Okay. We can do this. It is with some trepidation that I tune in to tonight’s Vampire Diaries, on account of… ALARIC!!!!!!!! Or, as he shall now be known, Evilaric. (Thanks to commenter Kristen D!) What is going to happen with him? Is he going to kill everybody? Is everybody going to kill him? HOW would they even do it? Will we ever get some hot Original on Original action? I mean, YHH hasn’t been around for a while, and Alaric WAS his president. Maybe Momma Original’s plan backfired and instead of amplifying Alaric’s hate of the vampires, she amplified the chemistry he already shares with EVERYONE, and this episode will just be one big macking session! Wouldn’t that be great?!!!
Now, there’s a little matter of what we do with the Presidency of the Handsome Club. Was that hug between Alaric and Jeremy, (as commenter jtindz suggested) a passing of the baton? Is Jeremy ready to take on the responsibilities involved in leading this club we call Handsome? Or should Damon step in as Interim President until Jeremy is of age? OR, do we just shrug and say gosh dang it, once our president, always our president, and leave the title with Evilaric? The questions facing us these days…
A scan through Alaric’s classroom shows just what a classy guy he is, and I can’t help but think he’s thinking presidential thoughts — though they may be of the evil variety — as he sits in his darkened classroom, fondling the One Stake. Caroline arrives to clean up after the decade dance, (Oh Shit! +1) on the phone with Tyler, who’s ditching, on account of the fact that Klaus called for help with moving chores. I’ve always said only real friends will help you move, but maybe I need to extend that to real people to whom you have a sire bond with…
Rebekah is PO’d because she’s cleaning up the dance SHE organized, and she didn’t even get to go. I feel you honey, I was home schooled, so I didn’t get the high school dance experience either, but at some point, you’ve got to let that shit go. Caroline tries to connect with her, and they seem to have a moment before Rebekah runs into Evilaric! (Oh Shit! +2) He makes to stake her with the One Stake, but Caroline rushes to the rescue, and they stake him a little bit! But he just pulls the stake out and goes after them! In a moment where I’m never more grateful for the keyless entry of my car, Caroline fumbles with her keys, and Evilaric is RIGHT BEHIND HER! (Oh Shit! +3) And snaps her neck! (Oh Shit! +4) But he’s burning in the sunlight! I thought Originals weren’t burned by sunlight. Hmmm… Anyway, Evilaric is SO BADASS that he DOESN’T EVEN CARE that he is melting, and just drags Caroline back into the school, casual as you please, while Rebekah looks on in immobile horror. (Oh Shit +5)
In their own version of a post-breakup haircut, Elena and Jeremy are painting Alaric’s old room a delightful green that I think he would approve of. Stefan stops by to check on them, and Jeremy asks if they’re back together, or something.
George: Good question, Jeremy. That’s some “getting to the heart of things,” presidential-style.
THEN Jeremy lays another RIGHT ON statement, by asking Stefan to give them just ONE DAY without vampires to grieve Alaric. The doorbell rings, and it’s Damon and Bonnie! (Oh Shit! +6)
Rebekah tells Klaus about Evilaric, and wants to get the hell out of Mystic Falls, but Klaus won’t leave without his doppelgänger. *Drink!* Rebekah pleads with him to choose her over his hybrids *Drink!* but he won’t.
George: Have you forgotten? We’re BSF’s! Best Siblings Foreva.
Bonnie explains to Stefan and Damon — amid arguing how the whole thing wasn’t her fault, which I agree, it wasn’t, but you might want to offer the same understanding to others, from time to time — that a witch can’t truly make an immortal creature. There’s always a workaround. (Oh Shit! +7) Only problem is, she doesn’t know it. Elena gets a call from Alaric, telling her to come to the school or he’ll kill Caroline. (Oh Shit! +8) Klaus stops by the Gilbert home and is awesome in his attempt to pick up some “road trip necessitates,” *Drink!* but is shut out. Of course, being Klaus, he doesn’t take “no” for an answer. However, the #1 thing on his list has just left to go to the school to save Caroline.
At the school, Caroline is in the worst detention since Delores Umbridge was forcibly removed from Hogwarts, and Alaric is awesome *Drink!* in his response to Elena’s reminder that he promised he’d let Caroline go. “How many times have I told you to STOP TRUSTING VAMPIRES!” (Oh Shit! +9)
Klaus decides to destroy the Gilbert home piece by piece, by playing darts with a picket fence. Damon rises to the challenge and they start a pretty awesome volley. *Drink!* (Oh Shit! +10) Then Klaus decides fire will do the trick, but Stefan stops him with the news that Alaric wants to trade him for Elena and Caroline. Of course, the one thing Klaus values more than making a family is his own self, so that’s not going to happen. Although Damon is awesome *Drink!* with his commentary about being fine with both the chance that they’d all die, and that Tyler definitely would die if Klaus was killed. A fun planning session ensues, in which Klaus and Damon are both awesome *Drink!* in their verbal sparring.
Alaric is holding a “how to kill a vampire” class by torturing Caroline (poor Caroline!) in preparation for making Elena kill her. (Oh Shit! +11) Well, I guess he’s still trying to fulfill both of his roles as guardian and teacher?
George: Poor Caroline! This is worse than what her dad did! She’s probably all like, “Elena’s the one who needs a dad! I had enough dad, thank you!”
Damon and Bonnie are waiting for Bonnie’s mom to show up with the binding spell she used on Mikael Originalson, (aka Sebastian Roche, Vampire, Vampire Hunter, now deceased) and Damon is awesome with his line about Abby not being the most stellar mom in the dependability department. *Drink!* Just then, Abby shows up! Stefan and Klaus arrive at the school, and Stefan gives Klaus a verbal smackdown for trying to come between him and his brother! Yeah! You tell him, Stefan! Salvatore brothers unite! Abby asks the question so many people have asked, why could she enter the Salvatore home without an invitation, and not to say “I told you so”, but I SO totally told you so! When Elena died for a minute, that made her ownership null. Abby’s not ready to forgive Damon for turning her into a vampire, but doesn’t think Bonnie can handle the spell to desiccate Evilaric. And can I just say I don’t like the words “desiccate” and “Alaric” in each other’s vicinity? Bonnie, in one of the moments where her anger is SO totally justified and awesome *Drink!* reminds her mother that she (Abby) abandoned Bonnie for 16 years, so bitch doesn’t KNOW what Bonnie can handle. (Oh Shit! +12) Handle that! Then Abby tells her that to stop a vampire’s heart, (Which still beats. To circulate the blood. Did not know that, but it makes sense, at least on a biological level) she has to also stop a human’s heart. (Oh Shit! +13)
And it’s Jeremy’s heart she’s going to stop! (Oh Shit! +14) Damon doesn’t want him wearing his One Ring, since it might make him evil, but Jeremy keeps it on. Oh, and there’s some crazy product placement where Bonnie doesn’t need a locator spell anymore, ’cause there’s an app for that.
Evilaric is lecturing Elena about the company she keeps, and delivers a low blow by suggesting that her parents wouldn’t be proud of her. And is awesome while doing it. *Drink!* But Elena learned a lot from his earlier training, and smashes vervain onto his face, (Oh Shit! +15) and frees Caroline! Caroline tries to run away, but she’s grabbed from behind! But it’s Klaus! And he whispers that she’s safe now.
George: (whispering) and I’ll draw you a pictchah!
But Klaus tells her to go home! Because he really, really does care about her!
Meanwhile, Evilaric is continuing to play bad teacher with Elena, threatening to kill her, but Elena just tells him to go ahead an kill her, because there’s obviously no humanity left in him, and he PAUSES! Just in time for Stefan and Damon to attack him! But he makes short work of them! (Oh Shit! +16) But then Klaus attacks! And makes contact with Evilaric’s heart, but just as Bonnie prepares to stop Jeremy’s, Evilaric throws Klaus off of himself! And then he poises the One Stake over Klaus’ heart, but Elena comes in with a big brain, telling him that she realizes that Momma Original tied his life to hers, so if she kills herself, he dies, too! (Oh Shit +17) He tries to call her bluff, but Elena, ballsy as ever, actually starts to slit her own throat! (Oh Shit! +18) So he stops and Klaus grabs Elena and gets away!
Elena wakes up, and Klaus is draining ALL of her blood into portable bags for his family making plans! (Oh shit! +19) Tyler comes in and she asks him to help, but Klaus tells him “no,” thinking that Tyler is still under the sire bond, so Tyler plays along, but we just KNOW Tyler’s really going to get Stefan. Who is kind of dead at the school. Soo… (Oh Shit! +20)
Damon and Stefan awaken to Evilaric telling them about Klaus’ double-crossing blood letting. He sends them off to save Elena. (Oh Shit! +21)
Klaus tells Elena that he’s taking her blood as a precaution, but is not really interested in making any more hybrids *Drink!* because his mother unintentionally strengthened the bond between him and his siblings, so he has his real family now. Elena doesn’t quite believe him, but he turns the tables on her, telling her that the real reason she hasn’t picked a Salvatore is because she knows that whichever one she picks, she’ll destroy their bond when she does it. Ah, see, he’s doing you a favor? And then he’s AWESOME *Drink!* with his “just between us girls, who would you have picked?” Elena doesn’t answer him, though, so he walks away without knowing. Elena is struggling against her bonds as her blood is draining away, but Tyler comes in and unties her! But then Klaus comes in! (Oh Shit! +22) And Tyler tells him he broke the sire bond through the power of real love! And they start to fight! And Elena gets knocked over and her head hits the edge of the table! (Oh Shit! +23) But then Stefan and Damon arrive, and Stefan reaches into Klaus’ chest and grabs his heart! And you hear a heartbeat beating really loudly! (Oh Shit! +24)
And meanwhile, Bonnie is stopping Jeremy’s heart! And Klaus starts going into stasis! And you guys, I know he’s truly really evil, but the look he’s giving them just about breaks my heart! (Oh Shit +25) Bonnie tries to perform another spell to restart Jeremy’s heart, but it doesn’t seem to be working! (Oh Shit! +26) But then he wakes up! And they touch foreheads! The precursor to a kiss in all YA fiction.
Klaus tumbles to the floor, and Stefan looks kind of sad. I am sad, too. I will miss Klaus. But at least he’s not dead dead.
The Salvatores walk Elena to her door, and she tells them both together how she can’t bear the thought of losing either of them, and that’s why she can’t choose. They are heading out to dump Klaus’ body in the Atlantic so he won’t wake up anytime soon. I’d rather they just dumped him the Mystic Falls to keep him close, because you never know…
At the Gilbert’s, all of Elena’s friends are over to celebrate their non-victory victory. And they have shots, shots, shotsshotsshots! But then Tyler hears something! (Oh Shit! +27) Aw, it’s the sound of the absence of Klaus. Which is tantamount to sadness, for some of us. Just saying’.
Mommy Sheriff arrives at the dead mayor’s wife’s house, and Evilaric has called an emergency council meeting, in which he exposes the fact that they’ve been hiding vampires from the rest of the council! (Oh Shit! +28) See, even evil, he’s using his presidential prowess.
The Salvatores are telling jokes and revelling in Klaus’ demise. Damon, as usual, is awesome *Drink!* in his glibness. But then they discuss the possibility of Elena choosing one of them, promising to leave town for each other if that happens. Then they talk about how special Elena is. Aw.
Elena and Jeremy are back to painting Alaric’s old bedroom, and Elena asks if she’s the bad guy for wanting to keep the vampires alive, but Jeremy tells her from his point of view, he just can’t lose HER, so he’s on her side. He goes to bed, and Elena starts painting again, but then she gets a migraine and passes out with a nose-bleed! (Oh Shit! +29)
Wow. I JUST got the ohshitometer working again after last week broke it, and had to go and push it up to 29!!!! What are you doing to the ohshitometer, Vampire Diaries?!!! Okay, I’m spent. Your turn.
