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Previously: Kai is trapped in a prison world with Lily’s witch-vampire family, Jo and Alaric are engaged and expecting, Lily was the vampire who sired Enzo, and Damon tells Elena that he wants both of them to take The Cure.
Professor Alaric is working late grading papers and Dr. Jo calls to check in. There’s a dark WHOOSH at the school and Alaric is snatched away. Meanwhile a cop approaches Jo at the hospital, asking if they can speak privately…because he’s a stripper.
And Alaric? Has been taken away for his Bachelor Party:
That was the best cold open this show has done in a LONG time. I quite enjoyed that. After the ladies have their fun they head over to a diner to continue their booze-free Hen Night. Elena has compelled everyone to leave the diner so they have it all to themselves and get down on some shakes, fries and burgers. I mean, this kind of sounds like the perfect evening as long as I could bring a hip flask. Bonnie calls out Elena for not talking about The Cure; Damon called her when Elena freaked out to Damon’s “Hey, let’s both become human!” declaration. Bonnie wants to know if Elena is worried that Human Elena won’t love Damon but Jo thinks it’s a bunch of hogwash; you love who you love, being supernatural or not doesn’t change that. Elena gets a text from Damon, asking her to meet him in the square.
Meanwhile over at Chez Salvatore Matt Donovan is drinking a whole lot more than someone should be who’s on pain meds. Tyler shows up (ugh), and so does Enzo (hurrah!). Enzo is utterly perplexed as to how to do a Jell-O shot and Alaric calls out Damon for not telling Stefan about his plan to take The Cure. He also knows how much Damon loves being a vampire. Tyler finds Matt drinking his way through the extensive Salvatore liquor supply, and offers to drive him home. Matt lashes back, telling Tyler he has to learn how to control his anger. Turns out Tyler isn’t super keen about becoming a cop; if he shoots someone and they die it will re-trigger his werewolf curse. (I honestly don’t even remember how he lost it in the first place – was it the magical border? I’m so utterly uninterested in Tyler, you guys. And now Matt is becoming a drunk asshole who hates everyone. Awesome.)
Stefan is upstairs leaving Caroline a voicemail asking her to come home. He’s plainly avoiding his mother and Enzo asks him to help save Lily. She’s very close to Full Blown Ripper, something that seems to run in the family. Damon gives Stefan the backstory of Enzo being sired by Lily. Great – so now Stefan and Enzo have ONE MORE reason to hate each other: competing for favorite “son”. Stefan arrives just in time to save some poor sod from getting his neck ripped out by Lily in a dark alley. They sit and drink, he tries to teach her the art of sublimation – trading one vice for another. Lily Salvatore is going to need to learn how to drink like her sons, but can she make it look as good as they do? Doubtful. Stefan really wants to help Lily but she knows he’s going to knock her out and put her in a cell to sober up so she makes her escape after snacking on a patron. LILY SALVATORE OUT.
Elena strolls over to the square only to find Damon waiting for her up in the clock tower. Well, not so much IN the tower but in front of the clock face. She asks him if he REALLY wants to take the cure OR if he’s just afraid of losing her. Legitimate question. She knows he loves being a vampire and doesn’t want him to resent her. Damon asks her what her favorite thing is about being a vampire and, of course, it’s the ability to heal others.
He mentions how much he likes being able to get into other people’s heads and shows her her old house. He has The Cure and Elena takes it. Her memories start to flood back and she gets super woozy.
Matt Donovan is STILL DRINKING YOU GUYS, and this time it’s Alaric who tries to put on the brakes. Matt tells him that if he loves his family and wants to keep them safe he’ll get out of Mystic Falls. I can’t say I disagree.
Enzo shows up to the bar where Stefan has had to compel all of the customers and staff to forget that they saw his mom make a snack out of some poor woman, and Enzo finally tells Stefan that Damon has The Cure, and that he and Elena both plan on taking it. You can tell that Enzo REALLY enjoyed being the one to break that news to Stefan.
Lily finds Bonnie and Jo, which is super not-great since Bonnie is the one who destroyed her only hope at getting her family out of the prison world. She stabs Bonnie in the neck with a receipt stand (DAMN) and lunges for Jo, who begs for mercy for her unborn babies. Lily listens for heartbeats and hears TWO. I guess Jo and Alaric really ARE going to need to get out of town because as soon as the Gemini Coven finds out there’s another set of twins in the family they’re going to come for them. Later on at the hospital Jo tells Alaric they’re having twins and they both agree that they need to leave Mystic Falls in their rearview mirror.
Damon is carrying Elena and they stop behind The Grill. She no longer is under Alaric’s compulsion and all of her memories are returned to her. She checks that she’s still human by pricking her finger – she keeps bleeding!
Elena: “I feel like I want to kiss you.”
Their celebration is interrupted by Stefan, phoning Damon to tell him it’s the worst time ever to turn human: their mom is on the hunt and she’s super pissed. Lily shows up, snaps Damon’s neck and Elena STABS HER IN THE EYE WITH A PIN. Way to get a headstart, girl! Stefan arrives and confronts a waking-up Damon about taking The Cure. He would’ve liked to have LEAST been consulted, Damon. He goes inside to find a crying Lily. She grabs a stake to kill herself and Stefan begs her not to…so she lunges for him instead. Damon syringes her and off she goes to the Salvatore Secret Prison for Unfettered Vampires.
Back at Chez Salvatore Elena tells Damon that she wants him to have MANY conversations with people before he decides to become human. Tick tock, Elena – that blood isn’t going to be in your system forever. She remembers talking about The Cure on the island and how much Damon did NOT want to become human.
Enzo is standing guard over Lily’s cell but he may as well have peed in front of it, that’s how much he wants Stefan to have anything to do with Lily. Does EVERYTHING have to be a competition for you two? First it was for Damon, and now it’s for Lily? Stefan tells Lily that one day he hopes she’ll see him as her son. They have eternity to figure it out. Lily isn’t here for this Hallmark moment and tells him that one day she hopes he feels the devastation that she does right now. Alrighty then!
PRISON WORLD: Kai the human blood-bag is making kettle cornbread for his family of hungry witch-vamps. And he has a plan to get home. Because you always knew he did. (I wonder how much sugar Kai uses in his cornbread. This is important stuff, people.)
Thoughts:
- “You guys aren’t full are you?” Pregnant, hungry, vegetarian-who-eats-burgers Jo is the best Jo.
- “That was utterly adorable.” I sort of hate that Enzo has been reduced to a jealous, eavesdropping creeper.
- “Take it from someone who you left to burn to death to save your own skin.” I take it that particular wound hasn’t healed yet then?
- “I’d give it all up for one life with you.” I am This Episode’s Sense of Dangerous Foreboding.
- “I suppose I’d be like you. Sad and alone.” Stefan’s not THAT sad or alone, Lily. Why don’t you take a couple of steps back.
Are you guys ready for Kai to come back and lay down some Apex Witch realness? Did anyone else feel Caroline’s absence as much as I did? And what is happening to Matt Donovan??
About the Contributor:
Amanda Reid is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She’s a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, and she bakes a damn fine pie.
