Drinks Taken: 11
Follow the whole rewatch here!
Last week, Sarah carried us through the brunt of the early S2 fall-out, when Noel and Julie are both unbearable a-holes and everyone hates each other. Now our pals are all made up and we can move on to the big fun of Felicity‘s best season!
But first, let’s drink to getting David over with as soon as possible.
The Felicity Drinking Game Rules
Drink once every time:
Felicity is endearingly earnest.
Ben smiles sheepishly.
Noel is adorkable.
Elena is a better friend than anyone deserves.
Meghan is mean and it’s awesome.
Javier butchers a word or figure of speech.
Richard freaks out (in a good or bad way).
Drink twice every time:
Felicity stresses you out.
Felicity says, “Dear Sally.”
Sean invents something.
Javier refers to Ben as “Benjamin.”
And I shall personally be drinking every time David sucks, because that’s the only way I can stand to watch him.
Let’s talk about this picture first, shall we? In probably my favorite ever Noelena arc, Noel buys a Playstation, and after some righteous skepticism on Elena’s part, her competitive streak gets the better of her and they spend four straight days obsessing over some dumb video game. They grow steadily more insane in the pursuit of beating this game, eventually eschewing eating, leaving the apartment and – in Noel’s case, at least – combing their hair.
Finally, Elena gets the name of a video game expert from her cousin, and they consult him on the phone. Noel loses his temper and yells and makes the EIGHT-YEAR-OLD BOY cry, and that’s when they finally throw in the towel. This whole storyline is so funny, tbh. More Noelena stuff!
In less cute storylines, Maggie is still happening. She drops by Dean & Deluca – while Felicity is there, watching curiously but not necessarily jealously – and flirts with Ben in her dumb, smug way. She invites him to her office that night, and she weirdly tries to seduce him by forcing him to eat an apple tart he clearly does not want and then brushing invisible crumbs off his dimples. They almost kiss before she gets an IMPORTANT! BUSINESSWOMAN! phone call and sends Ben away, even though he just arrived at her insistence. Maggie is so rude. So they have a date the next night and then head back to the loft. After Sean spoon-feeds Maggie some Smoothaise (making me laugh because now Ben and Maggie have both been force-fed on their weird dates), she and Ben have sex. He seems VERY pleased with himself the following morning, but she gets out of there as quickly as possible, to Ben’s consternation.
Okay. Time to face the David music. (I hate him so much!!) Noel and Felicity still have feelings for each other, very obviously, and Elena keeps wisely trying to derail their admittedly warm chemistry by asking Noel about Ruby and asking Felicity if she’s seeing anyone. Felicity tells Sally that she’s not ready to date, but then crummy old Professor Sherman takes Felicity aside and asks her if she’d be interested in being fixed up with the professor’s son, David. This is highly inappropriate for a couple of power dynamic reasons, reasons that are immediately made manifest when Professor Sherman gives Felicity her first positive feedback and her first A and Felicity has no idea if this is because her work warrants it or because her prof is trying to butter her up so she’ll agree to the blind date. Not okay!
But after Felicity sees Ben moving on with Maggie, and keeps hearing about Noel moving on with Ruby, she decides it’s her turn – especially after Julie returns to her role of supportive friend who gives Felicity badly needed advice about casual dating. Julie tells Felicity that she needs to bounce back from her Ben breakup with a B-list guy, so she’s ready when an A-list guy comes around. “That’s what I did after my Ben breakup,” Julie admits, and it’s kind of a nice, poignant moment for the two. I’m so glad they don’t hate each other anymore! That was too stressful.
So Felicity starts getting ready for the date, and it’s cute because she’s so earnest and nervous and excited, and she tells Sally, “I hope I look pretty enough!” DUH, GIRL, YOU LITERALLY ALWAYS DO. And then, of course, David shows up and is a total dick. He gives sullen one-word answers to all of Felicity’s very thoughtful questions, and he never asks her a single thing about herself, and he flies through a bottle of wine and then orders (in French, OF COURSE, eye roll) another from the server, telling her (also in French, assuming Felicity won’t understand him) that he needs to keep drinking until he disappears. Felicity excuses herself and calls Julie for advice mid-date – aww, just like in S1! And this other time in S1! – and Julie tells her to get out of there. Felicity walks back to the table and tells David off in the COOLEST WAY POSSIBLE – in French! The below caption is actually subtitles for her fabulous French diss.
So the next day David finds Felicity in her dorm room and apologizes. I begrudgingly acknowledge that it’s a good, sincere apology in which he takes full responsibility, but also admits that he’s bitter because his last girlfriend left him for – and married – his best friend. TELL YOUR STORY WALKING, BUD. But before he gets around to working on Felicity’s sympathy, he asks her out again, and she awesomely tells him off once more. I love how impressed Meghan is:
But then David tells his sob story and leaves, and Meghan cracks me up by scolding Felicity. “I think you were a little harsh on him!” Later, David shows up at Dean & Deluca with a rose and some cookies, ugh, and apologizes some more, and Felicity finally caves. Their second date seems to go well, and though I still find David tedious and unattractive even when he’s not being a gigantic tool, Felicity seems charmed by him. Still, later, she and Noel share sparks, and Felicity doesn’t tell him about David. She admits to Sally, “It’s just weird talking about B-list people with an A-list guy.” I think Felicity’s grading system is wack, but I agree Noel sure seems A-list in comparison to ol’ F-list David.
How many times do I have to take a drink?
5. That’s not counting all the times I drank because David sucks.
When Noel asks her if she ever played video games growing up, she gets all warm and fuzzy remembering her first toy doctor’s set.
Y2K Nostalgia Moment
ELENA’S HAT, YOU GUYS
Noelena Bonding Action
F*ck you, Art Professor
Sarah established this category last week, and it’s already coming in so handy! Like when Professor Sherman tells Felicity to wear “something light” and “a little color on your lips” for her date. BISH, STEP OFF. Keri Russell has this covered. She does not need your beauty advice, you unprofessional dirtbag.
What can I say, Elena brings out the best in him.
2.6 “The Love Bug”
Mono has come to UNY, and just in time for midterms! Carl is the first victim, naturally, because Carl’s a walking disaster, but Meghan’s the next to fall prey to the kissing disease. David is terribly concerned for Felicity’s well-being and suggests that she stay with him that night, which Felicity hopes means he’s actually going to kiss her for the first time despite the fact that they’ve been on multiple dates by now. Ugh, David’s such a drip. But then David calls to say his apartment’s being fumigated, so Felicity spends a night on the couch in the dorm common area – and then immediately stresses me out by SPYING ON NOEL AND RUBY while they make out. STOP! STARING!
Meanwhile, Noel and Felicity are still all sparky, but also Noel and Ruby are genuinely hitting it off, a relationship in which I’m much more invested than Felicity and David. Ruby keeps confiding in Felicity about Noel, up to and including asking her for birth control advice, and Felicity begs Noel to tell Ruby that they used to date so she can avoid this awkwardness. Noel says he will, but he won’t let Felicity tell her in the meantime, so of course it comes out in the worst way possible. David picks Felicity up at Noelena’s just as Noel and Ruby are leaving for dinner, and Ruby suggests they all go to Epstein Bar together. (Sure, if you all want mono.) At first the evening seems to be going well, but as everyone gets drunker, Noel and Felicity get flirtier, which Ruby and David can’t help but notice but try to ignore. Later, Noel and Ruby are making out (just in the hallway in front of the bar’s bathroom, gross, guys), and Noel calls her Felicity. NO! Noel! GET IT TOGETHER! Just don’t say anyone‘s name when you’re making out!
Ruby’s mortified, and even more so when Noel admits that he and Felicity used to date and she realizes she’s been confiding in Noel’s ex-girlfriend all this time. She confronts Felicity in front of David, and she’s completely right when she says, “You put me in a really embarrassing position.” Sure, Noel told Felicity that he wanted to tell Ruby himself, but there was nothing stopping Felicity from saying, “Noel’s my friend, so if it’s cool, I’d rather not advise you in how to have sex with him” or whatever. Also, Felicity never told David about Noel, either, and David’s still all wounded from his last breakup, so he tells Felicity he doesn’t think he can trust her. What a mess! (Except who cares about the David part.)
Luckily for Noel, Ruby is an angel, and she decides to forgive him. When he tries to make her understand why he said Felicity’s name, she cuts him off. “You don’t need to explain it. You just can’t ever do it again.” They have sex, and I honestly can’t believe she’s letting him off this easy, but also Ruby has bigger fish to fry. Because oh yeah! Ruby was discovered by a producer while walking through the park, and she goes to an audition for some big, secret movie, and she GETS THE PART! She’s leaving to film for three weeks, and her romantic co-star will be Tom Cruise. I sort of love this super unlikely plot, and I agree that Amy Smart is so pretty in a very interesting way and worthy of being discovered as Tom Cruise’s fictional girlfriend.
So Felicity inevitably catches Meghan’s mono (I mean, it doesn’t help that Meghan SNEEZED IN HER FACE, this episode is so nasty), and she goes over to David’s house while wearing a medical mask to apologize because she really wants to see where this relationship is going. Dude, it’s going nowhere, stay in bed, you need rest. Anyway, David seems moved by the gesture, and he tells her “Give me mono,” and then he KISSES SWEATY, MONO-RIDDEN FELICITY! I am horrified. Worst first kiss ever. This episode legit grosses me out.
Oh good, more gross stuff! Ben keeps showing up at Maggie’s work, hoping to hook up again, and eventually they do have sex once more, but she’s still so weird about it, telling him it’s the last time. He shows up again the next day and asks her to take a trip to Vermont with him (I concur with Maggie that this is “cute,” though Ben finds the word condescending), and then her assistant walks in and tells Maggie that her husband is on the phone. RUH-ROH. And also gross.
How many times do I have to take a drink?
There’s this cute scene where Felicity, Elena, Julie and Ruby are all quietly gossiping about David while Noel’s in the other room. When he comes over to see what they’re all talking about, they just start giggling, and it feels like the realest friendship moment.
Javier always surprises me with his prudish approach to premarital sex. He is highly suspicious of David’s motives when he hears that Felicity’s staying over that night. Also he makes me laugh when he thinks “BS” stands for “boy shenanigans.”
She’s delirious enough to HAVE SEX WITH CARL, if that tells you anything.
Real Talk With Elena
When she finds out Felicity has mono:
Thank you, Elena, for being the ONLY PERSON to respond with adequate caution to this very contagious and serious illness!
That’s it for this week! Does anyone on earth like David? Obviously the writers never took this relationship seriously, but WHY COULDN’T SIMON REX BE FELICITY’S B-LIST GUY? Or at least let her hook up with the sexual equivalent of Simon Rex. The most compelling thing about David is that he and Felicity have the same haircut.
Meet Sarah here next Wednesday morning as she talks up “Getting Lucky” and “Family Affairs.”