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Previously: Elena and Damon couldn’t bring back Bonnie, Caroline is still super pissed at Stefan, Alaric is now super pissed at Damon for compelling him, Kai is back on the scene and ready to be the Big Cheese of his coven and asks Tyler for his help in return for keeping Liv safe. Yawn.
Remember how last week I was forced to make large batches of cocktails because it was SUCH A DAMN DOWNER? I hope you still have your martini glass because this week’s episode is also full of heartache and grief. Happy holidays!
Dr. Jo calls Alaric to tell him that she’s going to be late for dinner except she never shows up because Kai kidnaps her and stabs her in the neck with a syringe. When Alaric calls Damon and Elena looking for Jo they start to piece it all together (with some very fast exposition): Kai needs to merge with Jo so he can become All Powerful Warlock UNLESS the twins merge instead, except that Jo has hidden her magic away in that knife if Portland. But wait, Damon has the knife! And it’s hidden (not in a soapdish either, thank God)! But wait, the twins have done a locator spell and found the knife and gave it to Kai because they don’t want to die but apparently are ok with Kai murdering their sister and then also their coven. This is not endearing me to characters I already don’t care about. Luke isn’t really onboard so I guess he’s the less terrible of the two. Makes sense since he’s not the one dating Tyler. Kai has Jo in the Salvatore Crypt, right next to the Mystic Falls border. He tries stabbing Jo with the knife to make her magic return to her. He’s not exactly subtle. Turns out Jo has to willingly pull her magic back. Kai sulks and goes to get a bandage. Liv tells Jo that she’s probably strong enough now to beat Kai on her own. Way to try and make yourself feel better about offering up your sister, LIV. This episode has made me realize that I can only take Kai or the twins in small doses. #TeamJo
Caroline Forbes doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas so we may as well get Santa on the horn and let him know it’s CANCELLED. She can’t get to Mystic Falls so her mom brings the holidays to her dorm room and it’s all very sweet. (FORESHADOWING OF IMPENDING DOOM) Liz has enlisted Stefan to go get lights and he returns with multiple sizes (good choice, Stefan). Caroline is peeved, Stefan pouts, Liz faints and suddenly Christmas just got a whole lot darker. At the hospital Stefan listens in to the doctors and knows that Liz has a tumor in her brain that has spread to her spine.
In case that wasn’t enough doom and gloom for you we get to see flashbacks to a happier, gayer (literally, with Mr. Forbes helping out his “friend Steven”) time in Mystic Falls with the annual Tree Lighting Ceremony when everyone was still ALIVE and together, as well as glimpses of poor Bonnie, stuck on The Other Side, determined to celebrate Christmas on her own, dragging a tree to the middle of an empty parking lot for her own ceremony. I hope setting that tree on fire was cleansing, Bon-Bon.
Damon calls Matt Donovan and asks him to find Jeremy and help them all find Kai. Matt’s all like, “Sure, sure, no problem” but he’s actually is in the middle of his own (stupid) agenda, which is finding and killing Enzo. Revenge isn’t a good look on you, Matty.
Caroline Forbes Grows as a Person when she tells Elena that Damon has always been there for her, through the good and the bad. WHOA. I guess the holidays plus her mom being sick are making Caroline all soft. Stefan tells Elena that he should be the one to tell Caroline about her mom’s diagnosis. He wants to be there for her. Caroline refuses to believe that nothing can be done at first and as she starts to realize that her mom is dying her face crumples into the ugliest, saddest cry imaginable. I honestly have no words. Just glares in the direction of the writers.
Tyler continues to be The Worst with his “Hey, I’m just trying to keep my girlfriend ALIVE” line to Damon. Easy there, tiger. You’ve been dating, what, a few weeks? And you’re willing to unleash a murderous sorcerer on the general public so you can get your swerve on? UGH.
Matt and Jeremy capture Enzo by enticing him with a Folder of Stefan Salvatore Secrets, which turns out to be empty. Matt calls out Enzo for being jealous of Stefan (true dat) and then Jeremy swoops in with the crossbow. Matt doesn’t want to kill Enzo, oh no, he wants to torture him. Jeremy isn’t down with this and tells Matt he’s heading down a dark and crazy road. Matt is all I DON’T CARE, throws Enzo in the back of the Murder Van and heads across the Mystic Falls border.
Back at the Crypt, Kai has absorbed Liv’s magic and decides to kill her. Unfortunately he doesn’t. Noble Dr. Jo intervenes by agreeing to absorb her magic from the knife. Damon and Alaric show up, but don’t kill Kai after Jo tells them not to. So they tie him to a tree across the border. The border which is cloaked with a very powerful spell set by hundreds of travelers. Kai makes with the sponge-y hands and absorbs ALL of that power. Oops. Kai gets away!
Matty D is in for a surprised when he opens the back doors of the Murder Van and Enzo is still alive. He decides to take Matt with him on a journey to find out Stefan’s ACTUAL secrets. ROAD TRIP.
Stefan and Damon can finally go back to Chez Salvatore. Stefan shows up in Damon’s old car which he restored for him as a Christmas/Glad-You’re-Back-From-The-Dead gift. Aww. Elena phones Damon and agrees to come over, but when she arrives Damon can’t see her. Tricksy Kai has used a cloaking spell on both of them so that he could roll up to Chez Salv undetected. Aaaand SCENE.
Thoughts:
- Show of hands: who cares about Liv or Luke?
- “The little ones OBVIOUSLY.” Caroline Forbes isn’t here for bigass tacky Christmas tree lights.
- “Beavis and Butthead are on the lookout.” This statement is actually giving Matt and Jeremy too much credit, sadly.
- “I get it, no one wants to see that face with her hair.” This is what we were all obviously thinking about the Twin Merge. *shudder*
- “It’s a Christmas miracle!” Tee-hee! Enzo’s the best.
- “If we’ve learned anything today it’s that we should kill our enemies with haste.” Has Enzo been reading from the Klaus Mikaelsen Guide to Disposing of One’s Enemies?
- What is Stefan’s big secret regarding his great-niece? Hmm.
Well that’s it until our show returns on January 22, 2015! Y’all have a great holiday season! Drink and eat with abandonment, try not to kill your relatives and have an extra snickerdoodle for yours truly.
About the Contributor:
Amanda Reid is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She’s a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, and she bakes a damn fine pie.
