Title: Veronica Mars S2.E03 “Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang”
Veronica Mars S2.E04 “Green-Eyed Monster”
Veronica Mars S2.E05: “Blast from the Past”
Released: 2005
Series:  Veronica Mars

Trips to the Dentist: 29
Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Players: Not Jackie, Mac, and Anyone But Jackie

Previously, on Veronica Mars

A lot to get to today, Marshmallows! And libations are deffo appreciated, because UGH JACKIE.

The Official FYA Veronica Mars Season 2 Drinking Game

Take a drink every time:

  • Someone says “Veronica Mars”, even when they know full well who she is and there’s no other Veronica in all of Neptune
  • Veronica uses her camera
  • Mars family members hug (Backup counts!)
  • Backup appears
  • Someone mentions the 90909 zip code or ’09ers
  • Someone uses a disguise/alias/fake voice
  • A character, initially introduced as good, turns out to be a baddie (or vice versa)
  • Fisticuffs occur
  • Veronica has a meeting in a bathroom
  • Logan’s voicemail greeting is heard
  • A Taser is used
  • Veronica mentions ponies or unicorns
  • The communal argyle shirt appears
  • Someone says “bus crash”

Onto the episodes!

MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 2.3 “Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang”

Beaver suspects stepmom Kendall to be a cheating gold digger, because duh she totally is. Veronica follows Kendall to a motel room meeting with some dude — but for bribing and not boning. Casablancas Enterprises has been paying off the county assessor and committing big-time real estate fraud, proving that it’s kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy when you call yourself Big Dick.

How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 15

Greasers vs. Socs

No big developments.

File Under the Bus Crash

In light of a body washing up on a beach with her name written on the hand, Veronica is brought down to the Sheriff’s Department. Either Lamb is getting better at his job (LOL unlikely) or V. needs to work on her p-p-p-poker face, because she totally lets on that she recognizes the dead guy. She only ran into him once, but it was at the bus memorial. When Veronica does a little more digging into David “Curly” Moran, she discovers that he had a criminal record and he used to be a stunt coordinator — for movies like Aaron’s! Veronica is convinced that the bus crash was orchestrated to kill her. Because when you’re already responsible for the death of one teenage girl, what’s another? (Er, FYA does not condone murder, y’all.)

Life on Mars

Veronica needs to pad her resumé, so she joins the Future Business Leaders of America, aka a convenient gathering of the white male teen-playing cast, that has a year-long stock market competition. Teacher advisor Mr. Pope also invested a bunch of his money in Casablancas Enterprises — enough for early retirement! Which should have been a dead giveaway that Pope’s savings would later be wiped out when the real estate fraud was exposed. Veronica had tipped Pope off to dump his Casablancas stock beforehand, but Pope chose to be all noble and hung onto them anyway (dammit, conscience!).

Another piece of fallout from the Casablancas scandal is Veronica finding out that Logan has been sleeping with Kendall. Veronica also accuses Logan of behaving like he has a death wish. Hard to argue with that, since he went to a shooting range with the man he cuckolded and still continued with the affair.

Meanwhile, Logan and Duncan finally have a long overdue confrontation. With fisticuffs! (Drink!) Both are feeling hurt by the other: Duncan, because Logan’s dad killed his sister; and Logan, because his bromance partner didn’t have his back during the Felix trial. As much as it sucks to hear Logan say Veronica’s in the rear-view mirror (STOP LYING TO YOURSELF, LOGAN), I like that the show hasn’t forgotten that, a long time ago, they used to be (best) friends, and that their estrangement is not geometry related. Not entirely, anyway.

In Grownup Land, Keith is now officially running for Sheriff. If only he had done so like he was challenging Lamb to a duel. Keith has also officially filed for divorce. (Took you long enough, bro.) He goes on a Chicago getaway with Alicia, where she gets recognized by a man as someone named Cheri. The guy’s actually a cop, who follows Alicia back to Neptune and looks up her addy in the phone book… (But c’mon, Alicia — if you’re trying to hide from someone, why would you list your phone number!? Amateur.)

MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Not Jackie, That’s for Damn Sure

No one had a super stellar episode, but UGH JACKIE per yoohz. She totally crashes the sanctity of the Veronica and Wallace BFF luncheon, by complaining about Pride & Prejudice. (OH NO SHE DIDN’T.) She also blames getting off on the wrong foot with Veronica on being a New Yorker, which is a crock of bull. UGH JACKIE — your shitty attitude is no one’s fault but your own. STFU.

And in a move to further exacerbate the haterade, Veronica, Duncan, Wallace, and Jackie get together to watch the P&P BBC miniseries. Even though Jackie proves that NO ONE CAN RESIST THE POWER OF FIRTH, DONNEVEN TRY, she’s all name-droppy about how cool she is. Worse yet, Veronica and Wallace get into a tiff over the shittiness of Jackie. Also: DUNCAN THINKS JACKIE IS COOL. THIS IS THE MOST DAMNING EVIDENCE OF ALL TIME THAT SHE IS HORRIBLE.

Veronica also spots Jackie on a date with Not-Wallace. Which I actually can’t fault Jackie too much for (at this point, anyway), because we totally don’t know if she and Wallace have DTR’ed yet. So FINE, JACKIE — that’s one tiny point in your favour.

Best Reminder That It’s 2005 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)

Kendall wears an iPod Shuffle like a necklace, and Veronica compares Lamb to a “mildly-constipated David Caruso.”

And the Snark Award Goes To…: Logan

Logan has some choice words when he’s getting under Duncan’s skin. He makes a crude innuendo with “Didn’t plug her right the first time, huh?”, instigating their brawl in the hall. And afterwards, when Duncan suggests that Logan is overplaying his cards and exposing his soft underbelly, Logan retorts, “My underbelly is rock-hard. It can go all night.” (Yeah — just not with the right person ughhhh. Cordelia is obvi hot, but BORED NOW with all her nudiepants.)

Neptune Cameo

  • Cress Williams as Carl/Nathan. It’s not revealed in this episode, but whatevs — WALLACE’S FATHER IS LAVON HAYES.

Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “I Turn My Camera On” by Spoon

A perfect match for our favourite private eye!

MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 2.4 “Green-Eyed Monster”

BLERGH I don’t even want to recap this client, she’s so awful. Rich Julie wants to snoop into her potential fiancé Collin, because she’s sooooo loaded and wants to be loved for her shining personality. But Collin proves Julie’s hunches to be wrong, time and time again. Julie is her own worst enemy and a hypocrite too, when she breaks up with Collin for having the AUDACITY of looking into her background. Which he had done so, because Collin is actually even wealthier than Julie. But the unsolved mystery of the episode remains: WHAT DID COLLIN EVER SEE IN JULIE?

How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 6

Greasers vs. Socs + Jets vs. Sharks:

The plot thickens! Perhaps unnecessarily, based on how much I still have left to recap, but thickens nonetheless! We get our first mention of the Irish Catholic Fighting Fitzpatricks, by way of the late bus crash victim Cervando’s feud with Liam Fitzpatrick.

File Under the Bus Crash

Veronica notices that an earring found at the last place that Curly Moran was seen looks an awful lot like the one Weevil used to wear. Weevil explains that he received an anonymous call, claiming that Curly was behind the bus crash, and that he had been hired by the Fitzpatricks to get back at Cervando. And that phone call came from none other than Logan’s house. Dun dun dunnnnnn…!

Life on Mars

Meg’s condition has improved, and Veronica finally musters up the courage to pay her a visit. But Duncan’s already there, and the presence of the two of them together enrages the house of Manning. Duncan gets all defensive about his visiting Meg every day, which Veronica wasn’t even going to call him out on (omg just break up with him already!).

Anyway, Meg’s now demurely attired sister Lizzie approaches Duncan for help in clearing the personal seeeeecrets off of Meg’s secret laptop. Meg’s emails are just put on a USB stick and left out in the open in Duncan’s care. And COME ON — I love Veronica, but she is nosy as fuck, and who would be foolish enough to leave that kind of thing lying around in her presence? (Oh, wait — DUNCAN OBVS.) But to V’s credit, she shows some restraint for frigging once and doesn’t take the bait.

Back at home, Veronica is having another disagreement with Keith on her working at Mar Investigations: she should be studying, she’s prone to taking on more than she can handle… but Keith relents, because hello this is Episode 4.

As for Wallace, there’s no ambiguity re: his relationship with Jackie anymore — just as long as he’s not GASP a geek or some other kind of unworthy being. While Wallace is cool with Jackie dating someone else before J+W were officially a couple, she’s def. not OK with Wallace having Veronica as a BFF. (Man, what is it with the ladies in Wallace’s life harshing on Veronica!?)

MEANWHILE. Cress Williams has found the Fennels! Alicia claims that he’s just an old bf, but Cress Williams is actually drug dealer Carl Morgan! Who’s actually undercover cop Nathan Woods! Who’s actually Wallace’s fatherrrrr…!

MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Mac

Yeah, her minute-long glorified cameo handily beats everyone else in this episode.

Best Reminder That It’s 2005 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)

Collin is housesitting for Nicolas Cage, then husband of Lisa Marie — and yet-to-be the face that launched a thousand memes.

And the Snark Award Goes To…: Logan

This rewatch feels lonely without a LOGAN GIF!

And honourable mention to Keith, who took a bunch of surveillance photos of Carl/Nathan and then tells the guy to take a hike:

Keith: “The next time I shoot you, it won’t be digitally. Unless I hit you in the finger and then we’ll have a big laugh about it.”

Neptune Cameos

  • Laura Bell Bundy as Julie. This lady can be such a delight. NOT HERE, THOUGH.

Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “So Jealous” by Tegan and Sara

Hot damn, did the songs go way overboard with the theme (the others being “Jealousy” by Stereophonics and “Jealous Love” by Robert Cray). I almost gave the nod to Stereophonics, but Tegan and Sara will win every.single.time.

MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 2.5 “Blast from the Past”

Jackie has her credit card stolen and maxed out, and she asks Veronica to prove that her friend Cora didn’t do it. The only thing that’s suspicious is why anyone would want to be Jackie’s friend in the first place, but Cora is just guilty of being fiscally responsible — she works hard for the money, unlike Madame Sophie the phony psychic that’s been scamming clients like Jackie.

How many Trips to the Dentist did I take? (drink count) 8

Greasers vs. Socs + Jets vs. Sharks

Everyone’s keeping coolly cool, Ponyboy.

File Under the Bus Crash

Madame Sophie also has a TV show, and she’s not above exploiting the friends of bus crash victims for it. One of them has a saved voicemails from crashee Rhonda at the time of the crash, on which an explosion can be heard prior to the bus hitting the railing.

But because Keith Mar Is A Good Person, he refuses to use this to defend himself against Lamb’s attack campaign, on how Keith let bus driver Ed Doyle go off with a warning instead of a DUI once upon a time. Lamb is so adamant on winning the freaking election that he’s doing a shit ass job of investigating. (Although Lamb choosing prestige and power over truth and justice? SHOCKING.) He’s also preoccupied with blackmailing baseball legend (and father of Jackie) Terence Cook over a huge gambling debt that would tarnish the latter’s chance of making it into the Baseball Hall of Fame. UGH LAMB.

Life on Mars

Homecoming is upon Neptune High, and Wallace is on the royal court! Except he couldn’t care less, with the recent revelation that Nathan Woods is his father. Plus, he breaks up with Jackie.

But Homecoming stops for no one! Veronica attends with Donut Dolt Duncan, but she unleashes on a self-medicated loopy Jackie who’s dancing with an equally out-of-it Logan (NO LOGAN NO!). Wallace catches all of this and leaves; Veronica tries to go after him, but UGH DUNCAN tells her to let Wallace go. STFU, DUNCAN. And then Wallace goes missing after the dance. FUCKING DUNCAN.

In other news: Logan and Duncan are reconciling, but Alicia and Keith are on the outs, when the Nathan debacle leads to greater conflict. Wallace isn’t happy with her either, for having kept his bio dad away from him for his entire life. So the newly reacquainted father and son leave Neptune together and NOOOOOOOO WALLACE COME BACK!!!!!!!!

MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Anyone But Jackie

Yeah. I needed another space entirely dedicated to complaining about Jackie. (And ironically, someone finally takes the low road that I’m always clamouring for, and I hate them for it. Maybe this revenge thing ain’t so hot after all… )

In a bonding attempt to get to know her BFF’s girlfriend better, Veronica shares an embarrassing story with Jackie. Which Jackie then gave to the psychic to share on her show when Veronica is posing as a guest. And when Veronica tells Wallace about it, he stands up to her in defense of Jackie — who fully admits to humiliating Veronica because she tattled about Jackie’s date with that other guy. SERIOUSLY? And how old are you, Jackie? Tattling? Maybe he felt differently on the inside, but Wallace sure seemed like he was cool with the sitch.

Then at Homecoming, Jackie accuses Veronica of stringing along all the boys — Wallace included. Which leads to some ambiguous looks between the besties and NUH-UH, DON’T GO THERE. They’re like brother and sister — and not the Duncan kind of brother and sister, either. Anyway, this plotline would have fit in well with the last episode, because Jackie’s jealousy is outta control.

Best Reminder That It’s 2005 (That Hasn’t Been Replaced by Something a Smartphone Can Do)

Madame Sophie has a cable-access show. There are Youtube channels for that now.

And the Snark Award Goes To…: Keith

Not snark, but I love Keith’s reaction to Veronica in her Homecoming dress. The words really don’t do the moment justice: “You look beautiful.” SUCH great father-daughter chemistry, these two!

Neptune Cameos

  • Dana Davis as Cora. It’s Chastity from TV 10 Things! She also played a not-shitty character on Heroes, so of course she didn’t last long there.

  • Christine Estabrook as Madame Sophie. She’s been in a lot of things, but I recognize her the most as a nosy neighbour from Desperate Housewives.

Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “Whatever It Takes” by The Faders

Wallace crooooons! But for a full song, I like the second Homecoming song.

That’s it for this week, Marshmallows! Come back next week for “Rat Saw God”, “Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner”, and “Ahoy, Mateys!”.

So does anyone want to defend Jackie against my vitriol? As commenter AnimeJune pointed out, her arc is remarkably similar to Logan’s; while he gets to be forgiven for his many transgressions, Jackie is shown no leniency for doing wayyyy less. My gut reaction was that Logan Echolls is the quintessential charismatic redeemable asshole, so there’s no fair comparison. And Logan never showed jealousy towards Veronica’s platonic, opposite sex friendships (’cause he has, like, REAL angst!), which just makes Jackie seem petty and insecure. AnimeJune also proposes an unsettling hypothesis: are we viewers just holding female characters to a higher standard than we do for male ones?

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Mandy (she/her) lives in Edmonton, AB. When she’s not raiding the library for YA books, she enjoys eating ice cream (esp. in cold weather), learning fancy pole dance tricks, and stanning BTS. Mandy has been writing for FYA since 2012, and she oversaw all things FYA Book Club from 2013 to 2023.