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Drinks Taken: 23
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Last week, Meredith led us through the most YUCK Felicity episode of all time, and I’m referring to the mono, not the introduction of David (bum-dum-dum-ching!). Today’s recap includes what might be the most cringe-worthy episode of the second season, and I am referring to Thanksgiving, but also David.
Trust me, you’re gonna need this drinking game real bad.
The Felicity Season Two Drinking Game Rules
Drink once every time:
Felicity is endearingly earnest.
Ben smiles sheepishly.
Noel is adorkable.
Elena is a better friend than anyone deserves.
Meghan is mean and it’s awesome.
Javier butchers a word or figure of speech.
Richard freaks out (in a good or bad way).
Drink twice every time:
Felicity stresses you out.
Felicity says, “Dear Sally.”
Sean invents something.
Javier refers to Ben as “Benjamin.”
Now get ready for a whole bunch of awkward!
2.7 “Getting Lucky”
Felicity (who, turns out, only had the flu, not mono) and David are getting along swimmingly, which is code for GROSS, to the point where she stays the night–but don’t worry, there was zero sex. On her way home the next day, she spots a ratty little dog without a collar and decides to pick him up and take him home even though he’s super dirty and might have diseases because, as previously established, Felicity is a far better person than me.
She names the dog Lucky and takes him to Noel and Elena’s apartment, because the dorm doesn’t allow dogs. Elena is a hard pass (“How come your good deed turns into my good deed?”), but Noel gets adorably excited because he was allergic to dogs as a kid and never got to properly play with them. Except scratch the was–he is still SUPER allergic, like beet powder level allergic.
Felicity is desperate to get someone to take Lucky because she has plans that night to stay over at David’s again, which means S-E-X (gross), but Javier is a no-go (his cat, Mommy, is insulted by the mere idea) and Sean, wearing a Smoothaise apron, changes his mind in the few seconds it takes for Lucky to destroy the loft kitchen. Ultimately, Felicity ends up taking Lucky to David’s place, and then she can’t get down to horizontal business because the dog keeps staring.
The next day, she gets so desperate that she asks Meghan to watch Lucky, which obviously doesn’t go well, and then, because Elena is so desperate for Felicity to have sex again, Lucky ends up back at the apartment, where he pees on Noel’s architecture model (Elena: “Did you want that house to have a pool?”) Noel pages Felicity and demands that she come get the dog, then relents when he realizes that she’s with David. But Felicity insists on coming to get Lucky, which reveals that deep down, she just isn’t ready to have sex.
Elena, in an effort to help Felicity get over her “hang-ups,” pulls Noel into a convo and promptly leaves. Noel admits that he and Ruby had sex, but he doesn’t think it’s weird that Felicity is taking it slow. “You’re not unhealthy, you’re a romantic,” he says. “Which is what I love most about you.” It’s super sweet until he brings up the fact that the mystery is now gone with Ruby, but not between Felicity and him, which he considers a positive thing. Umm? I’m guessing I found this romantic in college but now it just feels… icky.
After a visit to the vet (who seems like the most gentle, compassionate vet ever–I love this lady), Felicity discovers that Lucky is terribly sick and there’s no cure, so she’ll have to put him down. Nooooo! She takes him to David’s, who bought Lucky a crate (point gained) and refers to Lucky as “it” (point lost). He ends up getting frustrated and tells Felicity, “I’m making every effort to make this work, and you’re not.” To which Felicity responds: “You know what, you’re right. I’m not.” Then she and Lucky make their exit and GOD I wish this is where their relationship ended.
Noel volunteers to go with Felicity to the vet to put Lucky down, but then David shows up, which is nice I GUESS. Afterwards, Felicity admits to David that she was using the dog as an excuse not to sleep with him, and he reassures her that if she’s not ready, they shouldn’t do it. Yeah, yeah, he’s not a bad guy, blah blah blah. But now the pressure is off, so when they start making out, Felicity suddenly decides that she wants to get intimate and they end up having sex! This is the part where I want to make a joke about girls being confusing but I don’t want to sound like an ’80s comedian but seriously, Felicity, YOU ARE CONFUSING.
The next morning, Felicity is back at Noel and Elena’s for breakfast (why?) and Noel realizes that she and David had sex. He’s positively gleeful about it because, he says, “Now you and I have something that you and David don’t.” And I am officially weirded out.
Speaking of weird, Sean is getting more and more into Julie, and it doesn’t help that she walks around the loft SHIRTLESS wearing a black bra. JULIE. HALT. I can’t even with this storyline.
And speaking of I can’t even, Maggie shows back up at Dean & Deluca (requiring four drinks, btw, because Javier tsks Benjamin twice) and asks Ben to have an affair with her. Like, she formally makes this request. Because she’s bonkers. Ben asks Sean for advice, because he’s dumb, and eventually decides to meet her at a hotel room to commence the affairin’. After sexy times (gross), he jokingly looking through her wallet (we see her driver’s license with a birthdate of 5/5/73 which means her birthday just passed and also she’s about 6-7 years older than Ben, which means there is no excuse for her butterfly tramp stamp IMO) and discovers photos of her and her husband. Womp womp! Later he meets said husband face to face when he comes into D&D to order a cake… for their anniversary… with a butterfly on it. Yeeeeeah. BEN. QUIT IT.
How many times do I have to take a drink?
11.
RIP Lucky
Sweet pea, we hardly knew ye. And sorry for what I said earlier about being ratty and dirty. You clean up real nice!
Team Ben Noel
While I am definitely NOT on Team Ben for this episode, I’m not sure I want to reward Noel for his weird “we haven’t had sex and that’s a pure thing I want to cherish” fixation.
Mommy Does Not Approve
If there’s ever a cat spin-off of Best in Show, Javier and Mommy are a MUST.
Real Talk with Elena
Elena is super up front with Felicity about sex, which I adore, and at one point even jokes about Felicity needing another sex book (excellent callback to “Gimme an O”). But she also later admits to pressuring Felicity and feeling bad about it, which I adore even more because she is SUCH A GOOD FRIEND and SO SELF AWARE.
Don’t worry, though, she’s still blunt AF.
Y2K Nostalgia Moment
– Felicity has a beeper… that’s just for emergencies.
– Elena swears that renting a movie is code for sex. It’s like, the late ’90s version of Netflix and chill!
Javier + Ben = BFF
After Lucky dies, Javier gets weepy at D&D, and Ben asks him not to cry. “I’m not like you,” Javier replies. “I’m not this brute, you know, I have emotions.” Ben quickly shifts from lightly teasing him to genuinely comforting him and I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP SO MUCH.
2.8 “Family Affairs”
After Felicity informs her parents that she isn’t coming home for Thanksgiving, they decide to surprise her by showing up at the dorm… right after Meghan interrupts a make-out sesh between her and David. Mr. Porter immediately dislikes David (finally, something we agree on) but they invite him to Thanksgiving, and he readily accepts. Like, too readily. Fortunately, Elena wants to host at the apartment, so that should diffuse the situation, except OH WAIT David’s mom, Dr. F*ck You Art Professor Sherman, wants to join in on the festivities and FELICITY AGREES. Because our stress levels weren’t high enough already (drink).
Felicity eventually tells her parents that she dropped pre-med, and while I think they take the news relatively well (I mean, compared to last season!), Felicity feels judged and upset. But she’s more worried about David, who seems to be getting real serious real fast. He doesn’t freak out when Felicity’s mom buys him a gift–in fact, it’s the opposite, because he bought Felicity’s mom and dad a gift too! “How could I not like your parents?” he asks Felicity. “They’re part of you… the person I’m falling in love with.” VOM TO THE MAX. FELICITY, YOU IN DANGER GIRL.
Felicity grapples with the fact that she’s not in love with David and comes to a startling (and hilarious) realization:
Elena rightfully tells Felicity that she can’t bring any of this up with David that night, i.e. Thanksgiving, but we know our girl so one way or another, things are about to get A for AWKWARD. While she and Elena are picking up last minute groceries, poor Noel is left alone to greet David’s mom (also his professor) and Felicity’s parents. Fortunately (and later, unfortunately), Professor Sherman is a big drinker and makes some stiff punch, causing me to briefly reevaluate my feelings about her. Then Meghan shows up on an invite from Felicity’s mom, David’s mom tells Felicity that she hasn’t seen David this happy in a long time, Noel gets drunk and Thanksgiving is officially b-a-n-a-n-a-s.
Felicity, anxious to the max, takes a breather with Noel in his room, and he starts to wax nostalgic about the previous Thanksgiving (I love that the writers call back to that) and then HE AND FELICITY KISS just as DAVID’S MOM WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR and IS IT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE TO DISAPPEAR THROUGH THE SMALL CRACK BETWEEN MY SOFA CUSHIONS BECAUSE I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO DO SO. Professor Sherman quickly leaves and doesn’t say anything, but then ding ding it’s dinner time! Meghan asks to keep the turkey bones (of course she does), which should be the most outlandish thing you would hear at Thanksgiving but Mr. Porter is in the house, y’all! He jokingly (he’s not joking) tells David’s mom that he hopes Felicity gets special treatment considering she’s dating her son. WHO DOES THAT?
It’s the cringe cornucopia that keeps giving, because then Professor Sherman asks to speak to Felicity alone and the latter responds as anyone in their right mind would:
Felicity: Nuh-uh
In spite of all of us willing this not to happen, Felicity does end up talking with Professor Sherman in Noel’s room, and Sherman demands that she be honest with David about the kiss with Noel, and then suddenly everyone rushes into the room and wants to know what happened including Felicity’s parents and LORD PLEASE WAKE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE. Felicity impressively gathers herself to demand a second alone with David, to whom she profusely apologizes. She reminds David us that she and Ben only broke up two months ago (TV time flies) and confesses that she’s simply not ready to be in a serious relationship. I do feel bad for David, honestly, but I also think that Felicity handles this conversation so thoughtfully and maturely. And David seems to take it as well as can be expected? The writers save us the grief of watching everyone leave the dinner, but we do get to see Felicity walking home with her mom and dad, whose combined chill make for a sweet moment turned badass by Mrs. Porter’s declaration: “I wanted to hit your teacher. Just didn’t want to screw up your GPA.” YOU GO BARBARA PORTER.
Meanwhile, Javier enlists Ben (who then enlists Julie and Sean) to work a charity event on Thanksgiving night at Dean & Deluca. And oh goody, Maggie and her husband are running the event! Ben expresses his discomfort to Maggie, who tells him, “It would mean a lot to me just for you to be there,” because she is that kind of twisted. While Sean is doing a hard sell on Smoothaise with his platter of shrimp, Julie’s doing the hard work of interrupting Maggie and Ben as they start to hook up in the kitchen WHILE MAGGIE’S HUSBAND IS OUTSIDE I MEAN. I’ll admit to softening a bit once we see Maggie’s husband hardcore flirting with another woman, but then Maggie introduces Ben to her husband and says, “I thought you should meet the person I’ve been sleeping with.” To repeat my earlier question, CAN I 100% VANISH INTO MY COUCH?
After the party, Julie, Sean and Ben head back to the loft for a Thanksgiving dinner of tofurky (all Sean), sans the Smoothaise (per Ben and Julie). Sean and Julie cutely pepper Ben with advice, like, “Never date a caterer,” and as the snow falls outside, it’s impossible not to reflect on how much has changed in a year–and how much, like Felicity’s ability to give me anxiety attacks, remains the same.
How many times do I have to take a drink?
12.
Team Noel
Ben is currently disqualified because Maggie and while it’s not cool that Noel, who is dating Ruby, kissed Felicity, I can’t help it–Drunk Noel is so close to Beet Powder Noel, and Beet Powder Noel is my favorite.
This Episode Could’ve Used 100% More Meghan + Barbara
Meghan: “Mom’s gonna get toasted, this is gonna be great.”
Mr. Porter’s Review of Epstein Bar
“So this is your college hangout, huh? It’s sort of a bar.” He’s not wrong.
The Noel & Meghan Drunk Peanut Gallery
I’d pay a million dollars to add a running commentary from these two as a bonus feature to my Felicity DVDs.
Javier Meets Barbara
Javier is OVER THE MOON to meet Felicity’s mom, and this scene, with its extended hug, could NOT be cuter.
Javier + Ben = BFF
Ben: No, why?
Javier: No, I’m asking.
Heart eyes emojis for days.
So how are y’all feeling about these Felicity and Noel developments? What about Maggie–did this episode make her more sympathetic?
And can we all unite in shared celebration of BYE DAVID?
Join me for a convo in the comments then tune in next week when Meredith recaps “Portraits” and “Great Expectations” (i.e. the return of Team Ben).
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