Title: Gilmore Girls S5.E13 “Wedding Bell Blues”
Gilmore Girls S5.E14 “Say Something”
Released: 2005
Series:  Gilmore Girls

Drinks Taken: 19
Cups of Coffee: 3

Last week, on Gilmore Girls

I’m feeling rather stricken this week – a little can’t-get-out-of-bed-dreaming-the-saddest-dreams-ever kind of depressed thanks to Gilmore Girls, so let’s just barrel through the sadness and make it to next week when (spoiler!) things get better, okay?

But first! A reminder of our drinking game rules:

Emily, Lorelai, and Rory Gilmore all with drinks in their hands

The Gilmore Girls Drinking Game Rules

Drink once every time:

Lorelai or Rory drinks coffee.
Emily gets flustered by Lorelai’s bizarre sense of humor.
Sookie is controlling about food.
Paris is controlling about anything.
Michel snubs a customer.
Luke is crotchety.
Taylor has an absurd scheme for Stars Hollow.
The girls acquire massive amounts of food and then fail to take even one bite.

Drink twice every time:

Kirk has a new job.
You see a town troubadour.
Emily gets a new maid. 

Onto the episodes!

5.13 “Wedding Bell Blues”

The 100th episode of Gilmore Girls! A brief, personal moment to say that I have truly loved revisiting these one hundred episodes with you, my friends, and I look forward to the remaining 54. Gilmore Girls rang in its c-note with quite a bang, as Emily and Richard celebrate their fortieth wedding anniversary with a beautiful vow renewal ceremony that turns into something of a catastrophe. Emily and Richard have conspired to make Luke feel as small as possible, of course, so he’s already on edge when Christopher arrives – armed with Emily’s invitation and instigation from last week – and Lorelai suddenly remembers to tell Luke about the tequila incident. He’s upset she kept it from him, but because he’s a generous and loving man, he works to move past it, and they eventually spend a lovely evening dancing and flirting and laughing. Chris, meanwhile, spends the evening drinking and glowering at them, plotting to ruin everything and filling me with the wrath of a thousand banshees.

Logan’s at the ceremony, and Rory – who is lookin’ FINE, might I add – decides to make her move. They dance, and she asks him why he hasn’t asked her out yet. He attends this boring party, obviously hoping to see her, and he brought a friend instead of a date. He flirts with her and responds when she flirts with him – so why hasn’t he asked her out? He tells her, with admirable frankness, the following: “Because you’re special. You’re beautiful. You’re intelligent. You are incredibly interesting. You’re definitely girlfriend material. I, however, am definitely not boyfriend material. I can’t do commitment, and I don’t want to pretend to you that I can. If I were to date you, there would be no dating. It would be something, right away, and I’m not that guy.” I appreciate his honesty – and I love the way he sees Rory – but Rory seems to believe that she is capable of casual dating. To prove it, she takes him to an empty room and they start making out hard-core. (Well, medium-core. It’s still Rory, after all.)

Meanwhile, Chris has moved on to actively trying to break up Lorelai and Luke, drunkenly bragging about old times he and Lorelai shared when they were teens (god, Christopher) and trying to make Luke jealous. Lorelai avoids it all by looking for Rory, and finds her and Logan in a disheveled state of dress. Chris is sloshed so he barges in, yelling at Logan to get his hands off of Rory, and Luke is just Luke, so then he does the same. Lorelai helps poor Rory and Logan escape, and then Chris tells Luke that he and Lorelai are meant for each other, and everybody knows it – including Emily, who told him to come to the party to rescue Lorelai from Luke. Lorelai and Luke are staggered, and Luke storms off before Lorelai can stop him. She’s stuck taking a family photo before she can go after him, and in the closing moments of the episode, she whispers with righteous anger in Emily’s ear, “You and me? We’re done.”

How many times do I have to drink?


How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?


Flirtation quota

Logan and Rory are hot-hot-HOT this episode, steaming up my TV and my glasses and my soul all at once. I’d also like to note that this is the FIRST time that Rory kisses a new boy without running away immediately afterward! (She runs away here. And here. And here.) What progress! She’s truly a woman now.

Emily and Richard are the most loving and romantic couple in the world this week, with diamond necklaces and solo dances to “Marry Me, Bill” and a hundred other adorable moments, but I’m still mad at Emily so I refuse to gush over their cuteness as much as I might another time.

And Luke and Lorelai? Before everything goes to hell? Here’s a perfect glimpse of her weirdness and his crotchetiness, and all of the ways that they are ideally suited for one another:

Best/most dated pop culture reference

Emily, nervous before the party: “Maybe I should take a Seconal.”

Lorelai, drily: “Excellent idea, Judy.”

Sookie’s best dish of the episode

Impromptu, late-night potstickers for the bachelorette party!

Lorelai’s craziest outfit

They dress her in a lot of gaudy dragonfly stuff, now that she owns a business called The Dragonfly.

Outfit MVP

God, I love Rory’s suit and hair as Richard’s best man. She looks like Marlene Dietrich. Logan didn’t stand a chance – as he admits when Rory first plants one on him and he says, “I feel like I’m kissing a guy,” and then Rory kisses him again and he adds, “And apparently I had no idea what I was missing.” Swoon!

Kirk insanity/Michel madness


Best Gilmore Gal witticism

Richard, flirting with Emily before the ceremony, “I’ll see you in a little while. I’ll be the handsome one holding the ring.” Emily, flirting right back: “My favorite kind of man.”

Random observation

God, I hate that I have to be mad at Emily this week, because she and Richard are so cute, and she’s so happy – and she’s also a complete blast the night before the ceremony. She shows up at Lorelai’s house, expecting a bachelorette party, so Lorelai throws one together, inviting all of the ladies of Stars Hollow who just hang out in the living room, gossiping and laughing and throwing back drinks. Emily’s so fun and happy here, and she looks gorgeous at the ceremony, and DAMMIT I can’t stand that she had to ruin everything for Luke and Lorelai just when things were going so well between her and her daughter.

5.14 “Say Something”

Man. This episode. I don’t want to recap it. I don’t want to talk about it at all.

The small stuff first: Rory goes back to Yale and hopes to hear from Logan, who is obviously a bit gunshy about calling her after two manly father figures nearly beat him to death the last time they were together. So she calls him to “hang out,” which he takes to mean casually, so he invites her over for poker night with the dudes. Rory, despite maintaining in the last ep that she wants pressure-free fun with Logan, immediately acts like a pouty girlfriend about this, but Logan is so great about it, cutting through all the B.S. games and talking to her like a grownup. When they debate, Logan sometimes runs circles around Rory, something I admire about him – and Rory admires it, too. While they’re together, she gets a call from Sookie that Lorelai needs her, but her car’s in the shop, so Logan loans Rory his car and driver (Frank, and I’m honestly not crazy about the way Rory refers to Frank, like he’s Logan’s possession that she borrowed, but that’s a conversation for a less devastating episode) so she can get back to her mother as soon as possible. I’m very pro-Logan right now.

Why does Lorelai need Rory? Moments after the last episode ended, Lorelai leaves the party to look for Luke (after assuring Rory that she’s not mad at her for almost having sex at her grandparents’ wedding), and after running all over town, she eventually finds him at the Black, White and Read Movie Theater. She tries to explain and apologize, but Luke tells her he needs some time. It’s driving her crazy, but she tries to respect his wishes, so she goes to work, and confides in Sookie, and does her best to mend things with him. Meanwhile, Taylor has the town wearing pink and blue ribbons to delineate who’s Team Lorelai and who’s Team Luke, and it all sucks so much. Finally, Lorelai runs into Luke at Doose’s and pushes him even though he’s still not ready to talk, and he tells her that the obstacles created by Chris and her parents are too much for him…so he’s out. Their relationship, this relationship he has fought so hard for and wanted so badly for YEARS…it’s over.

Dammit, I am crying right now. Okay. So Lorelai takes to her bed. This strong, incredible woman who has withstood more than she should ever have to endure, and who has done it with grace and strength, is finally broken. She blames herself entirely. Rory babies her, bringing her snacks and moving the TV upstairs and generally being the most wonderful daughter on the planet. Lorelai finally sleeps, and has this dream, a heartbreaking, twisted flashback of her beautiful first date with Luke:

When she wakes, she calls Luke and leaves a long, rambling, pitiful message on his machine about The Way We Were. She tells him how much she needs him – she actually BEGS him to come over – and then she hangs up and Strong Lorelai kicks in, and she’s immediately mortified. She runs over to the diner and uses the hidden key to go upstairs and steal the tape out of Luke’s machine, and when she heads back to her house…there’s Luke. He rushed over, looking for her, wanting to be there for her…but it’s too late. Lorelai’s pride has taken over, and she’s embarrassed about being so needy, so she tells him he’ll never need to worry about her again, and he looks baffled and leaves. GOD IT IS SO SAD.

This episode breaks my heart, but I want to give credit where it’s due. I spend a lot of time ragging on Daniel Palladino, talking about how his townie and dialogue scenes never run true to me – but this is a Daniel Palladino ep, and it’s brilliant. The dream sequence, the dynamic between Lorelai and Luke, Lauren Graham’s incredible performance – it all makes for some of the best television I’ve ever seen. The best, and the absolute saddest.

How many times do I have to drink?


How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?


Flirtation quota

Logan and Rory are really cute, especially once Rory gets past her pouty thing. I don’t want to talk about Luke and Lorelai anymore.

Best/most dated pop culture reference

Sookie tries to cheer up Lorelai by telling her a story of a couple who broke up over a misunderstanding, and then dated and married and had kids and grandkids with other people who eventually died, and forty years later they were reunited. Lorelai is growing steadily more aghast as the story continues. “What morning show was that on? I hate that story! Was it Katie Couric? She seems very dark to me.” Sookie admits that yes, in fact, it was Katie Couric.

Sookie’s best dish of the episode

She makes pancakes for a party for little girls and their dolls.

Lorelai’s craziest outfit

I’m not going to kick a girl when she’s down.

Outfit MVP

I don’t have the energy. Too sad for outfits.

Kirk insanity

He gets super sweaty playing Dance Dance Revolution at the arcade.

Michel madness

When Lorelai doesn’t show up to the pancake party because she’s heartbroken in bed, Sookie tries to get Michel to stall the kids. Michel: “Like I’m Sponge Boy Big Pants or something? I do not entertain children.”

Best Gilmore Gal witticism

Giving it to Paris, who’s trying to get boy advice from Janet and Althea (played by Dana Davis of ABC Family’s 10 Things I Hate About You – I love her!): “Granted, they know nothing of Ukrainian politics or the periodic table, but when it comes to boys, they’re brighter than the Brontes.”

Random observation

I think Luke is sabotaging here. Lorelai messed up, but she apologized with such earnest, tearful conviction – and he’d already forgiven her for keeping the tequila night from him. So now he’s breaking up with her for what Emily did and for what Christopher did, holding her responsible for the actions of outside parties. I think he’s too scared of losing Lorelai later, so he just gives up on her now to protect himself. He doesn’t even hear her when she tells him, as he once told her, that she’s in. She’s all in. Luke just surrenders, after everything he gave to be with her, and despite how wonderful it’s been since they’ve been together. (SPOILER) This feels like foreshadowing for later, for those who don’t believe Luke’s capable of doing what he does next season. 

So! Meet me back here for a FAR less traumatic installment next Wednesday morning: we’ll be covering “Jews and Chinese Food” and “So…Good Talk.”

And I leave you with a question, dear FYA readers: do you think Luke’s sabotaging, or do you think he’s in the right? Do you think if Lorelai hadn’t been embarrassed and prideful when he came to her house to rescue her, they could have reunited immediately? Is there something in my eye, or am I just weeping inconsolably?

Meredith Borders is formerly the Texas-based editor of Fangoria and Birth.Movies.Death., now living and writing (and reading) in Germany. She’s been known to pop by Forever Young Adult since its inception, and she loves YA TV most ardently.