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Previously: Elena tells Damon she’s never felt more alive. Gemini Coven twins have to merge, and the weaker one dies. Tyler doesn’t plan to let that happen to Liv. Caroline hated Stefan for ruining their friendship, but then he held her hand. (Insert my squealing.) Stefan admitted to Elena that he wasn’t there for Caroline when she needed him. Liz is dying and Caroline convinced her that vampire blood can heal her. (Spoiler: Outlook is grim.)
So, this week was a little less Late Night with Damon and more Whirlwind of Death. Let’s talk show!
Caroline is sleeping in her mom’s room when she hears noises and heads downstairs. Creepy looking Colin (the cancer dude she gave her blood to) is collapsing at her door and knows her name! Stefan arrives in the morning, asking the important questions, like how did he know Caroline’s name if she compelled him, and what if the blood he’s wearing isn’t even his. They expose Colin to a little sunlight to deduce that he must have died after she fed him and now he’s a vampire. OOPS. What, Stefan? Like you’ve never accidentally sired anyone?
Elena needs to head to her volunteer shift at the hospital, which is weird for someone who never goes to class. Alaric is off on some magic errand, so she calls Damon in to babysit their catatonic serial killer (Kai), not to smother him with a pillow. Before she leaves, Damon asks her out for an eggplant dinner (ugh, even the undead don’t eat carbs anymore) and to the pretentious art house theater to throw popcorn at hipsters. Then Elena realizes that they’ve been on this date before, not that she remembers it. She insists on truly starting over, not retreading old ground, like Damon’s tired pouting over the memory erase.
Liv (and her false eyelashes) and Tyler are laying in bed together, talking Spring Break plans, when her dad knocks on the door, arriving earlier than expected, to take the twins to their birthday dinner. They’re reached optimal merge age. Yeah, that’s a thing.
Jo and Elena are already at the hospital when Stefan arrives carrying Colin. Damon, and Caroline and Liz all arrive shortly after, to Jo’s diagnosis that Colin now has “stage 10 cancer” but now he’s a vampire and can’t die. And now the same thing is going to happen to Liz.
Elena gives Stefan a hard time for letting Caroline give her mother vampire blood without “doing more research.” It’s cool, Elena. I’m sure he tried to Bing it. Stefan rightly calls Elena out on not exactly having been rational when she lost Damon. Caroline is just trying to save her mother.
Tyler wants to go along with Liv and Luke to the dinner with their father, where they plan to try and convince him that Jo is strong enough for the ritual and they shouldn’t have to merge. Knowing how diplomatic and rational Tyler is, they turn him down.
Damon reminds Elena that he and Liz are close (only because Liz doesn’t know the whole story of what went on when he and Caroline “dated”). Jo comes out and her expression is not positive.
Caroline is beating herself (and a vending machine) up over having fed her mom the blood, because she’s a “textbook control freak.” Stefan corrects her: “optimist.” She’s both. They hear screaming from Colin’s room, where he’s been impaling himself, only to discover he can’t die. He begs Caroline to kill him, saying he can hear the tumors growing. Oh, YIKES. Damon does a rapid merciful heart snatch to grant Colin’s wish. Then he cruelly breaks the news to Caroline that Jo’s blood transfusion didn’t work on Liz, so Colin isn’t the only person Caroline has killed. Because yeah, Damon. Your friendly affection for Liz trumps the fact that this is Caroline’s only living family. Stefan just shakes his head disappointedly at Damon, instead of punching him in the face.
Elena breaks it to Liz that the transfusion didn’t work and that Caroline didn’t take it well and took off. They hold hands and cry together. Stefan finds Caroline at a florist, planning the flowers arrangements for her mother’s memorial, because this is Caroline. Stefan tells her that his mother got sick when he was young, and he stayed away, so that he didn’t have to see her like that, and now he’d give anything to have another day with her. That does the trick, and Caroline take his hand, and heads back to Liz’s side.
Liv and Luke’s dad is not happy that they’re refusing to merge. He doesn’t see anything wrong with one twin absorbing the other other and only Luke being left. Because they’re still trying to convince us that kid is somehow stronger than Liv.
Damon goes back to Kai detail to find Tyler there, trying to wake Kai, so that he’ll merge with Jo and Liv will be safe. This somehow gives Damon an idea, so he drugs Tyler and calls Liv, asking to speak with her father. Damon verifies there’s a celestial event happening that night that would allow Liv and Luke to merge. As Kai awakens, Damon tells him he has a fresh magic syphoning opportunity for him. Damon’s big plan is for Kai to suck the vampire magic out of Liz. His price for doing so (that Damon agreed to!) is he gets to merge with Jo that night, even though she’s not strong enough yet. Sucking the magic out of Liz seems to work, but then her heart starts failing and Kai disappears. As Damon is trying to explain his stupid plan to Jo, Kai magically neck snaps him, and drags her out of the hospital.
Liv and Luke’s dad gives them a nice speech about how they’re family and “in this together.” Then he takes their hands and starts the merge against their will. Tyler interrupts, and deservedly beats the hell out of their dad, until Liv has to pull him off. Luke gets an idea and dashes off, telling Liv to trust him. Uh oh.
Kai threatens to rip out Jo’s heart, and she threatens to ruin his life. Sounds like normal sibling stuff to me. Then they slice their palms, grab hands, and start chanting. Because some families are just weird. Then Luke magically knocks Jo out of the way and tells Kai to merge with him instead. Kai laughs, which, fair. But Luke double dog dares him into proceeding.
Elena is doing chest compressions on Liz when Damon comes in and suggests getting a real doctor, because he’s helpful like that. Liz flatlines while the staff work on her and we see a dream Liz packing photos of her and Caroline into a suitcase and calling for Caroline to come say goodbye. When she finds her, she sees a bloody-faced, vamped out Caroline. Liz jolts awake to Caroline having been sobbing over her dead body. Elena leaves the room, freaking out about how Caroline’s mom almost died in her arms. Uh, pretty sure she actually did. Elena says she doesn’t want to waste another minute of life and launches herself at Damon. As far as seizing life goes, it’s not terrible.
Liz tells Caroline that none of this was her fault, and she needs Caroline to stop beating herself up about it. Liz promises to stick around for as long as she can. Liz sends Caroline off for coffee and makes Stefan promise to be there for her. “When I’m gone, she’s going to need you.” A sad Caroline overhears this outside the door.
Luke and Kai pass out after their merge and Jo tearfully tells Damon that whoever wakes up is the winner. She’s gently trying to pat Luke awake. Liv and Tyler are with her father when he announces they have to run. He can feel that Luke is gone and Kai has won, but she doesn’t believe him. While Jo cries over Luke’s body, Kai wakes, and confirms all of our worst fears.
Thoughts:
- Why does Caroline’s bedhead look better than my hair EVER?
- “As far as humans go, she’s tolerable.” The highest praise from Damon.
- “I could kiss you right now, you beautiful moron.” I can’t say I’m surprised that Damon has been checking Tyler out.
- “Get on with it, Kai. Just listening to you talk makes me want to die.” HEART YOU, LIZ.
- Since when can witches suck the vampire magic out of people? This seems like something that might have come up sometime in the last SIX YEARS.
- Guys, I’m concerned about the future of Steroline! Caroline will probably now think Stefan is just there because of his promise to her mother.
