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Greetings gentle viewers. Shall we goss?
Katherine Pierce journaling about life as Elena is pretty damn hilarious. She really is doing her best to stay in character, complete with a Can-Do attitude and flanked by her two besties. Caroline is trying to convince herself that she can totally move on from Tyler and Klaus and is rallying the troops, whether they like it or not. I’m not sure how long she’s going to be able to tolerate Caroline’s need to run everyone’s life and she barely agrees to going to the Bitter Ball with her and (neither single nor bitter) Bonnie. (Also, LOVING Bonnie’s hair this ep.)
Damon isn’t even bothering to hide that he’s gone off the wagon and Stefan easily deduces this from the bloody car, body in trunk and trashed house. He’s not too happy to see Enzo there and actually utters the phrase “Murder Buddies” which had me in total squeals. Enzo and Damon are going to wrap up their Augustine/Whitmore Vengeance Extravaganza by tracking down Professor SnugJumper and put him in the ground. Stefan pleads with him not to choose this path (shut up, Stefan, you’re ruining the plot) and Damon’s all like, Whatevs bro, I gots to be me. End scene.
Katherine is using Nadia to compel Matt into giving her tidbits about Elena and Nadia is kind of done. She doesn’t play it cool at all and whines about the time that Katherine DOESN’T spend with her. Hi Nadia – you’ve met your mom, right? Lower your expectations.
The Nefarious Professor SnugJumper is NOT wearing a jumper! Instead I think he’s wearing a plaid shirt and blazer..? I guess it’s his weekend gear. He’s found some poor sod named Joey to turn into a vampire who will eventually crave the blood of other vampires. Dude, find a new project already. A Mystery Woman (Sloane?) slithers into the abandoned hospital where he’s holing up and tells him she’ll fund his research if she can help him analyze a blood sample. She also has Aaron’s bag and Wes realizes that he’s dead.
Enzo is dying for a road trip (Murder Buddies: Rio de Janeiro edition!) but Damon still has unfinished business. They’ve kidnapped the poor Head of Campus Security and compelled her to admit that she forged the suicide note for Elena’s roommate. I’m not really sure WHY they felt the need to kill her other than her being on Team Augustine. I guess they wanted to up the body count for this episode.
Stefan finds Enzo digging shallow graves in the forest and tells him he needs to get the hell out of Dodge. See, Stefan had a perfect opportunity to put this rabid dog DOWN and doesn’t. I don’t get that at ALL. He wants him to leave Damon and leave Mystic Falls. Yeah. Ok Stefan. You really should have just killed him.
Katherine is cooing to Caroline about how they should totes invite Stefan to the Bitter Ball and Caroline (persistent hound dog that she is) KNOWS something is up. When she sees the two of them dancing together and Katherine/Elena being all handsy her fears are confirmed. Of course she just assumes it’s Elena trying to get over Damon by conveniently falling back on Stefan, which is something Elena would NEVER do. PAY ATTENTION BEST FRIEND. Also – WHY are you shredding the horse sketch that Klaus drew for you?? I wailed during this scene. WAILED.
Tyler, Nadia and Matt are all at the grill and simultaneous bitching leads to a game of shots where they all share stories about their mothers. Tyler takes a loo break and overhears (super Hybrid hearing!) Nadia compel Matt, asking him who Enzo is. UH OH. Later on when she’s compelling him again Matt fakes it (he’s back on vervane), tells Nadia that No, he doesn’t think that Caroline has feelings for Stefan (Katherine is checking ALL of her bases). Tyler rolls up as Nadia leaves and is all, I KNEW IT but then Nadia snaps his neck and blackmails Matt. He figures out exactly what Katherine and Nadia have been up to and now I am super worried about Matt, you guys. Story of my life.
Meanwhile, the Murder Buds have decided to demand that Bonnie find one of her witch friends (insert earlier Plot Device of girl sitting next to Bonnie in class and making a pen float) to do a locator spell to find Wes. Oh, and they’re kidnapping Jeremy just for shits and giggles.
You know, say what you will about Damon Salvatore but when he goes Full Asshole he REALLY goes Full Asshole.
Bonnie and Damon find the witch working catering at the Bitter Ball and it all comes to a head. Stefan didn’t want Elena to find out about Damon killing Aaron because he wants a chance for Damon and Elena to reconcile, for his brother to be brought back from the abyss. Katherine’s face as she’s having to pretend that she cares whether Jeremy lives or dies is PRICELESS. She actually makes a pros/cons list about whether it’s better to save him or let him die and get tons of sympathy. She needs a WWEGD app for her phone. She decides to play the weeping sister and throws herself at Stefan, crying that he save her precious brother.
Sidenote: We all know that Katherine is amazingly broken and sad and mostly oblivious about basic human connections. I find it frustrating for her to think for one second that even if she did achieve her goal of getting Stefan back that she doesn’t see that he wouldn’t actually be back FOR HER. She would have to pretend to be Elena FOREVER.
Back to the show!
Bonnie helps the Newbie Witch control her magic enough so that she achieves the locator spell but Enzo decides to have a little fun in the meantime and so starts suffocating Jeremy with plastic. Katherine and Stefan show up just in time and Katherine is super pissed and grossed out that she has to give Jeremy mouth-to-mouth. Teehee! Damon shows up to get Enzo and the both of them run off to Richmond to kill Wes. Stefan tells his brother never to come back and my heart breaks just the littlest bit for Stefan.
Katherine is trying to seduce Stefan by asking him to get a splinter out of her back. (Girl, you need to learn to play it a bit cool.) She tells him that she figured out that Damon killed Aaron because the hostage pic of Jeremy was in the Whitmore House and the only way that Damon could enter was if the owner was dead. Stefan confesses to her that when she and Damon first got together he was waiting, HOPING for Damon to screw up. But as time went by he didn’t. And he saw how Damon was actually good for her in a lot of ways and how great she was for him so he stopped wishing. He wanted Damon to stay that person. Katherine agrees to help him try and bring Damon back but only for him, she’s adamant that she won’t be with him again. Looks like Katherine is going to have her work cut out for her a bit more than she thought. You can’t get in between the Salvatore Brothers, Katherine. Didn’t you learn that the first time? Caroline sees them hugging and arches her eyebrow with extreme ferocity.
So when the Murder Buds show up to the hospital to kill Wes they are a bit shocked to find that he has back-up in the form of a group of chanting travellers. They’re injected, pass out and awaken to find that they are hungry. But for vampire blood.
Moments of Hilarity:
“Elena breaks up with you and you go on a killing spree. Could you be any more predictable?” – Stefan
“My mom hooked up with you.” – Matt to Tyler
Moments of Heart-Swelling:
“Hey Damon? Don’t plan on coming back.” – Stefan
“I’ve been waiting for Damon to screw up…He’s there for you. Sometimes better than I ever was…I stopped waiting for him to fail. I want him to stay the person he’s become.” – Stefan
So what did y’all think? I felt like there were a bunch of new characters tossed in as plot devices (new witch, new benefactor, new cannibal vampire) and it felt a bit all over the place. But now Damon could kill anyone including Stefan, Elena, Caroline…!
About the Contributor:
Amanda Reid is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She’s a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, and she bakes a damn fine pie.
