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Hey, y’all! I’m taking over for Jenny for this week, because I LOVE PROM SO MUCH! And it’s Prom Week on The Vampire Diaries! Isn’t it funny when television shows about vampires have episodes about prom? Cause, like, prom isn’t nearly the metaphor I think people assume it is. It’s just a time for people to dress up – poorly -and dance – poorly – with their classmates. Anyway, let’s talk about how prom goes down in Mystic Falls!
Remember that time Jeremy died, like, five weeks ago? Well, he already has a gravestone and Bonnie is visiting it. Bonnie thinks that the phrase “We did it!” is a lame last thing to say to someone. Which is not true; what if she was talking about sex? Then it would be both congratulatory and celebratory! And then . . . JEREMY IS HERE. OH MY GOD, I HAVE MISSED YOU, MCQUEEN THE LESSER!!!! Jeremy tells Bonnie to open her eyes, and when she does, she’s laying on a couch, engulfed by flames. Is this one of those dreams within a dream, where she thinks she’s getting ready for school but keeps waking up over and over again? Because I hate those.
Meanwhile, gli Fratelli Salvatore are playing football while congratulating their selves on the fact that Elena hasn’t killed anyone in nearly a week. I’d joke about how that’s not progress, but this week? Honestly I’ll give a medal to anyone who DOESN’T directly cause the death of anyone else. Anyway, Stefan wants to get Elena to flip her humanity switch and be, like, a person again. He figures Damon can help Elena process her emotions again. Damon, being kind of an idiot, agrees.
Let’s move on to some more exciting family members! Rebekah is trying to convince Elijah and Klaus that the cure belongs the her, like that dude in that Taylor Swift song. Klaus, on the other hand, sort of wants Silas to rise the dead? Oh, Klaus, you sweet, summer child. Meanwhile, Elijah wants Rebekah to live one day as a human – no compulsion, no feeding, no murders. I doubt that’s going to be successful. It’s PROM day! I’m a HUMAN and I’m pretty sure I at least compelled or killed someone that day!
Elena isn’t sure that Rebekah will be successful; she thinks there’s no way that Rebekah can get through senior prom without compelling someone to be her date. Well, fair point, Elena; neither could I.
Caroline and Bonnie are picking up their prom dresses (the day of?) and Elena stops by to be snarky. And then she STEALS CAROLINE’S DRESS. OH NO. OH NO. I am sorry, Elena, but you are still a teenager, and there are some things you CAN NOT DO.
Caro comes to complain to Stefan about Elena’s thievery and asks him for a new dress. Oh, CAROLINE.
Now it’s time to listen to a shitty cover of “Pictures of You” while . . .. looking at pictures of the cast. That’s pretty literal, show. Elena isn’t affected by the photos of her and Jeremy, but I am. Because I miss his arms. A lot.
Damon is awesome (Drink!) and tells Elena that, technically, he’s still her boyfriend and then Elena is awesome and hard core by making a mockery of his feelings. I love mean Elena. So do Matt and Bonnie, who want Elena to remember that she has friends. Not that Elena cares; she calls Bonnie a reminder of all the horrible things that have happened to her (Elena).
Which upsets Bonnie enough to hallucinate Jeremy IN A TUX. IN A MOTHER EFFIN TUX, Y’ALL.
Meanwhile, Rebekah asks Matt his opinion of her. He says that he hasn’t seen Rebekah do anything remotely good. OUCH.
Stefan dances with Elena while, like, having phone sex with her? Basically? My dog is super uncomfortable; he has hidden his head underneath my armpit. But Elena remains unmoved.
It turns out Stefan had a WAY better dress set aside for Caroline, because she looks STUNNING. It turns out that she and Stefan have a “kill Elena with kindness” plan, which is working about as well as you’d expect. Caroline tells Stefan that one day, he’ll wake up and love someone else, and we’re all supposed to expect that she means her, but let’s face it. He should wake up one day and decide he loves Damon. Or, hey, Matt. I’m not picky.
Rebekah tries to convince April that she should be Prom Queen without compulsion, and then Elena busts in and convinces April with a little old fashioned threatening of life and limb. Rebekah looks even more like a mermaid in her prom dress than she did in H2O: Just Add Water.
Bonnie’s still dancing with Ghost!Jeremy when she finally realizes that he’s Silas. And then Stephen R McQueen puts on an accent! An accent AND a tux? Yes, please!
Meanwhile, Elijah is trying to convince Klaus to leave Katherine be. That goes about as well as you’d expect.
Back at prom, Rebekah has to beg Matt to dance. She calls him “beautifully human” and, just like that, I’m back on their relationship train!
Bonnie comes in and tells the Salvatores about Silas, while Elena tells Rebekah that having Jeremy back would be insufferable. And then Matt and Bonnie win Prom King and Queen. Bonnie? Really? Because she has ZERO friends. I do like that they managed to elect, like, the two human students, though. Nice touch! Unfortch, Elena figures that killing Bonnie will also stop Silas from rising.
Whatevs, it’s after-party time at Tyler-now-Matt’s house, and Caroline’s bringing in food, and in walks Tyler! I’m guessing this is actually Silas, but whatever; Caroline seems happy.
Damon, however, doesn’t seem happy, as he confronts Stefan about his feelings for Elena. Stefan mocks him some and then stabs him! BECAUSE STEFAN IS ACTUALLY SILAS! Wait, does that mean that Tyler really IS back?
Inside, Rebekah warns Matt that Elena is up to something, and indeed, Elena goes to gnaw on Bonnie, but Bonnie gives her a vampire migraine! But her power’s so strong that she basically gives everyone a migraine! Elena’s so pissed that her plans to kill Bonnie have failed that she eats April a little. Well, that will happen.
April is so dead, in fact, that she needs a vampire’s blood to revive her. Matt asks Rebekah to save her, but since Rebekah’s taken a vow to be human for a day, she’s not so sure. Matt tells her to actually BE human, and save April’s life.
Silas!Jeremy is still trying to win Bonnie over, with his sexy accent and tuxedo, but Bonnie resists! Just in time to be eaten by Elena. Except! Elena can’t handle Bonnie’s blood! And Bonnie breaks her arms! Damon and Stefan have to call her off. But then the boys vervain Elena! It’s their Plan B!
Klaus shows up to give Rebekah shit for curing April. He tells her to get the cure from Elijah . . . AND THEN MY CABLE CUTS OUT. But from what I can gather, Silas stole the cure from Elijah, disguised as Rebekah. NOOOOOO.
Wait, so does that mean that Tyler is actually Tyler? He and Caroline are dancing to this truly awful remix of “You Send Me” which legit makes me angry in my liver and my spleen. Tyler says that he has to leave before people get there, so he does . . . and then he runs into Klaus! Who says he’s going to give Tyler five seconds to leave, in the interest of giving Caroline the night of her dreams.
The Salvatores put Elena in their favorite little cell and both lie to each other about Silas. Oh, those boys. They figure now that Elena has felt fear, she’s on her way to humanity! Er, again.
And! Klaus gets a note from Katherine, telling him to hunt down a witch in New Orleans named Jane-Anne Deveraux.
And! Bonnie finds the real Silas! Who wears hobo gloves and whose face seems to shock her deeply. To me he just looks like a Star Wars extra, but what do I know?
Next week, it’s all Klaus, all the time, all laissez les bon temps roulez. I really hope he gets one of those 10-ft hurricanes on Bourbon Street while he’s walking around.
But more importantly, what did y’all think? Best prom ever??? Or kind of a let down? And this isn’t REALLY the last time we’ll see Jeremy…is it?
