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Guten tag! Welcome to another weekly recap of The Vampire Diaries!
I’ve been more excited than usual about tonight’s episode, because — EVIL STEFAN!!!!!! Last week he put up SUCH a valiant effort to resist Klaus’ compulsion, but Klaus totally Cesar Milan-ed him, and now not only do we get evil Stefan (WIN!!!!) but there’s also the teensy-tinsy little thing where Elena may have just realized that she does, in fact, love Damon, too. So I have some serious expectations for this episode! What else is going on? Oh yeah, Tyler’s a hybrid, and Michael, aka Sebastian Roche, vampire, vampire hunter might be becoming un-dead-dead, and Matt can now see the ghost of girlfriends past now, (well, sisters past for him).
I think it’s also a good time to bring up something that has always bothered me: What, exactly, does teen spirit smell like? Because when I think of ‘teen spirit’ I get a mental image of a combination locker room and teenaged boy’s bedroom, and the smell of those two things separately, much less together, is not something that I think is good. Or something that should really be talked about. So, onward! Elena applies concealer to some bite marks on her neck, as she gets ready… for a jog? I think? Man, I hate it when girls wear makeup to work out. Oh, look, it’s the president of the Handsome Club! Good… morning… Mr. President… Auntie’s hung, darling. Ooohhh, Alaric is teaching her how to fight a vampire!!! Yeah, you’re no shrinking violet, Elena! And they have a heart to heart, in which Alaric proves, once again, that he could not only run our hearts but this country in a rousing speech. Also, I’d like it if they’d go back to styling his hair like a British rocker, mkay? Thanks.
George: I wish Alaric would congratulate me for just getting out of bed in the morning.
First day of Senior Year!!! Whooo! Just going to regular old high school feels a little bit anti-climactic for Bonnie, Caroline and Elena, but this is Mystic Falls, girls! You pretty much live on a hellmouth, so something exciting will happen before the episode’s out. Caroline says ‘hybrid’ Drink! Also, even though we’re in season 3, it was exactly one year ago today that Elena met Stefan. Aw. I like to think that it’s really been, like 3 years, because that puts more gravity to the whole situation. I mean, you met, fell eternally in love, he left, you all died some, he came back, and he turned evil in the span of less than one year? Chin up girlfriend. I’ll bring over some ice cream, and things will look better in the morning. Three years, though? Now that’s a breakup that’ll need a week in Paris.
At the Salvatore’s, Damon trips over the bodies of a couple of girls as he makes his way into the den, where evil Stefan is having, like, 3 juiceboxes play Twister. Drink! x 3 I think the girls are giggling, but they also sound a little bit like they’re crying, so I’m confused about whether I should be thinking it’s awesome or not. Then Rebekah shows up! What? Klaus left bratty little sister behind?! Don’t worry, Rebekah, once he gets to the airport in France, he’ll feel really bad about it. Anyway, she moves in.
At the high school, Jeremy tries to talk to Bonnie, but Bonnie is jealous of the ghosts of girlfriends past Drink! Which lends credibility to the theory that they are going to have Matt and Bonnie hook up. Won’t it be a pisser when she finds out that he sees them, too! Speaking of which, Matt is having a chat with Vicki out in his truck. And Vicki makes us think she is in no way evil when she asks him all coyly what he’d think if she told him there was a way for her to come back. Thankfully Tyler interrupts. And he’s really excited to be a senior.
Katherine is dangling a mouse over Michael, aka Sebastian Roche, vampire, vampire hunter to try to wake him up. Poor mouse. I think it’s cute. Damon calls and tells her to hurry it up because he’s worried about his furniture, what with evil Stefan’s mad partying and all. Then Damon calls Elena and tells her not to come over because of ‘Barbie Klaus’, and here is a little thing I like to pretend: that whenever we talk a lot about something in these recaps, and then someone — usually Damon — ends up saying something similar on the show, that it’s a real shout out to all of us, because they all love us as much as we love them. Anyway, Damon is awesome Drink! as he avoids telling Elena about evil Stefan and the juicebox twister.
Meanwhile, Vampire Barbie (ahem) is wrapped up, as per yoosh, in school spirit, planning a bonfire, which we know won’t end well. Tyler comes in with some juicebox stains on his shirt, and the girls take him to task about being a messy eater. He says it’s from a blood cupcake, but did he have that spot on his shirt in the earlier scene? Is he snacking on the student body? Haha. I made a funny. Get it? Anyway, Tyler is being a wee bit too cavalier, which we all know means something’s rotten in Mystic Falls.
Elena leaves them… and bumps into evil Stefan in the hall! Aw, even when being evil, Stefan likes learnin’. But he grabs Elena’s arm! And Alaric comes to the rescue! And tells him ‘hands off!’ But then evil Stefan pushes Alaric up against the lockers! Whoah now, evil Stefan! Hands off my president!
Elena wants to DO SOMETHING to get Stefan out of school. Hmmm, can Damon come back? No, he’s playing the ‘older’ brother, yeah? So Alaric starts in on a history lesson and Rebekah comes in, challenging his knowledge, because SHE’S an original, so she can trump everybody in history trivia. But Rebekah, honey, when the Vikings landed, I think they were STILL met by the Native Americans. I mean, I watched that movie Pathfinder.
We can tell Matt is meeting the ghost of Vicki in the stoner pit at school by the flower power VW parked nearby. Jeremy walks up, but he doesn’t see her! Or does he? I think our cute boy Jeremy might have a few theories about Vicki’s evilness. Aha! Jeremy meets Anna in the bathroom, and they try to suss out whether or not it’s possible for a vampire to come back after they’ve been killed dead-dead, but are walking around as ghosts. Anna is convinced that Vicki has offered whichever witch on their side something major to get her help, but Matt just gets that scrunched up look he gets when he’s about to go against his better judgement for somebody.
Football practice! Remember when Stefan joined the football team? Rebekah has apparently eaten the competition so she can single-white-female Caroline, and Tyler is going off half-cocked with his new powers of compulsion. He doesn’t take kindly to Caroline trying to get him to chill, so he makes a douchenuggetty comment about Rebekah’s cheerleading moves. Oh, Tyler, you had better not hurt my Caroline. I was just starting to like you.
Elena is jogging to build up her vampire fighting muscles, and evil Stefan joins her, and is AWESOME Drink! Oh man, remember, like one episode ago, when it was only Damon who got to be that fantastically evil? I mean, he calls her a human blood bag, which is basically the same thing as calling her a juicebox…
Michael, aka Sebastian Roche, vampire, vampire hunter finally wakes up! But he doesn’t like the blood he just drank! Katherine is unimpressed by him, but calls him vampire, vampire hunter! I love you, too, Katherine!
Damon finds Elena at the bench press, and she tells him she wants to lock Stefan up until Klaus is taken care of (I can’t say ‘killed’ because even though he’s bad, I like him so much) and the compulsion is broken. Then Damon shows us just how self-aware this show is by calling her ‘Buffy’,and then shows Elena the weak spots around a vampire’s heart so she knows where to stake, but it’s SUPER DUPER HOT when he does it!!!! Drink!
At the bonfire, Elena has joined a meeting of the Handsome Club Drink! to plan out how to lock up Stefan and dose him with vervain, and Alaric is awesome Drink! but then Tyler shows up and is all ‘yay! Klaus!’ and not because of his pretty, pretty face, either. Caroline says ‘hybrid’ Drink! Damon knocks Tyler out with what looks like a candlestick to the neck, but I’m pretty sure isn’t. And is awesome. Drink!
Elena joins Stefan at the keg and is awesome Drink! Oi, that Nina Dobrev!
Matt seems to have found Jeremy and Bonnie’s candle emporium and case of love, and is, OH SHIT!!! No, Matt! Man, if I’ve learned anything from watching a ton of tv shows about magic, it’s that blood magic is never a good idea. But then Vicki is there and solid! It worked! But she’s got to ‘restore the balance’ for that dead witch, which, of course, means killing the doppelgänger. So, of course, she knocks Matt out.
Elena is trying to at least pretend to have a good time, and drink a lot of beer while Stefan watches her. Way to ruin a girl’s buzz, Stefan. Then Damon ‘uses his charm’ to teach Rebekah how to roast marshmallows. Oh Rebekah, just wait until you add chocolate and graham crackers. But then Rebekah stakes him a little with the stick she was using to roast the marshmallows with! Ow! Insult to injury.
Meanwhile, thankfully, Vicki’s old druggie ways sidetrack her from going after Elena, because she pauses at the party for a spliff.
Tyler wakes up to Caroline’s version of tough love, and for Tyler’s sake, we hope she didn’t take a page out of her father’s book. Hey, Caroline didn’t like Tyler when he was an asshat, either! This works on Tyler surprisingly well.
Elena is pretending to be really drunk and is disorderly up on the bleachers, and then she falls! But Stefan catches her! And Alaric stakes him! Whew! Their plan worked perfectly! But wait! There’s Vicki! And she’s set fire to Alaric’s truck! Elena can’t get out! And Alaric can’t break in! Bonnie is helping Matt try to re-curse Vicki to the afterlife. Hurry, Bonnie! Then the spell works without so much as a nosebleed, and Matt has to say goodbye to his sister again. Poor Matt. Thankfully, Alaric gets Elena and Stefan out of the truck before it blows.
Damon cleans up Elena’s scrapes from being almost burned up, and meaningful eye contact ensues Drink! Then Damon continues on his quest to win Alaric’s trust back, but Damon, you messed where you shouldn’t have been messin’ when you fake-killed the president of the Handsome Club, so it might take a while.
Caroline is getting dressed after her sexy times with Tyler, who just so happens to be shirtless Drink! and tells him he has to earn the sleep over. Vampire Barbie, you are so awesome! Drink! Then Rebekah shows up with a juicebox for the hybrid! Drink! Tyler is conflicted. For a second.
Michael, aka Sebastian Roche, vampire, vampire hunter wakes up again, and tells Katherine that he can kill Klaus, and also that he abstains from human blood, and then he EATS Katherine! Whoah! Can that kill her? I sure hope not! Don’t get dead-dead, Katherine! Also, isn’t feeding on vampires technically cheating, since those vampires drink human blood? So isn’t he still getting human blood, but, like, through a Britta filter?
George: Or is it straight up vampire cannibalism?
Elena and Alaric talk about forgiving Damon, and Stefan joins them. Elena tells him that she will never give up on him and his humanity, and he makes fun of her, so she stakes him! Woohoo!
George: Yeah! I lifted a weight this episode.
Elena is ON FIRE tonight! Except, not literally, thankfully. After the whole truck-fire thing.
Jeremy leaves a message for Bonnie but he’s thinking about Anna, and so she shows up! They touch hands! And she’s actually THERE! Forget the pottery wheel, they can totally bone now!
At the Salvatore’s, something ghost-like is speeding around, breaking vases. I love how domestic Damon suddenly is. Damon thinks it’s Stefan, but OH MY GOD, it’s uncle werewolf Benicio del Toro! NO WAY. Was NOT expecting that. Yay! Welcome back, Uncle Werewolf! Oh, we have missed you and your handsomeness! Now take your shirt off, and stay a while!
Wow. Okay, I feel like they were laying some groundwork for great stuff in this episode. I’m pleased with he levels of evil Stefan achieved, and even more pleased with Elena’s determination to take care of herself! Yay for strong female characters on television! So does Sebastian Roche, vampire, vampire hunter kill the vampires he feeds from? What is Uncle Werewolf doing back? Are ALL the ghosts coming back? No, wait, never mind! I don’t care! He’s back! Yay! Now where’s my YHH?
