And at last, we’ve reached the final chapter of Play It Again, Dick, which also just so happens to be the final chapter of “Private Dick.”
After the super riveting shootout cliffhanger of last week, the final episode opens with the reveal that it wasn’t Madison Sinclair who tried to shoot Veronica and was then instead shot by Wallace. No, thanks to some total Mission: Impossible Kane Industries 3D technology, it was actually Celeste Kane (Lisa Thornhill) wearing a Madison mask! Aaaaand it wasn’t actually Wallace who shot Madison/Celeste – no, that was ALSO the work of a really good mask. So who saved Veronica’s life? Why, it’s Duncan Kane! He’s not really dead! And he’s still played by Mercer the Rapist (Ryan Devlin).
Okay, so let’s pull a Gaston/Logan here and lay out some major exposition: Celeste Kane disguised herself as Madison Sinclair and had sex with Dick and killed some folks for various hating-people reasons, and then Dick figured it out because the contour of Celeste’s vagina is way different from Madison’s (ew). Duncan was never really dead, and he realized that Celeste must have faked his funeral in order to gather all of his closest friends so she could kill them, so he put on a Wallace mask and fled to Neptune in order to save his one true love, Veronica. He and Veronica make out rather heavily right in front of Logan, which would feel kind of harsh if he weren’t still being played by Gaston.
Oh, and Dick found his sunglasses!
Naturally, “Private Dick” ends with a giant dance sequence, and then Ryan happily takes his finished product back to The CW execs, who politely decline because their demographic is used to a certain level of…”competence.” But after a little bit of a temper tantrum, Ryan bounces back when the international rights to his pilot are sold and then some more racist gong music happens.
And then, much like “Private Dick,” Play It Again, Dick also ends with a giant dance sequence, meaning that we get to see all of our favorite stars – including the super hot Christopher B. Duncan (Clarence Wiedman!) – have a goofy dance party together, and it looks like so much fun I could just squeal forever.
A reminder of our drinking game rules:
The Official FYA Play It Again, Dick Drinking Game
Drink once every time:
Dick dances.
Dick does a backflip.
Dick or Logan is shirtless.
The name “Dick” is used in a way that could also mean penis.
Drink twice every time:
Someone says “Veronica Mars.”
18 rules this week!
And finally, our most meta moment: when Ryan Devlin acknowledges that it’s super weird for him to come back to the Veronica Mars universe not as Mercer the Rapist but as Duncan Kane, but that he did it anyway because “I got to make out with Veronica Mars!”
But seriously – it’s funny and weird and special that they never even mention Teddy Dunn, who originally played Duncan. I guess he wanted nothing to do with this, but I love the way they worked around him.
And that’s it for Play It Again, Dick! My favorite episode is still the one where Wallace goes all Marcellus Wallace and we learn that Keith’s a dirty old badass. What’s yours?
