Klaus and YHH in New Orleans? Yes, please! So let’s see what they have in store for us, shall we?
Elena is desiccating away in the Salvatore’s dungeon, and the brothers discuss in wonders how long such torture will take to return her to her humanity. Katherine stops by with the news that will segue us to New Orleans.
And here we are! Faye (what’s her name on this show? I can’t seem to remember, but if she’s going to be on The Originals, I might have to stop calling her Faye.) apparently loves gumbo. Who doesn’t, Faye? Who doesn’t? Even though their skin is not completely brown, it is obvious that the two chicks at the gumbo palace are witches, and they send Faye on what I’m guessing is a wild goose chase. Or werewolf chase, as it were. (Oh Shit! +1)
Witch One and Witch Two take us on a tour of some lovely crypts, gathering ingredients for some sort of spell involving Faye, and I am distracted by what beauty lies in New Orleans. But oh! Witch One casts a spell involving salt and candles that burns up Faye’s map and messes with her car, and even creates an awful dial tone in her phone! And then makes her pass out as a bunch of other witches surround her. (Oh Shit! +2)
I like how they’re weaving in fun little bits of New Orleans tours as Klaus walks around. He stops by a street witch’s booth and asks her some questions about Witch One, but the street witch tells him she can’t tell him anything, because a vampire named Marcel rules the Quarter. Klaus decides he needs to go see this Marcel.
Turns out Marcel sings karaoke in a bar. I was expecting something a bit more impressive, honestly. At least Marcel is very, very beautiful. But ah, Klaus and Marcel know each other! Klaus taught Marcel everything he knows! They have a very Han and Lando reunion, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this. (Oh Shit! +3) Marcel takes Klaus to Witch One, and proceeds to perform a little bit of “Maine Justice” on her. A witch practiced magic! That is not allowed! This is MAINE, boy! So he slits her throat with a switch! (Oh Shit! +4) Something tells me Marcel didn’t want Klaus to find out what she was doing. Klaus is PO’d that Marcel pulled a, well, HIM, but Marcel shrugs it off and suggests they go eat. May I suggest the soft-shell crab po’boy at Acme? It’s a little touristy, but so worth it.
Klaus goes to visit Witch Two, who is also called Sophie, but she won’t talk to him on account of the fact that Marcel has sent two of his own vampires to follow Klaus. This makes Klaus angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.
Despite the number of vampires wreaking havoc in her city, Sophie has no problem going out into a back alley all by herself to burn some candles. George: Witches love candles. But Marcel’s vampire thugs follow her! (Oh Shit! +5) But then someone else grabs one of them! And drops his heart on the ground! (Oh Shit! +6) And then grabs the other one and impales him on a piece of wright iron! (Oh Shit! +7) It’s YHH! Without a hair out of place, looking mighty fine in his suit.
Marcel takes Klaus up to the roof where he shows him the city and also that he dips Vervain, before stalking the new bartender for the gumbo palace. But don’t worry. She knows Tae Kwon Do. In Marcel’s absence, YHH shows up and is awesome *Drink!* with his “and what an entirely unsurprising welcome” line. While Klaus was stomping around the city like a frustrated child, YHH solved the whole mystery! It’s because the witches want to kill Marcel, and they want Klaus to help them. And, hey, there’s Faye! She’s alright! And, apparently, pregnant. George: What! Klaus, you just got Renesmee’d! (Oh Shit! +8)
So because of the spell Witch One performed, the witches now control Faye’s life, and the life of her unborn child. Faye’s “Wait. What?” would lead us to believe she was not aware of this. Or perhaps it was the mention of a maternity dress, that, you know, brought things home. YHH gallantly offers to just off Marcel himself, but for some reason, the witches have a plan — a plan with rules. That they don’t explain. Klaus, afraid of being hit where he’s vulnerable, rages about not being controlled, even when YHH gets him to listen to a teeny-tiny hybrid heartbeat. YHH is PROBABLY the best uncle who ever un-lived, and beseeches Klaus to stay in the city so that they can be a real family, which, as we all know, is exactly what Klaus wants deep in his tortured, psychotic heart, but Klaus needs to storm off a few more times before he comes around.
YHH calls Rebekah to give her an update, but now that she can’t be human and go to prom every single day like ALL humans do, Rebekah thinks Klaus will never come around, and she doesn’t much care if he does. Katherine gives her a little speech about how Klaus is actually just scared and alone. Just. Like. Her.
Klaus asks Marcel what he’s got over the witches, but Marcel isn’t very forthcoming, because New Orleans is HIS town. And he wants some respect, yo, because he’s the mothereffin’ KING. (Oh Shit! +9) Look at him! He’s the king of New… Orleans. Klaus’s response to this is to eat one of Marcel’s vampires a little bit and leave him to die of the werewolf venom, before wandering off to watch a street artist. There, he notices the new bartender for the gumbo palace and approaches her. We find out her name is Camille. And we will call her… Camille. Camille starts psychoanalyzing the street artist, about how he’s angry and lonely and afraid, but she’s really psychoanalyzing Klaus, and, um, sorry, Klaus has something in his eye…
Klaus finds a completely deserted street just around the corner and sits on a park bench. YHH joins him, and they reminisce about how much they’ve missed New Orleans. They were a family here, you guys. They were happy! Plus, Klaus wants to be king. And every king needs an heir.
So, according to the witches plan, Klaus goes back to Marcel and apologizes. He also gives the guy he bit some of his blood. Then he calls Caroline! And harkens back to that conversation they had one time about traveling the world and listening to music and seeing art and drawing ponies! He hopes she’ll come visit him one day! Caroline!!!! Come ON!!! I mean, obviously, let him grow and redeem himself, yadda, yadda, yadda… New Orleans. And Klaus.
Rebekah chooses not to go to New Orleans, because she still hates Klaus, and she wants to stay in Mystic Falls, where at least they have lots of proms and fancy dress Founders’ parties. Katherine asks YHH to do the same, and come away with her, but family comes first to YHH! And he HAS to be on the new show!
Back at the Salvatore’s, lest we had forgotten, Damon brings Elena a blood cupcake to make her feel better. But, (Oh Shit! +10) it’s laced with Vervain! This is all part of the “torture her humanity back into her” plan. Which I still don’t completely get. I mean, apart from killing April, she still hasn’t done anything nearly as bad as either one of them. On a good day.
So. What do you think? Is there enough going on in New Orleans to make you want to watch The Originals?
