Drinks Taken: 17
Follow the whole rewatch here!
Last week, stuff got reeeeeeeal soap operatic in a way that is sadly pretty true to college life. Thank goodness we move onto a totally different kind of soap opera this week!
Let’s drink to Sean, who is my #1 absolute favorite rn:
The Felicity Drinking Game Rules
Drink once every time:
You cringe during the “New Version of You” credit sequence.
Felicity is endearingly earnest.
Ben smiles sheepishly.
Noel is adorkable.
Elena is a better friend than anyone deserves.
Meghan is mean and it’s awesome.
Javier butchers a word or figure of speech.
Richard freaks out (in a good or bad way).
Drink twice every time:
Felicity stresses you out.
Felicity says, “Dear Sally.”
Sean invents something.
Javier refers to Ben as “Benjamin.”
Onto the eps!
3.6 “One Ball, Two Strikes”
Sean has a simple outpatient procedure planned due to the soreness in his testicle he discovered last week. He’s nervous, but trying to be jolly about it, and it helps that he currently has the best girlfriend EVER, ’cause we have never seen Meghan as sweet and supportive as she is here. Sean goes to his appointment and the doctor gives him bad news: the tests they took came back with some scary results, and the doctor’s pretty sure Sean has cancer. Suddenly, this simple outpatient appointment is turning into an overnight hospital stay for surgery to remove one testicle and a few lymph nodes. Sean decides he can’t deal, so he tells everyone that it was all a mistake and he’s fine. Meghan is so happy and relieved, and she arranges a dinner party to celebrate the good news. But Sean starts looking increasingly anxious as the evening turns into a series of stories about people who have died of cancer (fun party!), so he excuses himself to take a breather outside. Then Meghan accidentally intercepts a phone call from his doctor, and she figures out what’s going on. She goes to talk to Sean, and instead of being mad that he lied, she tearfully tells him that she doesn’t want to have her own story about how someone she loves died of cancer, and if he’s not willing to have the surgery for himself, then he has to do it for her. Sean is so moved to see tough-ass Meghan crying, and he’s not the only one <3 He agrees to get the surgery, and beforehand he puts himself in front of the Docuventary camera for the first time ever, talking about his surgery in his perfect, weird, precise Sean way.
He has the surgery and wakes to find a room full of sweet, supportive friends – and his wonderful girlfriend, looking at him with the biggest heart eyes. Meghan and Sean are Season 3’s saving grace!!
Because it sure ain’t either of the other couples this week. Ben and Felicity are still hella estranged, and Ben can barely look at her, still convinced she slept with Randy last week no matter what Felicity says. His reaction is understandable at first, but it grows to be less so throughout the episode, and Felicity makes everything 100,000x worse by asking Randy to talk to Ben and convince him nothing happened. This is one of Felicity’s most bone-headed moves of all time, and you can be forgiven for polishing off a Costco-sized bottle of whiskey from the stress. Naturally, Ben responds by beating the ever-loving crap out of Randy, because he’s Ben, and when Felicity sees his bruised hand, she guesses what happened and asks Ben about it. He FLIPS OUT on her, throwing a lamp against the wall and screaming, “DO NOT DEFEND HIM!!!!” and, ugh, Season 3 is a lot already.
Thankfully, Sean’s here to save the day, giving Ben a deathbed-like speech, telling him if one drunken mistake is enough for Ben to ruin things with Felicity, then maybe he doesn’t deserve her. And then Sean gives Ben his grandfather’s pen, and tells him that he’s also scared, but he’s not going to push away the people he loves, and neither should Ben. ILU SEAN! It works, and Ben goes to Felicity’s art show and buys a piece she made that’s clearly an ode to his running days. They make up beautifully, with Ben admitting that Felicity’s the only person he can trust, and he needs that trust, and just when you’re about to relax and think everything’s going to be okay again, Ben makes a quick grocery store run and finds himself surrounded by Randy and his friends, who have arrived to kick his ass. Sigh.
Meanwhile, Elena and Finn are still seriously vibing, to my immense disappointment, and when Tracy goes out of town for the night to do some Habitat for Humanity work like the PERFECT ANGEL HE IS, Elena volunteers to help his Sociology partner finish up a project. Naturally, that partner ends up being Finn (UNY is so small!), and they’re supposed to pull an all-nighter together. Finn is very upfront about how much he likes Elena, and Elena talks a good game about how Tracy’s her boyfriend and she’s not an option, but the next morning Finn kisses her, a big kiss, and she lets him. Tracy comes home and is so grateful to Elena for helping with his project, and she looks really guilty, and goes back to Finn’s apartment to tell him the kiss can never happen again – so naturally they start making out and head into his apartment, presumably to do it. Siiiiiiiiigh.
A brief reprieve of levity before we return to Sigh Territory! Noel thinks Richard’s gay due to a pic he saw last week of Richard shirtless with another guy, which feels like a big jump to make except that it’s Richard, who has always seemed deeply in love with Noel, so it basically checks out. Noel talks to Javier about it, sweetly wanting to figure out the best way to make Richard feel comfortable enough to come out, and he doesn’t say a name, just mentions “a friend.” Though Javier hopefully guesses it’s Benjamin at first, lol, he’s then immediately like, “Oh wait, it’s Richard.” And for the rest of this conversation, while Noel keeps trying to talk about his friend anonymously, Javier just keeps saying, “Richard.” It’s so funny. Anyway, Noel tries to talk to Richard very supportively, and Richard is HORRIFIED and furious. At first it seems like a gross bit of no-homo, but then we learn that Richard’s actually upset because he’s hiding ANOTHER sexual secret – that he’s a virgin. He hasn’t even kissed a girl, bless his heart. Unfortunately, this revelation comes out in front of Meghan, who thinks it’s hilarious. Meghan tells everyone, including Molly, and though Richard says he’s over his crush of last week, he’s still mad that Meghan blurted it out.
But in the end, it’s kind of a nice thing that Richard’s former crush knows he’s a virgin. While Sean’s in the hospital, Richard and Molly are walking around, and Richard says some sweet stuff about how hospital visits help us appreciate life and our friendships more. Molly asks him if it’s true that he’s never kissed a girl, and while Richard’s sputtering on about Meghan’s big mouth, Molly gives him a long, lovely kiss that totally floors him. She tells him not to get the wrong idea, they’re just friends, and he seems cool with that, though still pretty speechless from the kiss. It’s cute and nice and I’m liking Molly a lot more this week.
Back to Sighland! Noel has a new computer tech customer, and it’s a very beautiful woman that he IMMEDIATELY starts obsessing over to a concerning degree. Jane’s smart and nice and cool, a dance major who takes math and science classes as electives just for funsies, so I get his obsession, but it is WORRYING. First, he spies on her while she’s changing, which is so gross, and then it gets way worse – he steals a look at her computer password so he can spy on her more thoroughly. WHAT THE HECK, Noel. Sighsighsiiiiiiiiigh.
How many times do I have to take a drink?
Javier’s Humanities Professor Has A Little Crunch On Him
How does he know, you ask?
Put It On Her Tombstone
Jane is played by a little nobody named TYRA BANKS!!! She’s charming in the role, and honestly, I’d say “who can blame Noel for being obsessed with Tyra Banks” but the way he’s acting is VERY blame-worthy regardless of Top Model circumstances.
Molly’s chilled quite a bit, and she’s become such a lovely friend to everyone in the group, especially Felicity and Elena, who both confide in her about their boyfriend troubles this week.
I love a roommate pedi!
3.7 “Kissing Mr. Covington”
Ben’s home from the hospital after his ass-kicking. It looks bad – REALLY bad, Noel keeps reminding him – but he and Felicity appear to be on strong footing and he seems like he’s in a pretty good headspace. So enter Mr. Covington to screw everything up! Turns out the hospital called Ben’s dad and he’s flown to New York to be with his son, who of course wants nothing to do with him after the last catastrophe. Felicity continues to be a terminal optimist and tries to convince Ben to give his dad one more chance, but he’s not really feeling it. Later, Felicity’s dancing around her apartment by herself (it’s sort of a random moment?) when Mr. Covington just lets himself in. This is so creepy and inappropriate for multiple reasons! LOCK YOUR VERY NICE NYC APARTMENT, GIRLS. Mr. Covington’s there to ask Felicity to convince Ben to see him, which is just uncool and a lot of pressure on a young relationship. Felicity gamely tries, but Ben is still determined to give his dad the brush-off. I both love and relate to Felicity’s plucky fix-it optimism, but since Ben has a lifetime of experience dealing with his dad, I think his judgment should be trusted here.
Later, Mr. Covington pops up at Felicity’s apartment AGAIN, and it’s already getting super weird before it becomes next-level terrible. He starts weeping that he’s already lost his son, very much playing the poor-me card instead of taking any responsibility for his part in their estrangement. So Felicity, being the kind soul that she is, comforts him, and gah, this is so upsetting I can barely type it much less gif it, but he then starts NUZZLING HER NECK and then he KISSES HER. Gahhhhhhhhhh. Poor Felicity. Gah gah gah. Poor Felicity! (I wrote the words “poor Felicity” like a dozen times in my notes for this episode.) Her face in the above pic says it all, but I went ahead and gifed it because I don’t know that I can adequately express the horror using words.
So THEN of course Ben comes around and says Felicity’s right, he should give his dad another chance, so she doesn’t feel like she can tell him what happened and ruin the potential for their reconciliation. Poor, sweet Felicity. Ben invites Mr. Covington over and he’s so jovial and jolly and full of bravado, and Felicity’s doing her best to enjoy the evening but she’s horribly uncomfortable, especially as soon as Ben goes to the bathroom and she and Mr. Covington are left alone together. He starts apologizing and talking about how lonely and vulnerable he’s been and AUGH NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR THIS YOU OLD LECH. Later, Ben tells Felicity that he wanted to surprise her with tickets to a play that night, but now that he’s injured he can’t go, and he’d really like Felicity to take his dad so they can get to know each other better and his dad can see some of New York. Felicity tries to accept at first, but then the wiggins get the best of her, and she tells Ben that she can’t, because his dad makes her uncomfortable. He immediately realizes his dad must have done something awful, and he tries to get her to tell him what, but she can’t bring herself to say it. So he goes to Mr. Covington and makes HIM say it, and while this whole scene and storyline are dreadful, truly dreadful, I’m so proud of Ben for not beating the tar out of his dad right then and there. He admits to Felicity that he’s so angry all of the time, he feels like he’s drenched in kerosene and could explode at any moment, and she gives him some literature about Al-Anon, the support group for family members of addicts. He doesn’t seem to want to hear about it at first, but then he does go to a meeting, and I continue to be so proud of him. And then he sees Molly there! So I guess we’ll learn more about her in future episodes.
Whew! Okay. That was stressful. Moving on to almost as stressful plots. Noel tries to ask Jane out, but everything he says is wrong – she doesn’t care about computer graphics, she hates sushi – so he gives into temptation and uses her password to read her emails to her best friend in order to learn more about her. This whole time, Elena is giving him VERY GOOD advice about what a terrible idea that is, but he does it anyway, and he learns all about Jane’s favorite food, books, activities, and what she wants a man to say to her. “This food is great, but you know what I’d rather be doing? I’d rather be making love to you.” So of course Noel manages to sweep Jane off her feet using all of this intel he got from SPYING ON HER, and they go on a date which seems to be going swimmingly, until Noel tries the “I’d rather be making love to you” line, earning him a swift slap in the face. Considering how gross and dishonest he’s being, it’s very satisfying to watch.
But later, Jane finds him and tells him she realizes she was being a hypocrite, because she’s always wished a guy would say something like that, so she wants another chance with Noel. He’s overjoyed; I’m horrified. RUN AWAY, TYRA. RUN TO ANTM. IT’S SAFER THERE.
We’re not done with the stressful stories this week, people, I’m sorry to tell you. Elena is consumed with guilt for having sex with Finn, as she should be, especially because Tracy’s being extra sweet this week (when is Tracy NOT sweet, honestly). She and Noel make a pact to tell Jane and Tracy the truth about their bad behavior, but both break it. Noel breaks it because he’s a wimp, but Elena GENUINELY TRIES to tell Tracy and he does that TV thing where he keeps talking over her and telling her “my thing first! My thing first!” And then he reads her a sweet poem he wrote her, and she can’t bring herself to break his heart after that. But then McGrath gets busted for sleeping with ALL his students (gross), and a list is going around with Elena’s name on it. Tracy sees it and is upset that she never told him, and when he brings it up to Finn, Finn thinks he’s talking about HIM and Elena, and the beans, they are spilled. Gah. Poor Tracy is devastated, but it’s the end of the episode, so we don’t see him confront Elena just yet. I’m not looking forward to it!
Finally! A non-stressful plotline! (Thank goodness for Sean and Meghan.) Turns out Sean made a deal with God before going into surgery, and since he survived, he now has to live his life as a very devout Jew. Meghan does her best to go along with him, buying him all sorts of kosher groceries (including Kit-Kats!) and bringing them to him in his hospital bed, but then he breaks up with her because she’s a Wiccan who refuses to convert to Judaism. “I want my kids to be Jewish, not Jew-witch,” he says, and this entire stressful episode is worth it for that one perfect line. Meghan’s really bummed about it, but it turns out Sean’s hospital roommate is a rabbi, and he tells Sean to chill on the sudden devotion to the faith, and that if he loves that goy, he should marry her, not break up with her. So poor confused Sean tries to propose to Meghan, who’s like, “Hell no! But I will get back together with you, you weirdo.” It’s all very goofy and adorable and I love these two.
How many times do I have to take a drink?
And The Understatement Of The Year Goes To
That’s it for this week! Questions for you: is Molly growing on you? I’m really starting to like her. Also have you ever had a partner’s parent make you uncomfortable? One of my boyfriends’ dads was always overly flirty and Mr. Covington was giving me hella awkward flashbacks.
Meet Sarah here next Wednesday morning as she covers “A Good Egg” and “James and the Giant Piece.”