Previously: Kai tricked Bonnie so now he’s on his way back home, ready to become the head of his coven, Kai is also the murderous brother of not only Jo, but the WonderTwins, Damon compelled Alaric to get the Ascendant from Jo so that they can try and bring Bonnie back. That should end well.
Whip yourselves up a strong cocktail because this week’s episode brings us a veritable Whitman’s Sampler of pain, heartache, betrayal, anger, disappointment and rage. Next week’s Christmas episode better make with the hope and the miracles. It was the Darkest Night of the Year of episodes, made even darker by the absence of Caroline Forbes, Sparkly Unicorn.
Alaric gets the Ascendant from Jo, cloaked under a romantic evening full of wine, Thai food and nookie. He brings it to Damon who them compels him to forget all about it. Alaric goes back to researching another way to bring Bonnie back, none the wiser. Jo realizes it’s missing and puts the pieces together. Alaric sticks up for his bestie: “He wouldn’t do that, he’s my friend.” All I can do is shake my head. Jo suggests they cross the Mystic Falls border and if there IS a compulsion, it will fade away.
Jeremy Gilbert is sober and jogging with his sister. He’s cried all of his grief away and is ready to move forward. Now, if I was Elena I would have just SURPRISED him with Bonnie when I got her back instead of getting his hopes up, but that’s not what happens. Jeremy isn’t having any of it; he knows that things won’t be the same even if Bonnie DOES come home. Seeing Jeremy actually doing better is painful when you realize it’s going to be short-lived.
Liv is tired of hiding out at Chez Tyler with him, Matt and Sarah and leaves to go to work at The Grille. This puts her in serious danger and I raise an eyebrow. This seems shortsighted and stupid but I think she’s kind of accepted that the whole Twin Merge thing is going to happen anyways and so what the hell. She and Tyler finally kiss and I am decidedly underwhelmed.
Elena and Damon meet Liv in the woods and give her the Ascendant. Elena is a bit surprised that Jo would hand it over so easily. BE VERY SURPRISED, ELENA. Liv sends them Over and gives them eight hours to find Bon-Bon. Of course they can’t find her because she was in Portland but thank God Damon remembers how to page someone. She calls them from the road! She’s on her way back, she’s so excited to hear Elena’s voice and OH MY GOD this is just so CRUEL.
Kai is back, has a smartphone, wears skinny jeans and is on Twitter with a suitable douchey handle: CobraKai. Somebody please kill me. He murders his cab driver with his ear buds because that’s what you do when you don’t have enough money for the fare. And he’s at Whitmore College! He goes to The Grille and tries ordering a Zima from Liv. What would be today’s equivalent of a Zima? I’m going to go with Bud Light Lime. Liv cards CobraKai and he delightfully points out his name and address. Witchy powers abound! Kai chases her up to the balcony but not before Tyler busts in like the goddamn Kool-Aid Man (seriously, where the hell did he come from?), pushes Kai over the balcony and whisks Liv away. Well, that was disappointing. Liv has all of that mojo and needed Neutered Tyler to rescue her? P’shaw!
ENZO! Matt is at the diner with Sarah so that she can meet Stefan. Enzo is there, pissing Matt off and spying on Sarah and Stefan. He’s determined to show everyone that Stefan isn’t the Good Guy he claims he is. Yeah, I’m pretty sure they all remember Ripper Stefan, Enzo. You really need to find another way to occupy your time. Stefan asks Sarah to leave with him because he doesn’t want Snoopy Enzo to overhear what he has to say to her: that he knows she’s lying, that the real Sarah Salvatore was adopted out as a baby and is a student at Duke, and that she’s a lying liar with her pants on fire. Turns out her name is Monique and she knew Sarah as a kid. Monique hated her foster life and so went looking for Sarah’s family in the hopes of finding one for herself. Stefan isn’t having it and is pretty unsympathetic. It’s not like she was looking for an inheritance, Stefan. Damn. Stefan asks her to take off her vervane so he can compel her to forget everything. So when Matty Donovan rolls up to check on her and she doesn’t recognize him he’s super pissed at Stefan. Then ENZO shows up and demands Stefan tell the WHOLE story (which of course, he doesn’t, he tells them that Sarah Salvatore died as a newborn) and for that Enzo snaps Monique’s neck. Matt Donovan is 100% done with how disposable people are to Enzo and goes home to enlist Retired Hunter Jeremy Gilbert in his mission to bring down Enzo.
Elena realizes that if Kai got back (since he’s not there) then that means he’s going to go after Jo. Who no longer has the Ascendant. Elena is SO disappointed in Damon (Disappointed in Damon is a running theme for this show, I swear) and accuses him of using this as an opportunity to get her to see him as The Good Guy by bringing Bonnie home. Later on Elena and Damon wait on her family’s front porch and Damon tells her how he went there every day while he was trapped so that he could remember her. Aww. He also tells her that Bonnie was the reason he got out and that he’s doing this for HER, not for Elena. Elena apologizes for compelling her memories away and it’s a nice moment until they are zapped back to the present by Liv, currently on the run with Tyler from CobraKai. Damon left a note for Bonnie for her to meet them on Elena’s front porch and we are all left devastated by seeing Bonnie’s hope and joy turn into smoke and ash as she realizes her friends are gone.
Even more devastation as Kai shows up, taunting them and crushing the Ascendant. Then Alaric finds Damon and punches him repeatedly for betraying his trust. We end with CobraKai waiting for Tyler and asking him he wants to save Liv. Let me guess – if Kai is the head of the coven the twins don’t have to merge? Please don’t let Tyler be this dense.
Thoughts:
- Did anyone else find themselves in need of SEVERAL STIFF DRINKS after this episode?? CHRIST ON A CRACKER. Bonnie in a crumpled heap on the porch at the end? I just can’t.
- Matt Donovan telling Enzo, “Everyone hates you.” got all the lolz from me.
- Damon really would have been amazing on Real World: London. I think that’s the last Real World that I watched wholeheartedly. #Neil4eva
- The Gin Blossoms. Is there no respite from terrible music in this 1994? I know for a fact that there was good music in 1994 dammit!
- That Boyz II Men cd was DEFINITELY Damon’s. Now all I can picture is him in his car bellowing out End of the Road. Or grooving to MotownPhilly (still a good song, I will fight you on this).
- What EVEN was the point of Sarah/Monique’s ENTIRE character/plotline?
- “I’m doing this for Bonnie, Elena. Not for you.” Good thing too because your OTHER BFF hates your ass now, Damon.
- That had to be one hard phone call Elena had to make to Jeremy at the end. So now Jeremy is going to channel is rage by helping Matt kill Enzo? BUT IT’S CHRISTMAS.
WELL. That was a complete downer of an episode. What did you all think? I’ll tell you what, I really need Winterwear-Adorned Caroline Forbes next week. We must throw all of the scarves, mittens, hot cocoa and cookies at this show because DAMN.
About the Contributor:
Amanda Reid is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She’s a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, and she bakes a damn fine pie.
