It’s Friday morning! And I have news!!!!! I got the BEST email this week from fellow TVD fan Lindsay, announcing this bit of information: The Vampire Diaries Seasons 1 & 2 are available on Netflix Instant Watch!!!!!!! Praise be to the Netflix gods!!! Now we can all revisit our favorite vampires and humans, and humans who love vampires, and ghosts, and witches, and werewolves, and werewolves who are vampires, and men in a club called handsome!!!!
After last week’s episode, Stefan found himself saving Elena and having an ‘Angel’ moment, Alaric gave the best training montage speech ever spoken, Damon taught a class in ‘staking 101’ that melted our shorts, and Bonnie sent Vicki back ‘to the other side’, but most importantly UNCLE WEREWOLF RETURNED!!!!!!! And while our eyes are all eternally grateful for his visage, he just might have a big ole’ hardon for getting revenge on Damon, which means this next episode is gonna’ be epic!!!!
I also finally remembered that I was going to start an oh-shitometer, so look for that as we watch!
Damon wakes up, chained to a chair, a poker in his chest and his ring of invincibility on that blasted carpet! Uncle werewolf is looking delicious as he stands by a set of drapes I don’t think I’ve ever seen in the Salvatore mansion before, and even worse, they don’t match the carpet. Damon seems to think it’s Stefan who has chained him to a chair, and we realize that both he and Stefan can’t see Uncle Werewolf!!! Their loss. Stefan un-pokers Damon, but leaves him chained to the chair just in time for Uncle Werewolf to pull a walkin’ on sunshine routine on Damon! (Oh shit!+1) Was he hanging out with Daddy HRG on ‘the other side’? Poor Damon.
Mystic Falls: the town that’s into its own history more than any other town that ever existed, ever, and which has a party to celebrate that fact every day of the week that ends in ‘day’. As the dead Mayor’s wife talks about some founder’s crap, Alaric gives Jeremy another type of lesson.
George: Let this be a lesson in being handsome to you, young Jeremy…
Elena joins them, and hey, Anna’s there, too! And she’s going all ‘Harvey’, making jokes about how inaccurate the Mystic Falls historian is!
Bonnie and Caroline are hanging paper lanterns up in the trees around the town (I smell a fire coming) and discussing the problem of the ghosts of girlfriends (and now uncles) past. Damon drives by, and is awesome by way of his greeting Drink! and tells them about Uncle Werewolf. Matt and Bonnie have meaningful eye contact Drink! while Matt simultaneously looks sad Drink!, feeding into our desire for the two of them to get together!!!!
Elena joins Jeremy and Alaric at the Bronze, and thinks that since Jeremy has turned into a ghost whisperer, that maybe he could contact Lexi, at whatever Bon Jovi concert-in-the-sky she’s attending, and get her to help Stefan get back on the wagon. Jeremy tells them that ghosts can’t really interact with the living and living dead, but Alaric is awesome, Drink! and reminds them that Vicki interacted with his truck pretty well, and is presidentially parental in his suggestion that those crazy kids should maybe learn their lesson about summoning dead people.
Bonnie’s Grimoire flips open on its own to a page about raising the dead after Caroline nudges Bonnie in Matt’s direction. We’re with you Caroline! Although it feels a little bit weird that you’re all pushing Matt on Bonnie, when you were JUST dating him a few episodes ago yourself.
Elena won’t drop the whole ‘contacting Lexi’ thing, and Anna makes Jeremy lie about her being there. Stefan joins them and is awesome Drink! Alaric is also awesome. Drink!
Oh hey, look! It’s the Requisite LJ Smith House Of Disrepair Set Far Away In The Woods, which was also last season’s candle emporium and casa of love, Bonnie and Caroline set up a spell to see what the what is going on with all these mother effin’ ghosts on this mother effin’ show. Caroline asks what we’re all wondering about the 100 dead witches Drink! that were all murdered there. She is also awesome Drink!
Jeremy asks Anna if she’s getting any special help from vengeful witches on ‘the other side’ for him to see her, and I again find myself wishing there was some way for the two of them to be together.
George: Yeah, they’re good together because they have equal amounts of hotness and charisma.
Jenny: And Bonnie’s only really charismatic when she’s kind of being a bitch.
George: Which is why she needs to be with Matt, the only person on the show she could be in a relationship with while helping out all the supernaturals.
Jenny: So he’d be, like, her anchor?
George: I’m not saying that. Those are girl words.
Jeremy then tells Anna that there’s just something he has to do, and kisses her! Drink!
George: Ghost smoochies! Watch out of the ectoplasm, there, Jeremy…
Kissing!!! Hot Jeremy kissing!!!
Damon tries to tell Alaric about Uncle Werewolf, but Alaric reminds him that they are no longer a team, since Damon fake-killed him.
George: We’re not a team Alaric, we’re a club. A very important club.
It’s the Requisite LJ Smith House Of Disrepair Set Far Away In The Woods, and hey, HEY, hey, Jasmine Guy shows up! (Oh shit!+2) As Bonnie’s teenaged Grandma! Hmmm, grandma… grimoire…
Elena walks in on Jeremy and Anna making out… and can SEE Anna! (Oh shit!+3) Then Stefan is walking down the street, and sees Lexi!!!! And then Alaric and Damon are sitting at the bar and Uncle Werewolf shows up! (Oh shit!+4) And is awesome! Drink!
Lexi tells Stefan he had better pull his shizz together, and SLAMS his head into a car! (Oh Shit!+5) Lexi, you so awesome! Drink!
George: Now I’m sorry I’ve been making fun of you for that Bon Jovi concert stuff…
Bonnie can’t believe she’s seeing her grandma,
George: Well, honey it’s a different world where I come from…
and teenaged Grandma Jasmine Guy tells them that the witch on ‘the other side’ put a door stopper in the portal, and it’s Bonnie’s duty to close it. ‘Cause Bonnie wasn’t raised in a witch barn. Oh, and she needs Elena/Rebecca’s necklace Drink! to do it.
Lexi sidetracks Elena from helping with the ghost busting, by offering her help with Stefan, and Uncle Werewolf tells Damon and Alaric that he’s here to help Tyler — and to get an apology from Damon for that time when he ripped Uncle Werewolf’s heart out. Alaric is awesome Drink! as they discuss the big problem, which is the fact that Klaus is alive. Like, always. Damon doesn’t quite really actually apologize at all, but Uncle Werewolf is really a pretty good sport about the whole thing. Drink!
Lexi brings Elena to Daddy HRG’s cave of torture/the Mystic Falls drunk tank, where she has Stefan chained up, and uses the magic power from her eyeballs to make his hands go all crypt-keeper, which somehow represents drawing out the blood lust? I think? (Oh shit!+6)
I would like to take this commercial break to let you all know that George has spent this entire episode so far (seriously, like 20 minutes) sharpening all of our kitchen knives. And now he’s testing their sharpness by slicing paper.
George: Shut up, I’m keeping up my manliness.
But I’ll have you all know that the sound is kind of creepy.
You know I’ve heard that you can see better in the dark if you take your shirt off…
Damon meets Uncle Werewolf in Tyler’s campout cave, and the two of them start digging for a weapon that can kill Klaus. We like the two of them together. Were you ever offered a seat at the Handsome Club table, Uncle Werewolf? If not, we’d like to extend an official invitation now.
Stefan is going through withdrawal, because Lexi has compelled him to think he’s gone, like, 5 years without blood. Suddenly this 30-years thing doesn’t have the same gravity. Meanwhile, Caroline lets it slip to Bonnie that Jeremy was totally kissing Anna in the bathroom. (Oh shit.+7)
At the Mystic Falls Founder’s Fire Hazzard, Jeremy is searching for Anna, as a menacing guy I don’t remember stalks her, and Alaric steps in for the guy who’s supposed to light the lanterns — but has mysteriously disappeared. Turns out the menacing guy I don’t remember is Frederick, and now I’m thinking he was maybe one of the vampires in the tomb with Pearl and Anna? Anyway, he says he has unfinished business with Mystic Falls, and I don’t think he’s talking about real estate transactions. Alaric gives us a rousing presidential speech (I’m sure we could fit ‘let’s light ’em up’ in a campaign, somehow) and oh, the lanterns are electric. I guess it’s not SUCH a fire hazard, then. But (oh shit!+8) Frederick has finished some of his business with the guy who was supposed to light the lanterns!
Stefan is pleading with Elena to help him, while Lexi tells her not to pay any attention to him. He gets a little nasty then, and Lexi starts staking him a little bit, explaining that this is how they’ve always rolled.
George: Turns out being a Ripper is kind of like being an alcoholic…
Elena can’t watch anymore, and is surprisingly surprised to find that shit’s gone down at the Founder’s party.
Jeremy calls Bonnie and Caroline and they tell him that the necklace Drink! is missing.Caroline thinks Anna somehow took it, but Anna says she didn’t. Hmmm…
In the handsome cave, Damon finds out the hard way that there are booby traps, (oh shit!+9) and we’re not sure if it’s a surprise to Uncle Werewolf.
At the Founder’s Party, Elena gives Anna a tough love speech about what’s best for Jeremy, and we wonder where somebody was to give Stefan this same speech in the middle of season 1? Anyway, turns out Anna DOES have the necklace, Drink!but she’s so awesome she brought it back.
Damon is still impaled in the handsome cave, but Uncle Werewolf saves him!!! As he’s pulling spears out of Damon’s body, Damon asks him why he’s being so nice, and Uncle Werewolf gives a heartfelt and stirring speech about redemption. Oh Uncle Werewolf, I’ve missed you. You always were a sweetie deep down. Also? Loose the shirt.
Caroline and Bonnie show up at the Founder’s thing to general chaos as the ghosts of the vampires from the tomb are wreaking havoc and about to kill the dead mayor’s wife/Tyler’s mom. Caroline sends Bonnie on her way, before getting out to go all Vampire Barbie on their ghost asses. (Oh shit!+10)
Anna tells Jeremy that she has to let him go, but she’s having a sad Drink! because not only does she really miss Jeremy, but she can’t find her mom on ‘the other side’! Double sad! Drink! Poor Anna. She just does’t want to be alone! Triple sad! Drink!
At Sober Valley Ranch, Lexi and Stefan make Elena feel real bad by reminiscing about how Elena/Rebecca’s necklace Drink! was the one thing that represented hope to Stefan through the years.
Damon gets stuck, because he’s not invited into this one part of the handsome cave, so Uncle Werewolf has to go on without him.
At the Requisite LJ Smith House Of Disrepair Set Far Away In The Woods, Jeremy arrives with the necklace, Drink! and Bonnie is PISSED. She and teenaged grandma Jasmine Guy throw it in the fire and chant.
Then the ghosts start disappearing! (OH SHIT!!!+11) Right as Uncle Werewolf has found something!!!! And it makes me really sad!!!! Don’t go, Uncle Werewolf!!! I just got you back!!!!! We didn’t have enough time together! For you to take your shirt off! Lexi tells Elena she just has to break through, because Stefan is still in there. Anna is walking down the street, and there’s Pearl! They hug! Then disappear. And I’m having a sad, so Drink!
Damon has called Alaric to come help him find whatever Uncle Werewolf found, and recycles the same apology he gave to Uncle Werewolf. Then they kind of start man-flirting. Drink!
Elena tells Stefan that she hasn’t given up on him, but proves once again how awesome and strong she is by telling him that he’ll lose her if he doesn’t pull himself together. Drink!
Jeremy wants to explain things to Bonnie, but she is not about to have it, and sends him on his way. AND then the fire sparks back up, and she looks into the fireplace and the necklace Drink! is BACK!!!! (Oh shit!+12) I hope that means we’ll be seeing Uncle Werewolf again! And also Lexi.
In the handsome cave, Alaric finds the something that Uncle Werewolf found! And he has no idea what it is!!! Which is silly because he’s a history teacher, as well as president of the handsome club, so obviously he can recognize that these are cave paintings! Of men and dogs!
And the preview for next week makes me think they’re viking cave drawings! Of the originals! And of their names! We’ll find out if there’s an Enrique, a Tyrone, and a Martha! And if there’s more ghosty action! Whew!
Well, the oh-shitometer went up to 12 this episode; however, there was no shirtlessness… What do you guys think?
