys, to which Gram naively – and hilariously – offers that having an affair isn’t the answer, but maybe renewing their vows is. Mitch hits up a buddy of his, who reveals that he and his wife are swingers, convincing Mitch that removing monogamy from the equation will relieve some of the pressure from his marriage. Gail does not agree.
Suddenly Dawson remembers that it’s Pacey’s birthday and apologizes for being a brat, while Pacey and Andie share some totally cute moments flirting with each other like kids in a schoolyard. We also get more hints that something with Andie is a little off.
By the end of the episode, Dawson has made up with both Joey and Pacey, and takes Pacey out for a little birthday spin on the boat:
How many times did I have to drink?
11 (I can definitely handle my booze better than Jen Lindley)
While Dawson and Joey are macking on his bed, an infomercial for a sausage maker plays in the background. SAUSAGE, GET IT?
Best pop culture reference
Pacey says he has “A case of the Molly Ringwalds.” Aww.
His sex advice to Dawson: “Remember, no hat… no glove.”
The truest thing anybody said this week
Pacey, to Dawson: “Your life is not that interesting.” Preach, Pacey Witter. Preach.
The worst thing anybody said this week
Dawson tells Joey that she looked “so pretty, so vulnerable” in his movie. VULNERABLE? Gross, Dawson.
Pacey Witter’s worst shirt
There are too many to choose from this week, but this one is supremely the worst:
Abby’s best diss
Referring to Dawson – “Now that you’re done hanging out with Forrest Gump & Co….”
2.03 “Alternative Lifestyles”
The jerk store called this week, and they’re fresh out of Pacey and Jen and Joey, but before we get into their respective douche canoes, let’s enjoy this cute moment when Mitch busts Joey in Dawson’s room after he removed the ladder so she couldn’t sneak in:
Sigh. So for once Dawson isn’t the most insufferable teenager this week. The economics teacher pairs the kids up for an “alternative lifestyles assignment,” which is actually a very useful project to help them prepare for budgeting issues in their future adult lives (Dawson totally gets it!). Pacey gets paired with Andie as a lower-middle class couple with three kids, which allows for some cute play-bickering until it turns into awful, real bickering when Andie drags Pacey to look at apartments for “research.” Pacey is acting as immature as usual, so Andie calls him out, and he responds by asserting that he’s merely fulfilling his destiny as the black sheep of the family and unleashes a torrent of insults. Here, read for yourself:
You want to know the reason this assignment is so fascinating to you? In reality, you’ve never had a problem in your life. You drive around in your Saab, you buy your new clothes, and you basically throw your money away. The idea that people actually have to budget their money is like some novelty to you. You’re rich and you’re spoiled and that’s what it comes down to!
UGH. Poor Andie. But it does give us a nice moment between Pacey and Jack, who tells our boy Witter here that they may have come from privileged backgrounds, but it’s not that simple anymore, and he should take it easy on Andie. We’ve spent maybe a total of five minutes with Jack McPhee, but he’s already just the cutest, sweetest thing – and he has no idea how to mop a floor! I want to hug him.
Joey was the odd one out in class, so she was paired up with herself to research a budget for a successful businesswoman/single mother. Bessie’s been over-working poor Joey (seriously, where the hell is Bodie?), but she offers to help with the assignment since she is a single businesswoman, after all. Joey rejects the offer by insisting that Bessie isn’t “super successful,” delivering an obliviously obnoxious back-handed diss in the process. Instead, Joey takes her teacher’s suggestion and meets with a single mother who teaches art and runs her own interior design business. It’s fine, I guess, whatever. Figure out your hopes and dreams, Joey.
And absolutely zero surprise here: Dawson and Jen have been paired up for the economics assignment, which gives Jen a chance to try and win him back – and by “win” I mean shamelessly throw herself at him with all the subtlety of a banjo. Guys, JEN IS SO DAMN THIRSTY:
It’s not a good look, at all. Yes, Jen can do so much better than Dawson Leery (to be fair, all high school girls can do so much better than high school boys), and it’s sad to watch her throw herself at someone who is no longer interested. Jen has zero respect for herself, and I like to imagine a future where she cringes at the memory of drooling all over this painfully white and whiney little boy. Like, every time she sees a trailer for a new Spielberg movie she reflexively winces and dives for the Raisinets.
Anyway! Jen is spiraling and it’s incredibly difficult to watch. Also difficult to cope with this week: Mitch convinces Gail to give the open marriage thing a shot after he gets all mopey over some dude in accounting giving her a ride home (the guy DID kiss her on the cheek in a very unprofesh manner, though). After Mitch ditches her at home for a night out on the town, Gail reluctantly goes out for an evening on her own – but they both end up alone at their respective dives and they wind up back at home in bed together, in what has to be the coldest and least comfortable bed any two people have ever shared.
Meanwhile, Pacey makes up with Andie just as a very familiar and TOTALLY UNWELCOME FACE watches them creepily from her car outside the school. NOPE NOPE NOPE.
How many times did I have to drink?
Least likely dialogue
“I am a sexual being.” No, Dawson. No, you are not.
Most likely dialogue
From the always reliable Abby Morgan: “I want you to jump the gun. His gun. And I want all the gory details.”
Hello, from 1998:
The most delusional thing anybody said this week
“I’m not humiliating anybody, Dawson. And I know that you’re with Joey and I accept that. I just don’t respect it. And I don’t mean this in a slutty, self-degrading sort of way, but I want to let you know that you’ve got options. And I’m one of them.” YOU ABSOLUTELY DO MEAN IT IN A SELF-DEGRADING WAY, JEN.
Tamara is back. Let’s burn everything down.
That’s it for this week! I have a question for Meredith: Which is worse – Thirsty Jen or Jerk Store Pacey? I don’t even need to ask you how you feel about Tamara’s return because I’m pretty sure you’re flipping a table right now.
Join Meredith back here next week when she covers “Tamara’s Return” and “Full Moon Rising”!
About the Contributor:
Britt Hayes is a writer and sensible sweater enthusiast living in Austin, Texas. She loves movies, watches too much television, and her diet consists mostly of fruit snacks and revenge.