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Shhh! The Vampire Diaries is on!
Well, after last week’s revelation about the ring of power, we’ve got two options:
1. Alaric is being controlled by his ring and it’s turning him evil and making him kill members of the founding families.
2. Jeremy is being controlled by his ring and, well, you get the idea.
I’m voting for option 2, because I miss Jeremy and I don’t want to lose the President of the Handsome Club! Also, from the previews, it looks like Alaric, at one point, does try to break on through to the other side of Elena’s door, and I think it would be really funny if he did that and then it turned out to be Jeremy, and Alaric was all like, “I’m just messin’ with you…”
So George cut his fingers on some glass tonight, and while he’s fine, much like Greta from The Sound of Music, he just can’t sing, so we’ll be missing his commentary.
Mrs. Stefan is giving Alaric a CAT scan. Huh. Insert joke here. Aw, Mrs. Stefan likes Alaric. And she wants to help him! Help him, Mrs. Stefan! Help him! And now we get lots and lots of closeups of Alaric’s handsome face! And I think he’s getting possessed! oh no! (Oh shit +1) Or maybe he’s just nervous about being in enclosed spaces. Afterwards, Alaric passes off his ring to Elena. I might not be able to carry the ring, Mr. Alaric, but I can carry you!
Elena is mad at Damon for getting Stefan to drink from that juice box in the last episode, but he’s just trying to teach Stefan some self control! Elena thinks maybe Damon isn’t the right person to do this and he is awesome Drink! with his reference to the rainbows and unicorns of Stefan and Elena’s early days of love.
Caroline shows up at Bonnie’s with some blood cupcakes, and hey! Careful with all the O- there! O- is really rare and always in dangerously short supply! Or so the Red Cross tells me every time they schedule me for a donation. Bonnie whipped her mom up a daywalking ring, but her mom is just sad because she can’t feel her garden anymore. And I have to say, it IS looking kind of dead. The garden, that is. I guess Bonnie’s mom, too.
Everybody’s at some Mystic Falls building project, and Alaric does NOT want to be there. He is awesome. Drink! Oh, they’re finally fixing the bridge! And Alaric forgot to bring the sign that was being restored by the historical department. Oops. Then Damon sees that boxer chick Sage! I like her! Damon likes her, too, and is very happy to see her, while Rebekah is not. Rebekah and Sage spar verbally over Rebekah’s brother Finn (is he the boy band one or the ex-pirate one?) and while what Rebekah says is kind of awesome, her delivery has a whiny, desperate edge to it, so she gets no drinks.
Elena bumps into Stefan at the Salvatore’s and they awkwardly try to act as if they don’t still lurve each other. Elena’s there to get the book Stefan found about her family, but he just tells her what was in the book — that the Gilbert girl who originally went all Jack the Ripper on Mystic Falls offed herself with a knitting needle. Ouch! (Oh shit +2)
Damon, much like us, can’t believe that Sage would fall for one of the Mikaelson boys that wasn’t Klaus or YHH. Sage offers to help Damon find out what Rebekah is really up to. Psst! It involves a tree!
Speak of the devil, Rebekah and Damon are back at the Mystic Falls Bridge reconstruction, flirting about him being mean, and methinks she is doth protesting. He invites her back to his house to have a drink with him and Sage, and delivers the line, “You know what they say… two’s company, three’s a party.” Drink! I have a feeling Rebekah will be showing up at the Salvatore’s later.
Caroline tries to talk to the one brown-skinned person on the show who isn’t a witch — Bonnie’s mom’s adopted son! I think his name is Jamie? I don’t know, it’s been a while. He’s SO not okay with the vampire thing! And he doesn’t even want to hang out with Caroline! Whoah, dude! Take a chill! Vampire barbie is the coolest and the bestest!
Alaric is looking through his life in a series of police reports, and he had a reason for everybody he ever punched, you guys! And that reason is that is awesome! Drink! Even when he punched that one guy just for being a douche! Drink! I wish Alaric was real. And my friend. He tells Mrs. Stefan that he was the one who staked her cousin, Logan Fell, who, I might add, was also a douche before he became a vampire. She is surprisingly unfazed. So is she actually good, or what? I’ve spent so much of this season thinking she’s evil, but now I’m suddenly having warm fuzzies toward her, and I don’t know. Maybe it’s just that Alaric, just by being in close proximity to anyone, makes them cooler and awesomer. It’s like osmosis.
Stefan is on a blood cupcake frenzy, which reminds me of this time George and I ate six pieces of tres leches cake one night because after each piece we kept getting sugar highs and then crashing and getting headaches and would barely be able to get up off the couch, but then would crave more. He’s going to have a tummy ache, is what I’m sayin’. Stefan tells Damon to leave him out of it the next time he talks to Elena, and Damon is awesome Drink! telling Stefan to make himself scarce unless he wants to be a part of a Sage/Rebekah sex sandwich. It’s like a reverse Salvatore sandwich! Drink!
Jamie decides to visit with Bonnie and her mom, and she’s so glad to see him that she eats him a little bit! Oops! (Oh sit +3)
Sage and Damon are waiting for Rebekah to get desperate enough to stop by, and make meaningful eye contact while sparring verbally and are both awesome! DRINK x 4! Rebekah shows up and is awesome with her dumb/bitch comment about the wine — Klaus stole it from a queen. Not sure which one. Drink! Then they all dance to The Kills! Yes! I love Alison Mosshart! She’d be sexy enough to hang out with Damon.
Damon does, however, wave his hands in the air while he’s dancing, and on any other guy that’d be a definite no, but Damon gets away with a warning. He seduces Rebekah over the wrists of the piano player, and it works! Her neediness made her give in!
Bonnie tries to get her mom to drink from one of the blood cupcakes instead of her adopted son, but Bonnie’s mom is super upset! But hey, Vampire Barbie is there, and suddenly everything is okay. Hey, it’s tough to be a new vampire.
Alaric gives Elena a list of all of his bank accounts and access to his will, just in case, (Oh Shit +4) but Elena tells him they’re all going to be okay. Just then, Caroline calls her, and Bonnie is willing to help! She’s on her way, but she needs a personal effect from before he wore the ring of power. He suggests his wedding ring, which is back at his loft of presidenthood. Elena goes to get it, because Mrs. Stefan has Alaric on tranquilizers.
And we have a shirtless Salvatore! Drink! Damon is lying in post-coital blah, waiting for Sage to come in and read Rebekah’s mind. Apparently Rebekah’s mind is funny, because Sage smirks… and goes to take a shower. And Damon JOINS her! And they kiss! So she can show him Rebekah’s mind! Which is full of stuff about the tree! Scene change, and now Damon is in a towel, which, I think, counts as another shirtless Salvatore moment! Drink! He’s searching through his library because the Salvatores have long been lumber barons. He finds the ledger for 1912, and sees something about Wickery Bridge. Interesting. Was the white oak used to build the bridge?
Stefan meets Elena at Alaric’s loft, and I’m just wondering why she’s dressed in business casual? Isn’t she still in high school? I mean drinking, I can understand, but wearing a suit? Stefan tells her that he researched the Gilbert girl more, and it turns out, she killed two staff members at the institution. And she wasn’t wearing the ring. So great is its power! Uh-oh. (Oh Shit +5)
Back at the Gilbert’s, Alaric is napping on the sofa when Mrs. Stefan calls out to him. He gets up and goes to her bag and empties out the tranquilizers! (Oh Shit +6)
And we have a shirtless Salvatore again! Drink! Damon is just building a fire in a towel. No big deal. I can’t help but notice it’s tied dangerously low, and yet stays on and doesn’t even come apart to expose his bits and pieces when he’s squatting down. I’d like to learn how to tie a towel that well. He’s burning the 1912 ledger and tells Sage that the underside of the Wickery Bridge is made entirely of the white oak tree! Sage is not too happy about that because of her love for Finn, but makes a deal that will keep Finn safe while letting Damon do what he wants.
Stefan and Elena are still searching Alaric’s loft for his wedding ring, but instead they find a trophy drawer! Yikes! It doesn’t contain presidential memorabilia, though, it’s pictures of all of his victims! And there’s a note to Jeremy to finish what was started, by “cleansing” the council! Zoiks! (Oh Shit +7)
Mrs. Stefan is making coffee, and Alaric asks her if she ever feels remorse, and lunges at her with a kitchen knife! ( Oh Shit +8) And chase her up the stairs! (Oh Shit +9) She stabs his hand with some scissors and locks herself in the bathroom, but she’s hurt too! (Oh Shit +10)
Sage has disappeared, so Damon races to the Wickery Bridge, but Rebekah and Sage have set the bridge on fire! (oh shit +11) Oh man, the dead mayor’s wife is gonna be so disappointed. They argue a bunch, and now I remember that Finn was the brother who wanted to die. Huh. Now Sage and Damon are mad at each other.
Elena and Stefan rush back to the Gilbert home, and Alaric comes down the stairs acting all crazy amazing and terrible, and I’m so… Alaric!!! He makes excuses about everything, but can’t explain away the kitchen knife on the floor, but just as he goes for Elena, Stefan grabs him and suffocates him just enough to pass out. (Oh Shit +12) Go to sleep, Mr. President, shh. Then Stefan asks Elena for help helping Mrs. Stefan, because she’s all hurt. Oh man. Surreal. Husband and wife onscreen together. Anyway, Stefan gives Mrs. Stefan his blood so she’ll heal, before running downstairs so he won’t eat her.
It’s morning, and Alaric wakes up to find Damon sitting up with him. Bonnie did the spell! I hope it worked! Damon is awesome, telling Alaric he’s under house arrest-lite. Drink! Poor Alaric doesn’t even remember what he did last night. Elena joins Bonnie in the kitchen, and Bonnie gives her some herbs for Alaric. Elena tries to apologize for being at the center of all the shit, but Bonnie just hugs her. Everything is going to be okay.
Caroline and Jamie bond while working in the garden, but then Caroline finds Bonnie’s mom with her bags packed, and gives her a talking to! Drink! Bonnie’s mom is giving the whole “she’s better off without me” crap, and Caroline tells her what for, but turns out Bonnie’s mom is a big stupid head and a douche and I hate her. Coward. (Oh Shit +13)
Elena calls someone… and it’s Jeremy! Hi Jeremy! I miss you lots! You got a dog! I have a dog! Jeremy sounds like he’s having a great time up in Colorado church camp, so Elena is happy for him, because that’s what she wanted. I, however, have my doubts about what’s going on out there.
Damon happens upon Stefan, who is celebrating control by getting day drunk! I love the way the men on this show think. When asked why he’s so happy, Damon unveils… the Wickery Bridge sign! Which, of course, is made out of the white oak. Wah-wah! The Salvatores be Original killin’! (Oh Shit +14)
Which I don’t want! Come on! Can’t the originals get separated again so you can kill some of them without killing all of them? Okay, so the ohshitometer went up to 14, but they were all pretty major ohshits. I really hope Alaric is okay, and I really hope Jeremy comes back. What do you think? Can you believe how much shirtless Salvatore we were exposed to tonight? It’s a good thing we don’t have a rule to chug for the entirety of shirtlessness, or none of us would have made it through this episode!
