About:
Previously: Ric didn’t destroy the Phoenix Stone because he’s convinced that necromancy is a better option than mourning Jo, and Stefan and Damon plot to get Elena and Caroline back from Lily by finding the Prodigal Heretic, Oscar.
What Went Down
Did you wake up this morning and ask yourself, “I wonder how Stefan Salvatore lost his virginity”? Neither did I, and neither did Caroline Forbes but homegirl got an EARFUL from Valerie, resident Mean Girl Heretic AND Stefan’s First Love. (I only wish Katherine Pierce was still alive so we could hear her roar of indignation.) New Vampire Lily was mourning “losing” her sons so she sent her new (sociopathic) boyfriend Julian and adopted “orphan” Valerie to go check up on Stefan and see how he’d been coping with losing his mother. Valerie falls for Stefan, they make with the sexy times, and she’s promptly whisked back to Lily by Julian. Julian is a Bad Guy, and he needs to leave the country so the whole fam is booked on a ship to Europe. Valerie telegraphs Stefan, telling him that she’s returning to him, but not before Julian intercepts her plans, beats the ever-living shite out of her, killing her unborn child. He lies to Lily, saying that Valerie was robbed and beaten. Rather than spend the rest of her life looking at the smirking face of her abuser, Valerie tries to commit suicide, only she had Lily’s blood in her system. And that’s how the first Heretic was born.
Meanwhile in Myrtle Beach, Damon has recruited Ric and Bonnie to help him track down the 6th Heretic, Oscar, who is currently living La Vida Loca (as any person should be after being trapped in a prison world for a century). Bonnie asks Oscar to siphon away the painful memory linked to the Phoenix Stone, and he obliges, only to expose Ric for the lying liar that he is. Scuffles ensue, and our gang manages to get Oscar back for the Caroline/Elena swap..except that Valerie kills him first. COME ON, SHOW. I really liked Oscar!
Holy CRAP
- Lily’s terrible taste in men: discuss.
- Being a captive audience for your boyfriend’s first love, who is more than willing to share EVERY detail of their first time together: WORSE than being tortured by Nora and Mary Louise, or nah?
- Bonnie being willing to go along with Ric’s TERRIBLE resurrection idea – come ON, Bon-Bon.
- Oscar is the antecedent to Enzo and Alaric…! The three of them could’ve had matching t-shirts: I Drink With Damon Salvatore.
Vamp of the Week
Oscar we barely knew you, but you made me laugh, and I’m sorry to see you go.
Hero Hair/Nefarious Grin
I have to give it up for Caroline this week, y’all. She managed to retain at least SOME composure during Valerie’s romantic recapping, and she took her feelings to Stefan afterward instead of keeping them on the simmer and exploding on him at a later date. Communication is key!
Self-serving, violent, cruel, lying sociopath? I don’t think even Klaus Mikaelsen would kick the crap out of a pregnant woman, Julian. (Oh wait – Klaus DID dagger Rebekah in order to keep her from Stefan.) So you are at Klaus-level of being The Worst (without being NEARLY as dashing), and I look forward to Valerie ripping you to shreds.
Honorable Mention: Valerie, for finding Caroline Forbes’s insecurity about never being “The One”, and exploiting the hell out of it.
Sound Bites
“Does agreeing to go mean you put on pants?” – Alaric, being a total killjoy.
“It’s kind of like The Notebook, except you two never reconnect and he forgets about you.” – Caroline, bringing on the shade.
“How long until that happens?”
“Pretty soon, thanks to Donovan… A phrase no one has uttered, ever.” – Watch yourself there, Damon.
“You can take my town, destroy my house, but you will not touch my car.” – Stefan (flash forward three years to him setting his care on fire.)
“The other day, I called a number on this card and just like that, I had a girlfriend.”
“It’s called an escort service.”
“But she really got who I am, you know? It was a beautiful human experience.” – Oscar is was HILARES.
Burning Questions
- Why is Future Tyler driving his own car if he’s living in NYC? No one drives there, you either take the subway or you are driven by someone else. I really want to believe that Tyler is somebody’s driver, and isn’t in any way successful at being an adult. #petty
- So Oscar’s mission was to find Julian. Interesting. So he’s a preserved vampire somewhere with a stake in his chest?
- Are Caroline and Stefan ever going to be able to touch again?
- Why did this show bring on such a likeable character AND THEN IMMEDIATELY MURDER HIM? So much for increased ethnic diversity.
- What is Zombie Jo going to be like? I’m thinking the trauma of being murdered by your brother AND also losing your unborn children is going to have…an effect.
So how are you all feeling about the Big Reveal of Valerie being Stefan’s first love? (It’s not working for me, to be honest. It feels like a bit of a contrivance in order to put another obstacle between Caroline and Stefan. Like, why would Caroline even sweat Valerie after she’s processed Stefan with Elena AND Katherine?)
About the Contributor:
Amanda Reid is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She’s a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, and she bakes a damn fine pie.
