After the birth of Renesmee, the Cullens gather other vampire clans in order to protect the child from a false allegation that puts the family in front of the Volturi.
In the batshit final installment of the Twilight movie franchise, Bella wakes up a vampire, a mother, and since it’s Bella, a bunch of vampires are trying to kill her. Same old, same old. However, this time, they also want to destroy her infant daughter and her entire vampire family.
While Bella and Edward’s unplanned miracle child, Renesmee, grows at an alarming rate and Bella tests the extent of her new supernatural gifts, the Cullens rack up some serious frequent flier miles by rounding up every vampire they’ve ever met in an effort to convince the Volturi not to murder them all. This culminates in a showdown that had theatergoers literally gasping in horror/delight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we already know Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner are all here. But let’s talk about the unsung heroes of this opus.
Lee Pace as Garrett
I will be forever mystified at how they convinced legit decent actors to participate in this nonsense, and I am also forever grateful. Lee Pace is the dreamiest, and his Revolutionary War-era vampire is having the most fun of anyone in this movie.
Michael Sheen as Aro
How is this even the same actor who played an uptight physician and sex researcher on Masters of Sex? I liked to think that the direction given to Sheen for playing ancient vampire leader, Aro, was simply to chew all of the scenery in sight. And he does an impeccable job.
Dakota Fanning as Jane
Poor Dakota is not given much to do, mainly owing to the fact that evil Jane’s mystical power is simply to inflict pain on people by staring at them. There is A LOT of malevolent staring here.
Rami Malek as Benjamin
There is an OSCAR® winner in a Twilight movie. Benjamin gets a large share of the special effects budget due to being able to control the elements. But there’s no stealing the thunder of an animatronic baby.
Couch-Sharing Capability: Gather Your Witnesses
No one will ever believe you about this movie unless you make them watch it for themselves. It’s really not even required that they have seen the previous movies. Although, why would you deprive anyone of that experience? People may think they don’t care about vampires, or teen love triangles, or CGI werewolves. THEY ARE WRONG.
Recommended Level of Inebriation: Your Own Personal Brand of Heroin
Teenagers in Forks don’t even drink, y’all. Their idea of a good time is hanging out on freezing beaches and eating too many hot dogs at the bonfire. Or, you know, hunting mountain lions. The amazing thing about this movie is that it requires zero alcohol to make you feel like you are definitely drunk and seeing things. The epic WTFery of the final battle scene is the equivalent of four cocktails. Baby Renesmee alone is enough to keep kids off drugs.
Use of Your Streaming Subscription: Forever
Imagine an extremely long, and yet anticlimactic book, wrapping up an inane and beloved series. Then imagine a movie studio saying “oh no, eff that, here’s what should have happened.” And that’s how you get the gift that is Breaking Dawn, Part 2. This movie is practically giddy with its own absurdity. (Wait. Maybe that’s just what it does for me?) Vampire arm wrestling, earthquakes, a werewolf in love with a baby, betrayal, and beheadings. It’s everything we never knew we always wanted.
So, yes, the Twilight franchise was previously on Amazon Prime, and before that on Netflix. Yes, it also runs on cable nearly every other weekend. We’re so blessed to live in a time when we can watch Twilight movies any time of the day or night. So, if you’re ever having a rough day, or sick in bed, or just love extremely messed up happily ever afters and wigs, know that Breaking Dawn, Part 2 is always there for you.