Banned Book Week in an annual event when we celebrate the First Amendment and our rights to read whatever the hell we’d like. Librarians and book enthusiasts everywhere will prominently feature and talk about books that have been (or still are) banned or challenged in libraries and schools. And boy are there a lot of books that seem to piss people off. But maybe we’re looking at this the wrong way? Maybe we aren’t challenging enough books? There are plenty more books than those on these lists that seem to have questionable or objectionable material. The ladies of FYA and I have put together a list of books you weren’t even aware are secretly warping your fragile minds.
Submitted by Megan no h
Objectionable Material: The protagonist Katsa uses magical birth control to facilitate her promiscuous lifestyle. Everyone knows only sluts and working girls use birth control (magical or otherwise). Good girls should either keep it in their pants or use the POP method (pull out and pray).
Book: The Red Badge of Courage
Objectionable Material: Communism. I mean, I haven’t read it, but just look at that title. Communism.
Book: The Hobbit
Objectionable Material: Promotes the “short people” agenda.
Submitted by Meghan
Book: Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel
Objectionable Material: This story of a love affair between a man and his steam shovel is disgusting to the highest degree. What sort of perversions are we teaching children? That it’s ok to love a machine? What’s next? Sheep? Goats? Gay marriage?!!? I think NOT. Mike Mulligan, it’s time to sell Mary Ann for scrap and get a REAL American’s machine – one that runs on PETROLEUM. Then take that thing up to Alaska and dig, baby, dig!
Book: Anne of Green Gables
Objectionable Material: From the beginning of the story, Anne is trouble. She has the gall to be a girl-child instead of a boy-child, and we all know women sow the seeds of temptation. She has red hair — the mark of Satan. She tempts Diana into tasting Satan’s drink, liquor. And worst of all, she and Diana are bosom friends, and we all know what THAT means.
Submitted by Sarah
Book: The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks
Objectionable Material: The heroine of the book, Frankie, is praised for the destruction of school property and her complete disregard for school authority. In the same way that song lyrics cause children to worship Satan and do drugs, Frankie’s example will lead readers down a dark path of mischief and lawlessness.
Book: Little Women
Objectionable Material: Where to begin?! As we discovered in our hard-hitting investigation, this book is jam-packed with offensive material. From Jo’s lesbian leanings to Laurie’s excessive drinking to Professor Bhaer’s lecherousness for a woman half his age, it’s a wonder that Louisa May Alcott wasn’t jailed immediately upon publishing this work of the Devil. Even Beth, often regarded as the saint of the family, turns out to be a Communist! This supposed “classic” has been poisoning the minds of young girls for far too long, and it’s time to put an end to this Pilgrim’s Progress.
Submitted by Erin
Book: Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children
Objectionable Material: Where to start! FIRST OF ALL, there is SUPERNATURAL NONSENSE in this book. Supernatural nonsense, I might add, that bends the laws of space and time. What will this teach our children? That they can just disregard physics class because, hey, someday someone might create a loophole with which they can slip in and out of the past? It’s hard enough getting kids to pay attention to the basic law of Gravity; if they know time is merely a human construct we’re really going to have issues. AND this book has VIOLENCE in it. Violence from Nazi soldiers! We cannot continue to teach our children about WWII, particularly our American children! If we keep bringing this topic up, they’re going to start asking questions, like, “why did America wait until they were personally attacked to get involved in a genocide and try to fight against it?” And if they ask THAT question, pretty soon they’re going to start asking OTHER questions, like, “hey, aren’t there still genocides being perpetuated against all sorts of people? And isn’t rape being used as a means of control by soldiers in other countries? What are we doing about that?” and THEN where will we be?
Also, this book has orphans in it. So anyone who reads it is gonna get “It’s a Hard-Knock Life” stuck in their head. And then what will you do for the rest of the day?
Book: The Princess Diaries Series
Objectionable Material: This book merely feeds on America’s addiction to royalty and fans the fires of rebellion. Children today are constantly bombarded with images of Princess Shinylocks and to add to that this book series, based on a teenaged princess who wears Queen Amidala (ah! another royal!) panties for good luck is going too far. Soon, spurred by Princess Mia’s kindhearted and self-effacing nature, children all across America will want to rise up, overthrow their democratically elected government, and form a Monarchy state. On with their heads! This kind of anti-American garbage is corrupting our nation’s young minds with thoughts of goodwill, making one’s own destiny and reaching to find the best in one’s self. THIS WILL NOT STAND!
Plus, girls all over the country are going to think they, too, can land a hot, brilliant dude who invents a robotic surgical arm at age 19 and is worth millions but will still bring you bagels and kiss you in Central Park, and THAT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Stop getting their hopes up.
From all the books listed above, it’s clear to us these book banners are getting LAZY. There are plenty more books out there for them to go and challenge! What are they waiting for?
Click here for more Banned Book Week fun.