THREE WEEKS! Three weeks, it’s been since Alaric got shot The Vampire Diaries has been on. And what is this tonight about 1912?!!! That was a hundred years ago! I already know what happened a hundred years ago! Spoiler: The Titanic sunk, that’s what! But what I need to know is what happened three weeks ago! As in what happened right after Mrs. Stefan shot the President of the Handsome Club! Well, we can all only hope that the shows producers won’t torture us by not answering that question this week. One thing we do know: there will be boxing.
Need to refresh your memory after three weeks of withdrawal? Okay!
• Mama Mikaelson wants to kill all of her children, but that just won’t do, because two of those children happen to be YHH and Klaus.
• Damon and Stephan continue their proverbial tug of war over Elena — not taking her free will into account, of course — taking in turns which one of them can be more self-sacrificing, and which one can fight for her harder. When Damon’s not banging Rebekah.
• Jeremy is STILL gone.
• ALARIC GOT SHOT!!!!!
A bell is ringing. That it’s 1912. Hmmm, is this Mystic Falls? There’s a Mr. Salvatore walking home alone, and there’s someone stalking him at vampire speed! Drink! And then they knife him, right on the street! (Oh Shit +1) Fade to the present and it is in Mystic Falls! Mommy Sheriff and the dead mayor’s wife are discussing who’s behind the killings.
AND ALARIC WAKES UP! DRINK! Hallelujah, sweet baby jesus, thank you TVD for not making us wait! But he’s in an old-timey cell! Oh noes! (Oh Shit +2)
Mommy Sheriff is holding him in prison, because Mrs. Stefan says he came at her with a knife! She’s lying, Mommy Sheriff! Damon is trying to get his president out, but Mommy Sheriff threatens to put him in the cell too.
George: And have my way with both of you.
Elena is jogging — away from her problems, according to Matt — who joins her to tell her that Bonnie’s dead beat mom is going to embrace the way of the vampire. Elena is sad and wants to help Bonnie, but then gets a call and is distracted from anyone else’s problems but her own. She joins Damon at the courthouse. He suggests some creative ways of dealing with Mrs. Stefan and is awesome drink!
Stefan is taking out some nervous energy on a table when Damon joins him, and is awesome Drink! It turns out Mystic Falls had a serial killer once before… in 1912! They consult the vampire diaries (wah-wah) and flashback! drink! At the funeral of the murdered Mr. Salvatore, Stefan meets a Gilbert and a Lockwood, and he and Damon are reunited! Damon is mad at Stefan for turning him, even though it’s been 50 years at this point, but Stefan wants to hang out. In the present, Damon now wants to hang out. And solve a murder! Woohoo!
Rebekah is meeting with the dead mayor’s wife, and is asking about a particular tree that used to grow in Mystic Falls. Could she mean the old white oak tree? Damon and Stefan arrive for a drink, and Damon is awesome drink! suggesting Stefan try some moderation with his blood drinking.
Mommy Sheriff is questioning Alaric — it seems Mrs. Stefan has been planning this accusation most foul for some time! Alaric defends himself in presidential fashion, but this one night he was drinking… and he can’t quite remember what happened! (OH SHIT +3) Come on, Mommy Sheriff, just look at that pitiful face and let him out! Unless he’s safer in there. In that case, you can keep him for a while.
George: There’s only one way out of that situation. And that’s having sex with the sheriff.
Rebekah is questioning the Salvatores about the history of the dead Salvatore from 1912, and also trees, and Damon is awesome drink! when he tells her she doesn’t have to hint around for more sex, she can just ask for it. They discuss the serial killer of 1912, and whether it could have been a vampire, but the only vampire around at that time was… Sage.
Flashback Drink! The Salvatore brothers are attending some sort of carnival, and there is a red-headed woman kicking ass in a boxing ring.
She and Damon spar verbally for a moment before she stuffs some money into his pants. (Oh shit +4) This girl’s all about reversing the gender roles. And in 1912. Impressive. In the present, Rebekah calls her a skank. How progressive.
Elena confronts Mrs. Stefan about Alaric, and bitch comes back with all kinds of old history about Alaric’s early wild days. (Oh shit +5) I kind of want to kick her in the teeth for talking about him like that. Listen, lady, first off, we all know you’re lying. Second, the only way Alaric could be behind any of this is if he’s somehow being controlled by something evil, like his ring, so then it wouldn’t even be his fault. So shut your piehole! Then she questions Elena’s judgment in people on account of the fact that she dates vampires. I think we need to bring in that Sage chick to kick Mrs. Stefan’s bony ass across the town line.
Rebekah is still digging for information on trees, but the Salvatores tell her that boys rule and girls drool.
Elena and Matt break into Mrs Stefan’s apartment to find evidence that she has probably gotten rid of, but Elena goes into the closet… closet… closet. They find files on the founding members who were killed, AND on Alaric! (Oh shit +6)
Rebekah is STILL trying to hoard in the Salvatore’s boys night out. Bitch can’t take a hint. Or direction. Damon is still teasing Stefan about going straight edge, and reads from his 1912 vampire diary.
Flashback Drink! Damon is drinking from a girl out in the woods, and Sage is watching in the background. She tells him he’s doing it all wrong, because a woman isn’t just for food, she’s for pleasure.
George: Truer words were never spoke.
But Damon’s heart belongs to another! He’s not interested in women for pleasure! Huh. Sage wants to teach him how to relish life. And the ladies. She shows him the buttoned up girls, and tells him that they all secretly want to be seduced! So he approaches the one who I think is a Gilbert, and oh man, I hope vampires can’t have babies, because it would be really terrible if Damon were Elena’s ancestor.
Elena and Matt are still going through Mrs. Stefan’s file box, and find a letter from the county coroner’s office that says that Mrs. Stefan had the wrong time of death for that one dude who was staked, as well as a Gilbert family journal, when Mrs. Stefan comes back home! (Oh Shit! +7) They hide in the closet, trapped as it were, and seem to have a moment…
George: Seven minutes in heaven?
But then she leaves, so they open the door, and she’s standing right there! (OH SHIT! +8) Cut to — Mommy Sheriff is yelling at Elena and Matt for breaking into Mrs. Stefan’s apartment, because Mrs. Stefan gave her a copy of that letter from the county coroner’s office already, apologizing for accusing Alaric! I am SO confused.
Damon and Rebekah are following Stefan down the street, discussing his straight edge issue, and decide to tempt him with a juice box. If Stefan doesn’t have a drink, Rebekah will kill her! Stephan is so conflicted! But he drinks! (Oh shit +9)
George: Tasty… person… gravy.
Damon stops Stefan from killing the girl, and gives her some of his blood to revive her, just as Elena and Matt show up. Elena is very upset, and Matt takes her away. (Oh shit +10) Then Stefan has a fantastic blood drool. But he’s mad at Damon now. Salvatore brothers, it’s time you two stop being mad at each other. Or take your shirts off and wrastle it out.
Matt doesn’t get Elena’s THING with the Salvatore brothers. She tries to explain that it was that Stefan would never stop loving her, and then she realizes that it’s because he would never die. (Oh Shit +11) But Damon? Damon just got under her skin. Matt says that once you fall in love with someone, maybe you can’t actually… and you realize that he still loves her. (Oh shit +12) And then he gives her the Gilbert journal! He stole it from Mrs. Stefan! Alaric comes home, and they hug and we all breathe a happy sigh.
Stefan is brooding by the fireplace when Damon comes home and tells him he showed some real self-control. And is awesome. Drink! Stefan is still mad, though. And flashback Drink! Damon is STILL trying to get Stefan to drink in moderation (or would that be still, since it was in the past?) and zeroes in on the Lockwood girl. Oh man. Her bosom is heaving as she watches the fight, and later Stefan DOES drink from her… until the ripper takes over, and he tears her head off! Whoops! (Oh Shit +13) And we need a Drink! because this scene is gut-wrenching and hysterical at the same time.
Damon didn’t stop him, but things they are-a changin’. Damon is going to be there for Stefan, no matter what now, because they’re all each other’s got! Awww. You can still take your shirts off and wrastle, if you want to.
Elena is reading the Gilbert journal, and Alaric is wearing a very flattering t-shirt. Alaric tells her he appreciates what she did for him today, but he doesn’t want her getting in trouble for him. So they decide to take care of each other. Now that’s family. It turns out the Gilbert journal was written by the Gilbert girl from the flashbacks, and she apparently went crazy, just like the old man Gilbert! (Oh shit +14)
Damon is PLAYING. THE. PIANO. And uteruses are exploding all over the world. But Stefan has been doing some research, and has found out that years after 1912, the Gilbert girl was locked away for all of the murders! Which is confusing for Damon, because he’s pretty sure he killed her. (Oh shit +15)
Alaric opens the door to find Mrs. Stefan standing there, and CLOSE THE DOOR! CLOSE THE DOOR! (Oh shit +16)
George: Oh man, why can’t Alaric catch a handsome man break?
She tells him it was all a part of her plan to ultimately CLEAR him, and wants to come in to explain.
George: No, Mrs. Stefan, aka Dr. Crazy. You can explain out on the porch, thank you very much.
Elena is reading the journal, and the Gilbert girl is talking about losing time and her mind… and Stefan and Damon are wondering if the Gilbert girl could still be alive somehow, or if it’s something else. They think of the invincibility rings — one of which Jeremy has, and the other… (Oh shit +17)
Mrs. Stefan is asking Alaric if he’s lost time, if the ring COULD be controlling him, just as Elena comes downstairs. She thinks Mrs. Stefan is right! And then we see the opening kill scene again, but on the hand is the ring of invincibility! And the hand is attached to the Gilbert girl! (Oh shit +18)
Whoah, whoah, whoah. Okay. We need a deep breath and a holeee shit. While I have been wondering if it was the ring of invincibility, NOW I can’t help but wonder… but what if it’s Jeremy? He’s been “gone” all this time? What if Alaric’s a red herring, hmmm?
The ohshitometer soared to 18 this episode, and I’m STILL not sure we can trust Mrs. Stefan. Where were YHH and Klaus? Having a brothers night out themselves? Now I’ll turn it over to you guys. Thoughts? Predictions? Exclamations?
